I still breastfeed my 2.5 yr old almost 3 daughter. And I also co-sleep, for naps and for nighttime. I put her to sleep both times with the help of breastfeeding and for the most part I love it. I really cherish it. But lately she has become more like a toddler and she plays while I breastfeed and it takes sometimes an hr to over and hr to get her to settle down. That means I am breastfeeding her off an on during that period hoping she will drift off to sleep. And that can really wear on my nerves. I have things I would like to do. Most times it works and everything is fine. But some days like today I find myself having a meltdown, and it really upsets me to realize how I acted. I start yelling during something that is suppose to be quiet and relaxing, I take things out of her hands that she was playing with and throw them off the bed. Then I sometimes put my head in my hands and cry or just melt down slowly.
She sees all this and it upsets her. And now I have the added worry of traumatizing her, and making breastfeeding not a pleasurable experience and all these emotions come up. Like losing the time I spend with her, not breastfeeding her anymore. And I just cry like right now typing this. I have so many emotions about it all. Breastfeeding is so close to my heart she is my only child and it might stay that way so I won't get to experience this again.
I just feel bad for not keeping my composure when she tests my limits and she is not doing it on purpose she is just being a 2.5 year old. I feel bad for scaring her or making her cry. I wonder if I'm doing any long term damage or turning her off to breastfeeding. I wonder if anyone has gone through this.