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Thread: looking for the perfect breastfeeding relationship

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
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    51

    Default looking for the perfect breastfeeding relationship

    I have a 15m old girl who breastfeeds 2times a day and every hour or so during the night. I have been pressured to give up breastfeeding all together but I know that this is the best for her. My goal was to breastfeed for a year and then see how things would go.
    I have been struggling with getting her to sleep better for more than a year now and Im getting to my limit. I am so tired but I wont let her cry it out but I would really like her to stop the night feedings. Please can someone give me the magical answer to how I should go about this? We have tried everything there is except putting her in her crib and closing the bedroom door behind us. My perfect dream would be that she would only breastfeed during the mornings. Once a day.
    I am starting to want to wean her but I cant see that happening cause she is not ready and cries until she gets what she wants. Im starting to resent her and I get tears in my eyes cause that is not how I want to feel towards my child. My nipples hurt like crazy and I get frustrated after maybe an hour of feeding until she is a sleep. She wakes up so many times before I get to bed, sometimes I have to stay in bed with her from 8pm until morning..
    Next june she will be 18m old and we are leaving her with my in laws for a weekend. There is a HUGE pressure on me from people around me to wean her before that date. I would not mind her to be weaned by then if only that would happen smoothly and with her happy about it. But if not, I would all so not mind if she is still breastfeeding. But she would have to be OK with me leaving for 2days aaand she would only breastfeed once, twice a day. Not all the time. What should I do?? How can I make her happy and healthy and as well make it work for me? How can I get her to be content with only one milky time a day?
    Thank u all so much

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    21,360

    Default Re: looking for the perfect breastfeeding relationship

    Welcome to the forum!

    Unfortunately, there's no magic solution to sleep problems. But here are some things to try:
    - Have someone else handle nighttime wake-ups. For example, daddy can go in and give back rubs and cuddles until baby falls asleep- she's not going to want to nurse from him!
    - Communicate. Explain to your LO that "When the sun goes down, baby is going to sleep, mommy is going to sleep, and (insert your nursing word here) is going to sleep. In the morning, everyone will wake up and then she can nurse." Even toddlers who are not yet particularly verbal can get the gist of this concept if it is repeated often enough. In the morning, reinforce the lesson: "The sun is up! Sleep time is over and it's time to nurse!"
    - Keep a sippy cup full of water available for nighttime wake-ups. Night waking toddlers are sometimes genuinely thirsty.
    - If you decide to night-wean, don't vacillate. Make your decision and stick with it. Going back and forth- some nights giving in, some nights not- just confuses your LO and teaches here that if she kicks up enough fuss, you might give in.
    - Make sure her teeth aren't bothering her. If her 1 year molars or canines are still coming in, that could explain a lot of night-waking, and you might want to wait until those teeth are in before doing anything.
    - If you decide to night-wean, remember that some crying is probably inevitable. Dedicated night nursers don't give in without a fight! But if you are right there with your child, offering her comfort in some form, you are still being a loving and responsive nighttime parent. You do not have to give in to crying- but you also shouldn't just shut the door and leave.

    Who is pressuring you to wean, and why?
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
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    1,501

    Default Re: looking for the perfect breastfeeding relationship

    Mommal said everything I would have said, so I'll just say listen to Mommal

    I night weaned DS3 around this age, and consistency is very important. He fusssed and even threw fits about it, but through it all I was right there to hold him and comfort him in every other way except nursing. Sometimes DH was there instead of me, but we never just left him alone and comfortless. Occasionally even several months later he will come into our room in the middle of the night asking to nurse, but I remind him it's not time and invite him to lay with me and hold my hand until he falls back to sleep (which is usually within seconds).

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
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    318

    Default Re: looking for the perfect breastfeeding relationship

    Your post sounds so much like my post from about a month ago.

    We started having my husband put my 16 month old to bed, and she accepted it without tears. We also gave her a pillow, previously she had no pillow and we have a queen pushed up against her crib mattress on the floor. One huge bed.

    I'm not sure if it was the pillow or my husband, or the fact that she has almost all her teeth at this point. Probably all of these contributed to some better sleep.

    Have you tried nursing her in a different spot and then letting your partner put her to bed? That's what we do most of the time.

    It sounds like your daughter is waking up from discomfort, or just plain missing that you aren't there, or she is teething, or anything really! I could never figure out why exactly my daughter woke up so many times...then she just stopped.
    and Mama to two little girls

  5. #5
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    Mar 2013
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    318

    Default Re: looking for the perfect breastfeeding relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*elisabet View Post
    My perfect dream would be that she would only breastfeed during the mornings. Once a day.
    This really jumped out at me. It sounds like you still want the connection with her that nursing provides but you don't want to nurse at night? Once a day at this age just might not be realistic, especially if she is really attached to nursing. If you night wean it might actually make her more likely to nurse very very often during the day. Maybe, maybe not. And even for us, my daughter still wakes at night to nurse no matter who puts her to bed and in spite of the fact that she can fall alseep by herself with my husband just in the room. She has stopped crying loudly and sleeps more restfully but nurses about 3x per night or 2x. Neither of us really wake up, but we used to, so I totally appreciate your situation because I've been there!

    Also, I did read the No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers, it was pretty helpful as a starting point. The author has you take a detailed look at what is going on with your toddler's sleep on a typical day and you write down your goals.
    and Mama to two little girls

  6. #6
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    Jun 2009
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    Default Re: looking for the perfect breastfeeding relationship

    Have you tried nursing more often during the day? A child of this age may well still need to nurse for many reasons. If that need is not met during the day, the child may ask more at night.

    There is no perfect breastfeeding relationship anymore than there is a perfect any other kind of relationship. Relationships are between 2 (or more) people and the needs and desires of both people involved must be considered. this usually requires compromise on the part of both parties. But when the relationship is between an adult and a young child, often most of the compromise must come from the adult.

    An 18 month old is unlikely to be "ok" with being separated from her mom for two days. But assuming she is well cared for and loved by your inlaws, which of course I do assume, she will be fine. But I see no reason to wean or even partially wean prior to that event.

    What should I do?? How can I make her happy and healthy and as well make it work for me? How can I get her to be content with only one milky time a day?
    I do not think anyone can make a child be happy. A parent can only meet the needs of that child whenever they can, and accept the child's unhappiness and comfort the child through that unhappiness when they can't. No one can meet their child's every nee4d every time, but that does not change the child's needs. The desire to nurse is experienced by a nursing child this age (and in many cases, much older) as a need. If a child this age is not nursed, they have almost universally transferred that real and normal need to a security object of some kind (pacifier, bottle, security blanket, etc. )

    besides your exhaustion from the lack of sleep, what else about nursing is not working for you?

  7. #7
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    Apr 2014
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    Default Re: looking for the perfect breastfeeding relationship

    thank u!
    She is cocleeping in a side car beside our bed. Should I leave them 2 and sleep in the living room for some nights? We have tried to do that and it was hard but it got better. But after some time it went to same thing again - waking up every hour..

    Well friends who have weaned their children early are pressuring me and some of my family members.

  8. #8
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    Apr 2014
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    Default Re: looking for the perfect breastfeeding relationship



    She has only 6 teeth and it is a long time ago she got them so Im allways waiting for more to come.. She is the biggest mommies-girl, she really does not want daddy to do anything except having fun. We have maybe been successfull in night weaning her 3times and all times lasted maybe for 4-5nights but the process took about 5-7days. She continued to wake up during the nights and that is common I guess. We have been thinking if she has some illness like acid reflux or food sensitivity.

  9. #9
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    Apr 2014
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    Default Re: looking for the perfect breastfeeding relationship

    Yes Im not sure If I want to just night wean or to wean all together. And Im not sure if it is do to pressure or if it is my own desire :/ All I know is that Im not resting enough and my nipples hurt and my whole body when Im on my side during the night. I go to university and Im not doing well at all. I really am not bothered by breastfeeding during the mornings and evenings.
    Some times her grandparent´s say that they cant have her for a whole weekend cause she is STILL breastfeeding. When is it normal for a child to go away from her parents for 2days? Its not bothering me that she is with me all the time, I love it. Maybe I would want to have a day or a night to my self but thats all.

  10. #10
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    Apr 2014
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    51

    Default Re: looking for the perfect breastfeeding relationship

    Hi
    About nursing more often during the day, I have tried that yes. And she has been like this for a very long time now. More than a year. And so maybe she is just like this and needs to nurse? Everyone is telling me that I made her like this, I gave her the breast too often! I agree that I have to make compromises and I feel guilty that I even want to stop the nursing The reason why Im leaving her for 2days is cause my sister is getting married and the event takes place out in the country side and its not a party for young children really. Every one thinks that having your child be babysit for a weekend is no big deal. I feel sometimes like Im making too of a big deal out of this..
    Im tired and her teeth leave a permanent mark on my areola´s! My body is as well acing from being on my sides all the time during night.

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