Four months ago, when my son 14 months, we night weaned. (yay!) Two months ago, when my son was 16 months, I was able to wean from the pump (yay!). Shortly afterwards, I started menstruating again (believe it or not, also yay! because we want a second baby).
All of these transitions were extremely emotionally difficult and took a looong time to work up to, even though I knew they were the right thing to do, I just wasn't ready. Still, DS and I continued to nurse 5-6 times a day when I wasn't at work, and 3 times a day when I did go to work.
Well, over the last week, I had a very stressful few days and my milk supply dropped a lot. Additionally, my milk stopped letting down about 50% of the time (stress and low supply has this effect on me). Finally, DS started getting his 4 top teeth all at once. (He has only had the bottom two for the first 17 months of his life!)
I have been trying to wean myself off the mother's milk tea, fenugreek and motherlove special blend pills I have been taking since he was born. I have resisted pumping or upping my herbs in order to bolster my milk supply. Basically, I am trying to be much more relaxed about nursing and allow DS to nurse whenever he wants. Partly this is because he (almost) never asks to nurse and often seems to not really want to, but just doing it to please me.
He is getting more verbal and now I can ask him, "Do you want milk" and he often says, "no." This is sooooo hard for me. It takes a lot of restraint to stop myself from scooping him up and trying again and again to get him to nurse. Meanwhile, my supply gets lower and lower and I am an emotional mess and DS is JUST FINE.
I am concluding from this that I need to deal with my emotional issues and understand that he just doesn't want to nurse as much as we used to, and that if my milk supply dwindles, then we may just peter out.
Anyone have any tips on how to distract myself from the compulsion to nurse baby all day long when they clearly don't care and don't want to nurse? I feel so frustrated and miss the oxytocin rush SO MUCH, I feel like an addict going through withdrawal. I'm like, "just one more hit, baby, please!!"
On the other hand, nursing has been very stressful (even now, we have to be home, in his darkened nursery, which really limits our ability to leave the house!) and both of us might be a lot happier to have a more relaxed attitude and start living life. Right now, if DS "rejects" the breast, or I don't get a let down. I won't leave the house, wracked with anxiety, and every 30-45 minutes will "try again." I know this isn't healthy for either of us. But I don't know how to let it go. Any advice or empathy would be so appreciated. I am worried that this compulsion to nurse my son may negatively affect him and I really want to respect him and encourage his natural movements towards toddler "independence". Am I a freak? or are these feelings normal? I am seeing a therapist and we talk about this, but it really is helpful to talk to moms that have been there or are in it right now.