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Thread: conflicted about my attachment to my baby

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!

    Default Re: conflicted about my attachment to my baby

    Well....maybe that's it. Or MAYBE he's asking because he really misses you and wants some attention. They new family dynamic with a baby in the mix can leave husbands feeling left out and not sure where they fit into the new normal. I find that to be especially true in breastfeeding households where there is co-sleeping going in. Because every thing is baby baby baby nonstop. And there is no time for sex and even if there is/was a LOT of new mothers are getting their intimacy quota filled with a nursing/always touching them child. So I wouldn't ignore your DH's request for some alone time. In fact, I'd actually work extra hard to work it out. IME men who aren't feeling ignored are MUCH MUCH more likely to be supportive of nursing relationships long term. Time and time again what I see is that if they feel like their relationship with their partners has been neglected as a result of the birth of a child, they pressure mothers' and children to wean. Whereas if they are paid attention to, they are much more likely to be supportive and let mother and child work it out without spousal pressure. Just something to consider. Investing the time and energy to give your DH attention now, could pay you back in spades at the year point.

    Way too lazy for formula

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Feb 2014

    Default Re: conflicted about my attachment to my baby

    You are right djsmom. I can't get over the pumping aversion. I am trying. I know I once did it but it was because I had to in order to keep up breastfeeding. Now that I don't have to I see it as a choice. One I clearly don't want to choose.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Hurst, TX

    Default Re: conflicted about my attachment to my baby

    Wow I totally relate to what you are going through. We couldn't bottle feed bc I had excess lipase in my milk for 5 months. Finally that cleared up...thank goodness. BC there are times (while I love to BF), where I feel like I'm trapped. My back would hurt from sitting too long, I would be exhausted from doing overnights exclusively by myself. Anyway, I have lots of support, but even that isn't enough. The way attachment theory works (from an attachment theory therapist here)...is that you are supposed to feel weird about it. It's OK that you have formed a great bond with baby. Beyond that... the logistics alone of leaving baby are so difficult. And I find myself saying "is it really worth it?". Sometimes my answer is absolutely yet, and sometimes the answer is nah. So my hubby and I have had stay in dates where we get take out and order a movie. And we have gone on three dates since Noah was born. And during all three of those dates poor little guy slept great, but didn't eat a thing. Luckily we weren't gone long or I would have felt terrible. It might be helpful to remember and remind yourself of the reasons you need some time away. A healthy you= a healthy mom. So we had to start taking day-time dates to make us feel more comfortable. And we only allow my MIL to watch my son (who is really inconsistent, but is a great baby watcher). I think it's also hard for anyone to watch an EBF baby. This is just my opinion...but if you think about it...that baby isn't really used to too many people feeding them, so it's hard on them. Some babies are so chill about it, it wouldn't be abig deal. But our little guy is kind of sensitive to that...so you might be picking up on your babies personality as well. My vote is to ask yourself...what do I feel comfortable with? What do I need? Who do I feel comfortable with watching our baby? How can I make that experience go as well as possible? How can I enjoy my time out? Set yourself up for success...otherwise you are less likely to get out in the future. If that means start small by just grabbing starbucks or froyo...then do that first. Hope that helps.
    Proud Mom of Noah
    Born: October 17, 2013
    7 lbs. 8 oz // 21 inches long

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