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Thread: Some advice

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Northeast
    Posts
    11

    Default Some advice

    I still breastfeed my 2.5 yr old almost 3 daughter. And I also co-sleep, for naps and for nighttime. I put her to sleep both times with the help of breastfeeding and for the most part I love it. I really cherish it. But lately she has become more like a toddler and she plays while I breastfeed and it takes sometimes an hr to over and hr to get her to settle down. That means I am breastfeeding her off an on during that period hoping she will drift off to sleep. And that can really wear on my nerves. I have things I would like to do. Most times it works and everything is fine. But some days like today I find myself having a meltdown, and it really upsets me to realize how I acted. I start yelling during something that is suppose to be quiet and relaxing, I take things out of her hands that she was playing with and throw them off the bed. Then I sometimes put my head in my hands and cry or just melt down slowly.

    She sees all this and it upsets her. And now I have the added worry of traumatizing her, and making breastfeeding not a pleasurable experience and all these emotions come up. Like losing the time I spend with her, not breastfeeding her anymore. And I just cry like right now typing this. I have so many emotions about it all. Breastfeeding is so close to my heart she is my only child and it might stay that way so I won't get to experience this again.

    I just feel bad for not keeping my composure when she tests my limits and she is not doing it on purpose she is just being a 2.5 year old. I feel bad for scaring her or making her cry. I wonder if I'm doing any long term damage or turning her off to breastfeeding. I wonder if anyone has gone through this.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    5,427

    Default Re: Some advice

    Hi, motherhood can be really, really, REALLY hard sometimes, can't it? I could have written very much this same post about my 2 year old today! She finally settled down after nursing for an hour, and when I snuck away, she woke up 10 minutes later. Frustrating!

    When I am losing my patience, and to be honest I do lose my patience with my kids pretty often, I find these strategies work as long as I have the self control to remember them, which I often do not.

    (I think this is really important- if I have not been able to avoid a meltdown, after a meltdown, I apologize and take responsibility for my actions.)
    to try to avoid meltdowns, I might try any of the following-
    1) I leave the room, if necessary, closing the door, until I can get a hold of myself.
    2) I stop whatever we are doing and do something else. So, if I am trying to nurse a child down, and they are not going to sleep, I say 'ok, lets go outside/play a game/get a snack/read a book whatever. This is what I am doing right now, I am typing while she plays with a phone on my lap. If this leads to my daughter napping at a later time, or not napping at all, it can be a problem, but not a serious one, and far better than the alternative.
    3) call a friend or my husband for a quick vent
    4) Work on accepting that the things I want to get done either will not get done, not get done today, or figure out a way to do them while my child is awake.

    This is something I have never managed, but this is an age that hiring a mothers helper a few hours a week can be very very helpful. This is much less expensive than a baby sitter. This can even be a responsible child of 10 or 12. They can come in after school, or, if you know any homeschool families, maybe other times.

    But some days like today I find myself having a meltdown, and it really upsets me to realize how I acted.
    I know exactly what you mean. Loosing my temper can result in me feeling bad about myself all day, and of course, feeling bad about myself does not help my mood.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    70

    Default Re: Some advice

    I've gone through this with my 2 year old and have learned that it is a clear sign that he is just not tired yet. So now I don't even bother trying to get him to sleep until he is obviously tired. If he is asking to nurse and doesn't seem tired I will ask him if he is ready to go to sleep. If he says yes I find that he will go to sleep easily, if he says no, then I just suggest a game to play or snack instead. It means later naps and later bedtime. But he now falls asleep in 20 minutes or less and I am no longer frustrated.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    20,962

    Default Re: Some advice

    That's what my oldest did when she was outgrowing her nap! I assumed all kids needed to nap until around age 5, because that's how long I napped. Turns out my oldest outgrew the nap at around age 2.5.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    358

    Default Re: Some advice

    My son is 2y9mo, cosleeping and breastfeeding ~6-8x/day lately. We just traveled to visit my parents, who have a house almost 4 times larger than our loft and a large yard and pool. DS has been running, swimming, shovelling, and doing general yard work for probably 8 hours a day. He napped twice, where he usually naps once, and fell asleep at 10 within minutes. He also can take up to an hour to settle at night, so this was remarkable.

    So, my advice is to add an hour or two of very active physical play and see where that gets you. Fresh air and endorphins are nature's sleep cocktail. Don't forget to keep lots of water on hand and have a few extra high protein snacks available, because you'll need them!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    rockford,il
    Posts
    612

    Default Re: Some advice

    http://www.thebadassbreastfeeder.com...he-day-we-die/

    The previous posters have great advice. This is a blog that always has me in tears and makes me feel much less alone.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Northeast
    Posts
    11

    Default Re: Some advice

    Thanks for all your advice it helps me!

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