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Thread: Ok, so weaning...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
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    Unhappy Ok, so weaning...

    Why must we do it? lol JK Seriously... I am not planning on doing so soon, but soon enough Hubby has strong feelings against very extended nursing.. my views, I want to go to AT LEAST a year, probably not until two but no less than one kwim? Anyhow, the way hubby is I think he expects okay that's it on Gavin's first birthday he will no longer nurse! lol I am so scared and worried about weaning though! Gavin nurses for nourishment AND comfort, and he still nurses a LOT at night, and is almost 9 mos old! When we all get ready for bed at night, he "panics" until he has the boob! lol I am not looking forward to having to say no baby no more... it's going to break my heart denying him something that has given him so much for so long! I guess I basically just need to let this out, and look for some advice and reassurance... another reason why I won't go too long, is because I'll have NO support from family, all I will have is "GOD why are you still nursing?" Well thanks for reading Mamas.
    Melanie
    Proud Army Wife to James
    Loving Mommy to DS Gavin: March 16, 2006 and DSS Cody: Feb 13, 1998
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  2. #2
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    Mar 2006
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    Default Re: Ok, so weaning...

    I was in your situation not that long ago, and very passionate about nursing for as long as dd wants to. I basically told my dh that this was one decision I was not willing to bend on, and he looked at me and said it was okay. I was like, "Really?" And he said, "You have obviously done your research and you are so passionate about it."

    We have pretty much made all of our child-rearing decisions together. There was a decision that he made prior to dd's birth, that she would not sleep with us. He was very determined that that was the case, and I just decided not to fight him on it. After she was born, he changed his mind...he could see that I would get more rest and that dd would too. So, we tried it, but it just didn't work for us...I actually got less rest, dd was restless, and so was dh. So, we went back to the bassinet and it has worked out just fine. Occasionally, she will sleep in bed with us, but not very often. My point is that maybe your dh will waiver a bit when the time actually comes...maybe there are some things the two of you can compromise on. Maybe you aren't interested in that. It seemed like, while reading your post, you wanted to continue to nurse but didn't have the support. The only person who will support me is my dh...and all of you here! Our parents are supportive of bfing as long as you would feed a baby formula, and that just so happens to be 1 year. I just decided that for us, it was more important for dd to get the benefits of nursing than it was for us to "fit in" with our families distorted views of extended nursing.

    Ultimately, you will have to make that decision for your family. And it will be just fine. I am sure that the night feedings will be the most difficult to go, as right now, when dd wakes, nothing else will pacify her. She wants the boob! But you can start shortening those sessions and decreasing the number during the day...if you want some links on gradual weaning, I would be happy to find some for you. Just let me know!

    Congratulations on making it 9 months! That is truly an amazing feat, in this day and age.

    Erin
    Wife to a grizzly
    Mama to my little deer (12/05) my loving bear cub (9/07--), and our little tiger (3/22/10)
    Born by one c-section and 2 amazing VBACs


    Miles in 2012: 350.5/900 (Actual Miles Ran: 189)
    Miles in 2011: 708.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 509)
    Miles in 2010: 800.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 620)

    January Miles: 37.5/75
    February Miles: 59/75
    March Miles: 42.5/60
    April Miles: 64
    May Miles: 41/70
    June Miles: 59
    July Miles: 39.5

    227.5 miles on my new shoes
    338 miles on my old shoes

  3. #3
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    Jul 2006
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    Default Re: Ok, so weaning...

    I agree with the pp. I too am in the same situation of having NO support beyond the day of the first birthday. LOL. No one understands that it just doesn't work that way. I read this and plan on implimenting it when/if the time comes. http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Ok, so weaning...

    Revisit this if you can. All I know is the only time DJ still acts like a baby is when he nurses. I can't imagine being ready to stop in 3weeks! I shudder to think! Talke to your husband. Maybe at a year you start the weaning process. So maybe after that you only nurse him at home? Morning and evenings? So as not to have to deal with the lack of family support.

    Way too lazy for formula

  5. #5
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    Apr 2006
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    Default Re: Ok, so weaning...

    thank you ladies yeah I plan on doing some research on gradual weaning, but it's so nice to come here and have support!
    Melanie
    Proud Army Wife to James
    Loving Mommy to DS Gavin: March 16, 2006 and DSS Cody: Feb 13, 1998
    Banners/Photos/HC

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
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    Default Re: Ok, so weaning...

    I can relate! My DH was a great supporter of Bfing prior to one year but has been a VERY reluctant supporter of Bfing past one year. On DD’s first birthday, he asked me when I was going to wean (I had originally said one year but things changed, which I had told him). We have actually argued about the subject and he continues to pressure me about nightweaning at times (usually when he’s sleep deprived-cry me a river ). Similar to what Erin stated, we generally make parenting decisions together. However, I straight up told DH that DD and I are not going to wean unless he can provide me with proof that weaning would be best for our DD (obviously he can’t), and explained to him the benefits of extended BF and gentle weaning. I told him that I value his opinion but I hope that he appreciates the fact that I am acting in the best interests of our DD. I also told him, gently, that he simply can’t fully understand how important Bfing continues to be for mine and DD’s relationship.
    At one point he actually said, “So you’re doing this for yourself?” and I just about throttled him (in my mind, not literally). He ended up apologizing for that comment sincerely. I just wanted to say that it has been an issue for us also, but I have stood my ground. I encourage you to keep the discussion open with your DH and realize that you have a lot of control over the situation!
    I love my DH and we see eye to eye on a lot of things. I think he is a wonderful husband and father , and he is pretty open-minded, but this has been one issue that has been a point of contention.

    Molly

    Loving mama to JP (DS, 1/03 ~ nursed 6 mos), EL (DD1, 9/05 ~ nursed 4 yrs), EJ (DD2, 3/08 ~ nursed 3 yrs 9 mos), and
    JM (DD3, 6/12 ~ currently nursing), all born naturally
    Devoted wife to SAHD P, my hero
    A few of my favorite things that I've discovered on the forum: co-sleeping, baby-wearing, tandem nursing, baby-led solids, cloth diapering, APing, selective vaccination...the list goes on

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    Default Re: Ok, so weaning...

    I gotta tell you, if you try to wean for anyone else's sake, it's going to be VERY hard. Either you or baby need to be ready. I planned to nurse to about one year... well dd is over 2.5 years old and I'm still nursing. Dh wasn't expecting this, I know. But do you know what kind of energy goes into weaning??? You've got to really want it or its not going to happen. We are ready now and I am weaning gradually and it's going great, but back when I was ambivelant about it, weaning went no where.

    On the other hand, 9 months of nursing is SUPER and if you start cutting back now, it will be pretty easy to wean him after he turns one.

    I got my husband to ease up about weaning when I turned it around and said that he would need to take on more parenting if I were going to wean. She would think about it less when I wasn't around -especially at night, if I were to tend to her and not nurse, it was like teasing her (not anymore- thanks to dh she has successfully nightweaned). Well, he didn't like telling her no to "nursies" any more than I did. I also stopped nursing in public for other reasons (she's a twiddler) and that took a lot of pressure off, since she knows to not even ask when we are out.

    Most pressure I've gotten to wean has been rooted in jealousy. People need to learn that just because mom is still breastfeeding doesn't mean that others can't care for the child. Really, other than that, why should anyone care what kind of milk the kid is drinking?

    Julie

  8. #8
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    Mar 2006
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    Default Re: Ok, so weaning...

    Quote Originally Posted by awnja View Post
    Really, other than that, why should anyone care what kind of milk the kid is drinking?
    This sums up my sentiments right now very well! Dh was just mortified that the woman that was stuck in the snow on Grant's Pass in OR was still nursing her 4 yo, and he commented that better never be us. And that's what I told him...what do you care how long they were nursing? That baby is getting milk...and its far less gross to me than getting it from a cow's udder. They lay down in their own poo, for cio . Which is not to say that my dd won't drink cow's milk, but I just don't understand why people are so prudish when it comes to bfing and so nonchalant when Brittany Spears shows up on TV with barely a thing covering her nipples. Arghh!

    Erin
    Wife to a grizzly
    Mama to my little deer (12/05) my loving bear cub (9/07--), and our little tiger (3/22/10)
    Born by one c-section and 2 amazing VBACs


    Miles in 2012: 350.5/900 (Actual Miles Ran: 189)
    Miles in 2011: 708.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 509)
    Miles in 2010: 800.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 620)

    January Miles: 37.5/75
    February Miles: 59/75
    March Miles: 42.5/60
    April Miles: 64
    May Miles: 41/70
    June Miles: 59
    July Miles: 39.5

    227.5 miles on my new shoes
    338 miles on my old shoes

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    784

    Default Re: Ok, so weaning...

    Thanks ladies for sharing your stories


    Erin she has shown worse lately if you seen the pics/article floating around the net *barf* ugh

    I am still debating what I am going to do/when I'm going to wean...
    Melanie
    Proud Army Wife to James
    Loving Mommy to DS Gavin: March 16, 2006 and DSS Cody: Feb 13, 1998
    Banners/Photos/HC

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    Not around here as much :(
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    Default Re: Ok, so weaning...

    I just wanted to add (not hijack mind you ) that DH and I were just discussing this today and he said 'well, you should wean when they (babies) get teeth!" I said "what? some babies get teeth as 3 months old! ya nut case!" he said.. no I mean all their teeth - that's when they're ready to be away from mama and can eat anything!" I looked at him and said "huh?!?!" when does that happen .. at 3. Dang I can't remember anything!

    I know for sure that the plan for us is I am going the baby-led weaning route.

    Good luck to you and your decision you make for your family but I second the sentiment to nudge/encourage DH to support you to go until 1 year at least ...

    ETA: a comment on this mama... if someone ever said this to you

    "GOD why are you still nursing?"
    Why can't you reply with "GOD why do you care?"
    Last edited by Number3; December 6th, 2006 at 03:58 AM.
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