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Thread: Negotiating with DH

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    173

    Default Negotiating with DH

    So my 2.5 year old is still nursing several times through the day, always nursing to sleep (nap and night) and a couple times in the wee hours of the morning. That's OK with me and DH.

    The problem I have is that DH absolutely refuses to stay home with her for more than a few hours at a time. He normally looks after her for 6-8 h each day, but I am working at home and she will come nurse or see me during that time. He says I can't leave her with him overnight because she needs to nurse and needs her mother and she won't sleep and he won't do it. But then he also complains about me dragging him around on work trips (to look after our daughter), and tries to get me to say "no" to things I would really like to do in my job, like travel to a thesis defense, etc. Maybe this is more a rant than a question. But maybe you have some experience with convincing a reluctant man to look after a nursing toddler overnight.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    2,214

    Default Re: Negotiating with DH

    How about starting with a shorter separation to build his confidence that he can do it? One very plausible scenario is that if you're not around, she won't ask to nurse. At this point she is certainly very well aware that nursing and mommy are inextricably linked! There are plenty of stories on these forums about toddlers who wake up many times to nurse when mommy is there, and when mommy is not, toddler will sleep through the night! (Or at the least, be satisfied with some cuddling from daddy.)

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    21,355

    Default Re: Negotiating with DH

    If he won't jump off the cliff himself, you have to nudge him towards it a bit at a time. Perhaps you have an evening meeting that you simply must go to, meaning that he has to manage bedtime by himself? If he can do that, maybe he'll feel more confident about longer stretches of independence.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Northern Virginia
    Posts
    616

    Default Re: Negotiating with DH

    If your mother is still living and can come visit, you can always threaten to have her come stay with him and LO while you go away! Being alone with toddler and MIL might do the trick, although I guess then he could just abandon both of them. Even though my DH gets along well with my mom, she would drive him crazy alone for more than a day or so.
    Mom to my sweet little "Pooper," born 10/12/11, and "Baby Brother," born 6/23/2014, and married to heavy metal husband. Working more than full-time, making healthy vegetarian meals for family, and trying to keep up with exercise routine.

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