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Thread: re-lactating after weaning because of guilt

  1. #1

    Default re-lactating after weaning because of guilt

    Situation:
    I'm in the process of weaning my 15 month old daughter. I have completely weaned off the pump at work and we were working on completely weaning her off breast milk. However, she is not taking to it very well at night and she isn't tolerating cow's milk or goat's milk very well (she's been constipated for a few weeks) and I feel extremely guilty for not letting her nurse when she asks for it at night because she gets super upset and it just breaks my heart. Although I can calm her with a bottle. I still nurse her first thing in the morning, so I still have some milk, but I know my supply is very low.

    Reason for weaning:
    We're planning on TTC #2 in August and I didn't want to continue breast feeding while pregnant because I can't imagine breast feeding being comfortable with a big belly.

    Questions:
    1. Would it be possible to get a supply back if I start her back on night time feedings alone or would I have to pump as well?

    2. Should I just continue in the weaning process since August is only a few months away and I would have to go through this horrible weaning process anyway?

    3. Is it safe to breastfeed while pregnant? I've heard it could cause contractions and lead to early labor.

    I just don't know what to do. I feel so guilty. I'm also open to any advice or words of encouragement. Thanks ladies.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: re-lactating after weaning because of guilt

    there is a whole section about breastfeeding while pregnant.
    http://forums.llli.org/forumdisplay....ring-Pregnancy

    If you are trying to wean anyway, there would be no reason to pump. You could let her nurse at night (which could bring your supply back up a bit) and if you supply is really low then it would just be for comfort and if that isn't to her liking you explain that you are running out of milk.

  3. #3
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    May 2006
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    Default Re: re-lactating after weaning because of guilt

    We're planning on TTC #2 in August and I didn't want to continue breast feeding while pregnant because I can't imagine breast feeding being comfortable with a big belly.
    One of the most valuable mothering lessons I learned was "Don't borrow trouble from the future." I understand why you can't imagine nursing while pregnant- though nipple soreness is generally a greater complaint than a big belly getting in the way!- but what if you end up being one of the women for whom nursing while pregnant is just fine?

    I guess what I'm asking is, would you rather wean because you reach a point where you feel the need, or wean because you're afraid of what might happen?

    1. Would it be possible to get a supply back if I start her back on night time feedings alone or would I have to pump as well?
    Yes. Just remember that supply is going to be proportional to the number of nursing sessions. So if you don't have any daytime stimulation via pumping, your supply isn't going to be huge. It should still be enough for the number if nursing sessions you have, though.

    2. Should I just continue in the weaning process since August is only a few months away and I would have to go through this horrible weaning process anyway?
    A lot can change in just a few months, when it comes to how willing your child is to wean. Also, you may want to conceive in August, but nature may have other plans! The chances of a woman conceiving during any given cycle are low, and you might not get pregnant again for months after you start trying.

    3. Is it safe to breastfeed while pregnant? I've heard it could cause contractions and lead to early labor.
    Yes, for most women it is completely safe to breastfeed while pregnant. The only exceptions to this rule are women with a history of miscarriage or preterm labor. Those women should probably wean, to avoid the possibility of nursing causing contractions which tip them over into an early labor.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  4. #4
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    Jun 2009
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    Default Re: re-lactating after weaning because of guilt

    It sounds to me as if your child is not ready to wean. This is entirely normal, she is very young and still a baby in many ways. She not only needs your milk, she needs the act of nursing as a comfort.

    This does not mean you should feel guilty if weaning is the best choice for you. Breastfeeding is a relationship that involves mother and baby. if it is not working for you, it is time to contemplate bringing it to a close. This can be done in a gentle, gradual manner, respecting your child's feelings.

    However, I would suggest you appear unsure or conflicted about weaning, and assume that nursing while pregnant is going to be uncomfortable. It may be, but carrying around a 2 year old, bending down to pick up toys, cleaning up around the highchair after meals, etc etc, can be quite uncomfortable when pregnant as well.

    Have you considered NOT trying to conceive in August and waiting a few months instead? Also, what if you push weaning now, but it takes several months to conceive anyway?

    There is no way to predict the future of course, but weaning often happens anyway during pregnancy, because milk production reduces.

    In my experience, while I had some discomfort with nipple sensitivity while nursing my then two year old when I was pregnant with his brother, overall I found that nursing when pregnant was GREAT because it gave me an excuse to lie down. (I tend to be very tired when pregnant.) And nursing continued to be a way I could easily care for and comfort my son through a difficult pregnancy. (Mine were all difficult.)

    I suggest the book "Adventures in Tandem Nursing" for info on nursing when pregnant and the many different types of experiences mothers have with that, as well as with nursing two after baby comes if that happens as well.

  5. #5

    Default Re: re-lactating after weaning because of guilt

    I know she's not ready to wean and I am very unsure and conflicted about weaning. I just would like my body back. Sometimes I get a rush of impatient anxiety and get an overwhelmingly strong urge to unlatch her. To top it off, my husband is also making me feel guilty for weaning her off because she is having tummy issues with cow and goat milk.

    I really don't want to go past August to start trying to conceive. We want our children to be around 2 - 2.5 yrs apart. My husband and his brother are 2.5 yrs apart and they are really close. So he is adamant about trying to get ours close to the same age range.

    I know trying and actual conceiving are different. I chart so I think I have a pretty good chance of conceiving around the time we want if I time it right. If not in August, then maybe a few months after (that's if there isn't some underlying issue that would prevent us from conceiving again.)
    Last edited by @llli*anna827; June 10th, 2014 at 09:39 AM.

  6. #6
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    May 2006
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    Default Re: re-lactating after weaning because of guilt

    If YOU are ready to wean, it is fine for you to do so! We just don't want you weaning out of fear of things which could never happen.

    If it's time for you to wean, be calm, patient, and persistent. You'll get where you want to go. Offer your child lots of love, snuggles, snacks, and alternate forms of comfort- she needs to know that you're there for her as you remove breastfeeding from your relationship.

    Even with charting and a good grasp of your fertility cycle, don't expect immediate pregnancy achievement. IIRC, the chances of conceiving are around 15-30% during any given cycle. So don't be surprised if the stars don't align for a few months- though they very well might! My second daughter is proof positive that you can hit a home run during your first time at bat.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    5,473

    Default Re: re-lactating after weaning because of guilt

    I am sorry anyone is trying to make you feel guilty, and I am very sorry if the first line of my reply contributed to that. Please also see the second line of my reply. Nursing (and weaning) is ultimately between the two people involved, your feelings are real and legitimate and should be honored.

    Of course I hope you are able to conceive at the right time for you, but I guess I have often seen the best laid plans go very far afield when it comes to child spacing, even when there are no infertility issues. But my point was more that if you don't feel ready to wean, or are feeling very conflicted about it, there is no rush to wean necessarily due to planning for a pregnancy.

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