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Thread: Why am I forcing my 23 month old to Night Wean????

  1. #1

    Default Why am I forcing my 23 month old to Night Wean????

    Hi, I'm new here but I've been funding this forum very helpful add hours to deal with my decision. My son currently Co sleeps and usually nurses at least 3 times a night but this week I have been convinced to Night Wean because he will be staying with my mother for the weekend while I attend a conference. I'm totally confused because I have always been pressured by the women in my family to stop nursing. My husband is completely supportive and generally I just brush their negative comments off but my son had never been able to stay with his Grandma the entire night. Sometimes I must travel for work and my husband is unable to be at home with him. He will go to sleep fine with his father and Grandfather but never with my mother. She says it's because he wants milk and he screams out at night. My problem is that I don't think that I am ready to let go of our special time. Is that selfish of me? He will nurse in the afternoons when I pick him up from daycare but I miss his cuddles at night. I find myself not being able to get comfortable as I am anticipating him waking up and crying because I won't give him milk. I feel like I let him down. He becomes so sad, screaming "please Mommy" it's heart wrenching. What do I do? Should I allow him to nurse once my conference is over? Or should I just let it go?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2006

    Default Re: Why am I forcing my 23 month old to Night Wean????

    How is it selfish of you to do the most natural thing on earth, something that makes you and your child happy, provides health benefits to you and your child, and makes your mothering journey easier? Grandma might feel a little rejected, but it's not fair of her to tell you to wean just because she hasn't yet found a way to keep your baby overnight.

    Can you take your baby to the conference? Have someone care for him during the day and then you get him back at night?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2009

    Default Re: Why am I forcing my 23 month old to Night Wean????

    Why are you forcing your child to night wean? It's a good question. it sounds like it is making both you and your child miserable so it sounds like a terrible idea.
    if your child is okay staying with other people overnight who are not nursing him, I
    do not understand what the logic that suggests he cannot stay with his grandmother overnight due to the fact he is still nursing. how can this possibly be about the fact that the child still nurses? This persists as a very popular theory, yet As far as I am aware there's no evidence that a child needs to be weaned in order to happily spend the night away from their mother. Some children are going to have a very hard time being away from their mothers some children are going to have an easier time. Some children have a better time with some people than others. None of this has anything to do with whether a child nurses.
    Whatever the reason for the problems with grandma, the fact is this is your child and you (and your husband) are the only ones responsible for his health and happiness. If continuing to nurse your child when you want to including overnight is what you think is best for your child (and certainly the science is on your side) then that is what you should do.
    Likewise, Your child's grandmother is free to babysit overnight or not. If weaning is a criteria for your child to stay overnight that is probably not the best place for the child to be staying overnight anyway. If you have no other choice I would suggest tell her that he has been nightweaned. After all if he spends the night away from you he will not nurse that night and consequently for that night he will be night weaned. You can explain to her that your child may wake overnight and requires comforting when they wake. This could be true of any young child who is barely two whether they are nursing or not.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2014

    Default Re: Why am I forcing my 23 month old to Night Wean????

    I thought that I had to night wean my then 18m old girl before a night-away from her. I was so stressed out and sought advise here on this forum. She was with her grandparents for a day and a half when us parents went to a wedding. Her grandmother is very much co-weaning after 9m..! Anyway I didnt get my self to the point to night wean. She co-sleeps and they had her in bed with them the whole night. She woke up maybe 3-5 times crying but always settled after few minutes. When we got back from the wedding I nursed her and just kept on doing what we have been doing She is still nursing during the night (20m old) but she does not fall a sleep with the breast. And she does not get the breast if she wakes up before I get in bed. But that´s another story
    Sweet, strong willed girl born in dec. 2012

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2013

    Default Re: Why am I forcing my 23 month old to Night Wean????

    I'd let it go for now. Would you be okay with your mom giving him a bottle or sippy cup in the night if he won't settle otherwise? That's what my husband has done when I've traveled or when I work overnight. In my experience, babies adapt to getting different things from different people. It sounds like not getting milk from you when you are there is more upsetting than it would be with you not there, if that makes sense.

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