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Thread: Handling requests to nurse in public

  1. #31
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    rockford,il
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    661

    Default Re: Handling requests to nurse in public

    http://www.ocrf.org/news/extended-br...ovarian-cancer

    Here's one concerning your health

  2. #32
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    California
    Posts
    416

    Default Re: Handling requests to nurse in public

    Alphawoman--thank you for your outrage. Makes me feel better.

    DJ's mom--thank you. I figured out how to get to the "relationships and sexuality" forum.

    Mommal--Thanks for the links. I doubt stuff from the Talmud would make that much difference as DH is Catholic (I'm Jewish, and we're raising DS Jewish). Plus I've already told him the Talmud supports nursing until age 2-3 and it didn't make a dent.

    Zayne--Thanks for the link.

    Carm3--Glad I can be a "role model" haha. Not sure what a great job I'm doing but I'm persisting. Love the Jack Newman article and plan to show it to my DH--thank you!

    Does anyone have evidence about the psychological effects of extended nursing on children? That seems to be DH's main concern. He is CONVINCED I am raising a "dependent child" by continuing to nurse. I think DS has been unusually clingy because a)he just started preschool, which is asking a lot of him at only 2 years old and b)he's been sick. I am sure DH's mom and dad are feeding him the idea that I am making DS "dependent" by nursing. I have googled and googled and can't find any research one way or the other on the psychological effects of extended breastfeeding. I see a number of assertions from Jack Newman, Dr. Sears, etc. that extended nursing results in more secure children in the long run, but no evidence to back those assertions (though it makes sense to me). I also found the sentence in the AAP statement on breastfeeding about "no evidence of psychological or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the 3rd year of life or beyond" but I would like more evidence to back me up. I think all the anthropological stuff about how prolonged nursing is actually the biologic norm is interesting, but not particularly compelling to DH.

    Fundamentally I think this is just a disagreement between me and DH on parenting philosophy. He is more traditional (cry-it-out, make kids eat, etc.) and I am much more attachment-parenting-oriented. The disagreement wasn't really that evident until DS became a toddler. When he was a young baby, we agreed on most things. The differences have become more pronounced as he's gotten older.
    First-time mama to Joshua, 10/29/11. 29 months and going strong! for 14 months; now finished with pump weaning!

  3. #33
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    21,182

    Default Re: Handling requests to nurse in public

    I doubt stuff from the Talmud would make that much difference as DH is Catholic (I'm Jewish, and we're raising DS Jewish). Plus I've already told him the Talmud supports nursing until age 2-3 and it didn't make a dent.
    Too bad- if your DH was susceptible to what the Talmud says, you'd be golden; the Talmud actually treats nursing until age 5 as unremarkable. (See Niddah 9.)

    Since he's Catholic, maybe Pope Francis will make more of an impact: http://www.salon.com/2014/01/14/pope...e_its_alright/



    Does anyone have evidence about the psychological effects of extended nursing on children? That seems to be DH's main concern. He is CONVINCED I am raising a "dependent child" by continuing to nurse. I think DS has been unusually clingy because a)he just started preschool, which is asking a lot of him at only 2 years old and b)he's been sick. I am sure DH's mom and dad are feeding him the idea that I am making DS "dependent" by nursing. I have googled and googled and can't find any research one way or the other on the psychological effects of extended breastfeeding. I see a number of assertions from Jack Newman, Dr. Sears, etc. that extended nursing results in more secure children in the long run, but no evidence to back those assertions (though it makes sense to me). I also found the sentence in the AAP statement on breastfeeding about "no evidence of psychological or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the 3rd year of life or beyond" but I would like more evidence to back me up. I think all the anthropological stuff about how prolonged nursing is actually the biologic norm is interesting, but not particularly compelling to DH.
    The snippet from the AAP's policy statement actually references Katherine Dettwyler's research; she is pretty much the authority on extended breastfeeding.

    It sounds like your DH is pretty much impervious to research. Katherine Detwyler's not good enough, the AAP isn't good enough, Sears and Newman aren't good enough... I really have to wonder what would be good enough for him to accept that breastfeeding into early childhood is a) normal and b) not detrimental. It might help to reverse the dynamic- instead of you trying to prove your point, ask your DH to prove his, and find some research that supports the idea that breastfeeding is weird or will make your child too dependent. I think I can guarantee that he will not find any resources that are near as authoritative as what you have backing up your viewpoint.

    Fundamentally I think this is just a disagreement between me and DH on parenting philosophy. He is more traditional (cry-it-out, make kids eat, etc.) and I am much more attachment-parenting-oriented. The disagreement wasn't really that evident until DS became a toddler. When he was a young baby, we agreed on most things. The differences have become more pronounced as he's gotten older.
    Disagreements about parenting are the hardest ones in a marriage. My DH and I see eye to eye on most things, but not everything, and we have had some pretty significant arguments as a result. It might help if you can both acknowledge that you both feel strongly about this because you both want to be good parents. That might defuse some of the animosity.

    If this were me, I'd try to get my DH to go to a child psychologist, one who was carefully pre-screened by me for knowledge about and support of breastfeeding. If the child psychologist can hold his hand a bit and gently explain to your DH that he's being a doofus, it might make an impact...
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  4. #34
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,475

    Default Re: Handling requests to nurse in public

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*joshuas.mommy View Post
    Your post kind of insinuated that I'm not being adequately sensitive to DS' needs, and that kind of offended me, honestly. Maybe I'm being overly sensitive and that's not what you meant.
    I'm sorry, that wasn't my intent. What I meant was that your worries / stress about other's perception of you, shouldn't be your driver to make a parenting decision. I'm a firm believer that we should never (or at least do our best to) not make a parenting decision from a stressful place or due to a stressful situation. Anything that will constitute a milestone or set precedence, needs to come from a peaceful place.

    I'm sure you love your son and are very sensitive to his needs. Otherwise you wouldn't be posting here. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

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