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Thread: Feel rejected by by son

  1. #1

    Default Feel rejected by by son

    Hi all,

    I am new to this forum. In fact, I just started actively reading the posts here 2 days ago. I was so inspired by your success stories that I was going to try to breastfeed my son exclusively.

    Let me give you some background info. When my son was 2 days old, he started showing signs that he needed more milk than I could produce. The hospital suggested that I supplemented with formula to tide us over till my milk came in.

    When I got back home, I had a nanny help look after us for a month. She immediately suggested buying a can of formula which I did. So for the first few weeks, although I tried nursing my son, it would take over an hour and afterward he would still cry in hunger. Then the nanny would suggest topping him up with formula. At 6 days old, I asked an LC for help as I felt I wasn't producing enough milk. She taught us to cup feed him and told us that she was concerned he wasn't gaining his birth weight and was showing signs he wasn't feeding enough. At about 10 days old, the LC allowed us to feed him with the bottle. We continued feeding him this way, 60ml EBM followed by 20-30ml formula.

    When he was about 2-3 weeks old, he would latch on but scream after a few minutes at the breast. I suspected I either had too forceful a let down or he wasn't getting enough milk so I made the decision to solely express milk so that he could be bottle fed. That way, I could see how much milk he was taking in. I thought I would be able to continue to BF him more once he got older and was able to take the strong let down. However, I would still latch him on once every day or every two days and he would suckle fine. However after 5-10 mins he would pull off and not want to take anymore, only to start crying about 30mins to an hour later. So again, I resorted to the bottle to ensure he had enough.

    This went on for a few more weeks and I was almost content having him drink EBM from the bottle and having a few nursing sessions here and there. However, 2 days ago, I chanced upon this forum and had a renewed sense of zest. I wanted to BF him more often, even exclusively, forgoing the pump.

    However, tragedy struck this morning. He totally refused the breast. He cried and screamed and absolutely refused the breast. He would take my breast in for a while, lick the nipple for a bit and then spit it out and then cry and scream. I gave up and bottle fed him.

    I just tried again and he again threw a fit and rejected it again. I held him there for a while and didn't let him struggle and he suckled for about 10 minutes after that he pulled off and refused to take it again. After struggling with him for another 10 mins or so, I relented and gave him the bottle. He seemed to refused it for a while but then took it in fine after.

    I should have seen the warning signs though. For a while now, each time he was on the breast, he would suckle for 5-10 minutes and then he would arch his back and then pull on the nipple and then pull off. He seemed to root again and look for it again, but would pull off again and again. I didn't know what that meant - either he had enough / couldn't get enough / or was having tummy pains (he had reflux issues and is on Zantac).

    What can I do now ? Can I still salvage the situation ? I don't need him to BF exclusively but I need him to still nurse at least once or twice a day. This feeling is really terrible, being rejected by your own son. Please help !

  2. #2

    Default Re: Feel rejected by by son

    Oops I forgot to say that my son is now 9.5 weeks old.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2010

    Default Re: Feel rejected by by son

    Hey momma, I do not have direct advice, but wanted to offer encouragement. Drinking from a bottle is much easier than nursing, and your LO has most likely just decided that the bottle is easier. Don't lose hope. There are lots of very wise and knowledgeable women here who can get you on track. It will take patience on your part for sure. I see nothing in your post that indicates that you cannot EBF. But of course, more experienced moms will chime in.
    FT working momma to a 9/11/10 busy boy and 11/13/12 happy little man.
    Also wife to hubs since 8/23/08, bonus momma to H (girl) -99 and G (boy)-03

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2009

    Default Re: Feel rejected by by son

    Hi I'm sorry I can't post the link, but a very good article for your situation is called help my baby won't nurse. It is on the Kelly mom.com website it can be a little bit difficult navigating her search engine but it's worth it it's an excellent article. Try searching the term my baby won't nurse I think that is how I usually find it.
    I'm curious if your milk production is adequate for your baby now? You don't mention it but are you still supplementing with formula or are you able to exclusively give your baby your own breastmilk?
    It does not really matter, the tips in that article will help either way – I am just trying to get a clear handle on the situation so that we can help you as much as much as possible.
    Also who all is caring for baby now? Are you back at work is that why you have a nanny? In other words are there times that baby still needs bottles in the sense that you were not there to breast-feed baby? Or are you available to baby most of the time?
    Again you can still bring a baby back to the breast even if you're back to work. It just helps to have a clear picture.
    Probably the best way to look at bringing baby back to the breast is to realize what you are trying to do is key in to baby's true instincts. To do this it usually helps to be holding baby much of the time, either actually skin to skin, or simply having the breasts ready (easy access) so that it is quick and easy to offer baby at any time, at the very earliest cues or signals or even before there are any signals. Not just one baby is hungry. Comfort nursing, which is normal and healthy, is what usually comes first when a baby has begun to refuse the breast. No baby on earth instinctually prefers to nurse from a bottle rather than from mother. But bottlefeeding certainly overtime will train a baby to bottlefeed, which is so different than breast-feeding that baby loses the interest and even the ability to breast-feed properly. So you need to help them. It can take time and it will require patience, but I can assure you that baby's much much older than your child have been successfully brought back to the breast. In fact there are even children who have been brought to the breast when they have never breast-fed previously.
    It would be nice to know what caused the initial difficulties. It's hard at this point to understand if you were undermined by poor advice, or if baby was truly having difficulty getting enough milk at the breast, or some combination of the two.

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