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Thread: Beating myself up - I am my worst critic...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    30

    Default Beating myself up - I am my worst critic...

    I have come to the conclusion that I need to start sending some supplemental formula to daycare. I just can't keep up with pumping - and I hate it! I usually only get a chance to pump once a day, and that session is only producing 4-5 oz total, where I used to get 8-10 oz. I have to lug my breastpump to and from work so I can pump at home before bed just to eek out enough milk for the next day. If I get stuck at work late there's nothing at home for Daddy to give him! Even when I do get to pump a couple extra sessions at work my production seems to be suffering and I can't keep up the schedule to up my supply. I'm taking Fenugreek but that only seemed to help in the beginning.

    The stress this is causing me can't me good for my supply either. Knowing that I have a milk alternative for Allen would be a HUGE load off my mind. I'll still nurse him whenever he wants at home and I'll pump at work when I get a chance but having a backup plan - whew, that would be nice.

    I'm beating myself up about this decision! I feel like I'm failing him or that I shouldn't have to switch - but I work full time and then some! I've breastfed him from the beginning and went back to work when he was 8 weeks old. I've been pumping for quite some time and it was all worth it - but I need a break, is that selfish of me?

    I am my worst critic I think. I'm not giving up or failing my son - I just keep telling myself that.

    Thanks for letting me vent!

    Jennifer

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
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    1,712

    Default Re: Beating myself up - I am my worst critic...

    I think you have done a great job. Sorry you are struggling to pump. Is there any way you can start pumping twice a day on a more regular schedule. That way your supply would increase. If not, any amount of BM is good and you have been providing your lo with healthy, yummy mommy milk . Keep pumping that one time at least. Don't quit just because you have a backup. and don't beat yourself up.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    131

    Default Re: Beating myself up - I am my worst critic...

    I am feeling exactly the same way and have a couple of other times. I bought the formula, had it at the house and then never used it. I just didn't want to in the end. But, knowing it was there and it would be "ok" if it was used made me relax a bit. I hate formula, but I needed to know it was there if I just couldn't handle it. Right now, I am just doing one day at a time and some are better than others. So, I guess I don't have tons of advice other than to say you are RIGHT, you dont need to beat yourself up! You are doing your best.

    Jeanne

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    176

    Default Re: Beating myself up - I am my worst critic...

    I've had to supplement with formula everyday-it's NOT the end of the world. Don't stress out about it. I did at first too, but it's not worth the worry.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    30

    Default Re: Beating myself up - I am my worst critic...

    Thanks for the replies. I've done a lot of research about what I want to supplement him with and I'm leaning towards Baby's Only Organic Toddler Formula. I've also done some research into oat milk and almond milk as alternatives. I want to choose the most natural and unprocessed milk substitute for Allen.

    I'm not going to stop pumping at work - but I'm not going to stress over every last drop anymore. I work in an operating room - heart surgery - so getting multiple breaks is more or less an impossibility. The fact that I've done it this long beats all odds.

    Rule #1: Feed the baby. That takes priority. So I will do what I need to do in order to accomplish that goal.

    The funny thing is - we're going on vacation in a weeks time and I have a feeling that being away from work and spending a week of quality time with him do wonders for my supply - this may all be a moot point.

    Jen

  6. #6

    Default Re: Beating myself up - I am my worst critic...

    You're right - vacation and constant nursing should dramatically increase your supply. :-)
    Shannon
    LLL Leader

    Protect your privacy online; don't use your full name. Click My Alias at the top left corner.

    I'm horrible at html and encoding links, so I apologize in advance for all the long links!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
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    Default Re: Beating myself up - I am my worst critic...

    Quote Originally Posted by LLLShannon View Post
    You're right - vacation and constant nursing should dramatically increase your supply. :-)
    I BFed DD on demand over the 4-day Thanksgiving weekend, and my supply increased in that time!
    How old is your LO? I remember going through a "lull" in supply when my DD was probably about 6 months old or so, and it was hard to get through but for me, I just told myself formula was simply not an option. I actually ended up starting solids at that time just to get her through the days, not that that tactic is necessarily recommended. I was pumping "empty" breasts after her bedtime feeding and was pretty discouraged, but I think adding that extra pumping session helped my supply nonetheless.
    I am not saying it would be the end of the world if you supplement, but I just wanted to share my story a bit. HTH

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
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    Default Re: Beating myself up - I am my worst critic...

    I've been supplementing with formula since I went back to work at five weeks (almost 8 now). I had to, it wasn't a choice- the baby had to be fed and I didn't have enough pumped milk to feed her. She still gets about 2 bottles of EBM and 1 formula per day. She is fine with this and so am I my supply seems fine (oversupply if anything) other than that the pump just doesn't work as well as baby at getting the milk out, so I just can't get enough out of them to get her through the next day, hence the supplement bottle). Don't beat yourself up, the stress can only make things harder .

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
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    1,620

    Default Re: Beating myself up - I am my worst critic...

    Don't feel bad. I only pump 3-4 oz/ day (2 pumping sessions) and my DD takes 9 oz while I'm gone. The rest is formula.

    Here's the thing. I *could* pump in the morning before work and again after work or at night to get enough... BUT I'd rather spend that time w/ DD. And sleeping. That 5-6 oz out of an estimated 25+ that she gets all day is worth it for my sanity.

    So don't stress. (and don't totally quit pumping either... got to do the best we can!)
    Lynda
    Tree-hugging, queer-loving, liberal, feminist Mommy to L August 2006


  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    1

    Lightbulb Re: Beating myself up - I am my worst critic...

    Giving yourself permission to supplement if you need to (and it sounds like you need to) may help your milk supply.

    I was driving myself nuts trying to exclusively feed my 3 mo. old, Simone, EBM only while she was at daycare because both my husband and I come from allergic families. I felt such pressure on myself. (I work full-time and commute an hour and 15 min. each way). My milk supply was getting low. I'd be able to pump 13-15 oz. (3 pumping sessions) on Monday, but by Friday, it would dwindle down to 10 oz. I was even using an herbal galactologue (not sure of the spelling), but it wasn't helping much.

    I was so stressed out that I was suffering from both anxiety and depression. My OB wanted to have me wean Simone and start taking anti-depressants. I didn't want to start taking them unless absolutely necessary, and I finally realized that much of this pressure was self-imposed. I bought a can of formula for her DCP and one for home. Almost immediately, my supply increased, and I'm pretty sure it's because I have stopped feeling trapped.

    So far, her DCP hasn't needed the formula, but the other night I gave her a supplemental feeding of formula because she was hungry and had polished of all of my breastmilk (we had no emergency stash at the time). She seemed to tolerate it well, and we both got some sleep.

    It sounds like your job really limits the amount of time you can express at work. Just be proud that you are doing the best you can for your baby.

    I applaud your desire to use the most natural and least processed formula, but, without looking at the formula you're considering, I would urge you to check with your pediatrician before using a toddler formula for an infant since toddlers get many of their nutritional needs met by solids.

    As for oat milk and almond milk, every carton of cow's milk-alternative I've read says not to use it to feed infants.

    Best of luck to you and your family,
    Last edited by Mo-mo's Mama; December 2nd, 2006 at 09:59 AM.

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