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Thread: babies and cry

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
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    42

    Default babies and cry

    Hey everyone
    Not sure if this belongs here in this section or at this site for that matter, but here goes - I have a 16m old daughter who is breastfeeding. And when she cries I respond. How does another´s baby cry affect you? Im talking about very hurting cry for her/his mama. I get really anxious and have a tight chest when I hear babies cry. I was so unlucky to witness a 10m old baby being weaned where her mother nor father was around She was put with her grandparents over night so she could be weaned off the breast and she obviously did not like it (or was ready for this). But her cry was so intense and heartbreaking to hear. Its not just when this happened. I get tears in my eyes every time I hear a baby cry and Im wondering if my hormones are just sky high? Cause everyone else seemed to not be annoyed with it or feeling it to be awful, even the grandmother. Im not trying to talk behind those parents backs about their weaning decisions, just wanted to know if anyone else would feel the same in similar situation?

    Sweet, strong willed girl born in dec. 2012

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
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    358

    Default Re: babies and cry

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*elisabet View Post
    Hey everyone
    Not sure if this belongs here in this section or at this site for that matter, but here goes - I have a 16m old daughter who is breastfeeding. And when she cries I respond. How does another´s baby cry affect you? Im talking about very hurting cry for her/his mama. I get really anxious and have a tight chest when I hear babies cry. I was so unlucky to witness a 10m old baby being weaned where her mother nor father was around She was put with her grandparents over night so she could be weaned off the breast and she obviously did not like it (or was ready for this). But her cry was so intense and heartbreaking to hear. Its not just when this happened. I get tears in my eyes every time I hear a baby cry and Im wondering if my hormones are just sky high? Cause everyone else seemed to not be annoyed with it or feeling it to be awful, even the grandmother. Im not trying to talk behind those parents backs about their weaning decisions, just wanted to know if anyone else would feel the same in similar situation?

    Yes! I would definitely be quite upset on the poor child's behalf. That's heartbreaking. I would probably have some strong words for the grandparent. Some people might say it wouldn't be any of my business. But, silence in the face of gross injustice is tacit complicity. If the child's family- those duty-bound to her- can't be bothered to do what is in the child's best interest, and are clearly causing harm, it is incumbent upon strangers to stand up for the child.

    I think our society has its view of children's value completely backward. Many people don't seem to see young children as equals deserving dignity and love. So, they convince themselves they can do anything they like to harm children (in this case, forced weaning without sensitivity or comforting the child) and they are "justified" because the children are "lesser" beings. We don't have to look too far back in history to see how a similar mindset has affected women, blacks, and Jewish people. Actually, we see this attitude reflected today in sky-high abortion rates, abandonment of disabled children, low breastfeeding rates, tolerance for letting poor children live in unsafe conditions, schools that don't treat children as individuals, child abuse, etc. It's sickening and, in most cases, there were probably good people who witnessed these actions and did nothing to stop them. (I'm not suggesting this is what you're doing. Rather, I think by your strong emotional response and speaking up here, you can change hearts!)
    Last edited by @llli*alphawoman; April 27th, 2014 at 08:04 AM.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    20,999

    Default Re: babies and cry

    Everyone has a different response to babies' cries. For some moms, the cries of babies who are not their own are merely irritating, for some they are upsetting, and for others they are absolutely heartrending.

    I find that the best way to deal with crying, when the baby isn't mine and the parenting choice isn't mine either, is to simply repeat "Not my baby, not my baby," to myself. I may not approve of the choice the parents are making, but as long as the child is not being abused, it's not my place to intervene. If you want to change hearts and minds, the best way to do it is to set a good example.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
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    164

    Default Re: babies and cry

    Yes, I used to have a milk let-down squirting all over whenever another baby cried and a strong instinct to nurse the baby! but I never did of course. My husband and I felt quite upset when our friends were letting their baby cry it out and we made an excuse to leave. I later pointed the mum to some literature on other ways to get baby to sleep…but at the time we juyst had to get out of the house. it was my dh who was more upset than me I think, so not just hormonal. I think the best thing to do is just when you have a friend or colleague get pregnant for the first time casually lend them a copy of a Dr Sears book or link to this LLL website. And as Mommal says, set an example. Harder to intervene when people are already on their own parenting journey. I know I don't much like people criticizing my parenting style (what??? she's STILL breastfeeding????) yet we copied many of our friends and colleagues in their parenting decisions (including more positive things from the cry-it-out couple) and found our own groove.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
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    Default Re: babies and cry

    Well she was held and tried to be comforted with a bottle she didnt want. She was never left alone to cry. But it was rather that the grandparents didnt seem to be affected by her cry. They just tried to get her to go to sleep or eat/drink. But they thought that this approach was the best one and that she was definitely at the right age to be weaned.

    I tried to help with her cause I couldnt see her cry and I suggested that they could feed her something else than a bottle cause she might be getting more upset by it. The grandmother rolled her eyes by this comment and maybe thought that I was not the person to give advise cause I only have one child but she had 5. But I dont know.
    Sweet, strong willed girl born in dec. 2012

  6. #6
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    Apr 2014
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    Default Re: babies and cry

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommal View Post
    If you want to change hearts and minds, the best way to do it is to set a good example.
    I totally agree with this mommal. I def didnt say what I felt but I think everyone saw trough me. And the day after when her mama came by lunch time I didnt comment, just asked if everything went well. And really it did. The baby slept very well trough the night..
    Sweet, strong willed girl born in dec. 2012

  7. #7
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    Apr 2014
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    42

    Default Re: babies and cry

    My daughter was really upset by this crying and we had to go downstairs a few times.
    This mother she has 2 other kids and she told us that they both had self weaned around 10m. Im not so sure I believe that now.. But of course she has the right to make her own decisions and I would never say it to her face that I do not agree.
    Well maybe the hard part is that she is regularly asking me if Im still breastfeeding. I wonder if she would be upset if she witnessed my child cry as much.
    Sweet, strong willed girl born in dec. 2012

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