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Thread: I Just Need A Little Support

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Posts
    11

    Default I Just Need A Little Support

    I'm terrified . I haven't given birth yet, but I don't know where else to put this.

    I have a one and a half year old daughter, her name is Alaura. I am also seven months (or twenty eight weeks if you prefer) pregnant with my second child.

    When I gave birth to Alaura it started with my water breaking at 9:21 in the morning. I wasn't really sure what it was and I thought I had peed myself without knowing I had to pee. My husband left me with my mom after I told him not to worry about it and that I was sure I had peed myself even though I was super confused. I put on a heavy pad and sat down at my computer hoping it didn't really happen again. Almost fifteen minutes later, my mom was showering and I got up and crossed my living room. After getting halfway to my bedroom door there was a big gush and suddenly I was standing in a puddle. My (five at the time) stepdaughter asked me what was wrong because I had suddenly stopped moving. I told her to go play and called for my mom. She came out (not knowing anything about water breaking because hers never had) and asked what I needed. I moved and showed her the puddle and told her that I was pretty sure it was my water. (I had asked my friend Kelly on the computer). She asked if I wanted to call my husband, and then without fail my phone was suddenly ringing. It was my husband calling. His grandmother had told him to go home because he wasn't sure if my water had broke or not (he works with his grandparents in their company). He came home and we went to the hospital. (My dad was on an airplane at this moment on his way to come join us so he didn't miss the birth of his grandchild so he didn't know my water had broken).

    When we got there, they did a test and confirmed within seconds of doing the test that it was most definitely my water. My contractions were not what they wanted them to be so we took a small walk around the hospital to see if that would go anywhere. After that they decided they still weren't regular enough so they started me up on pictocin (I think that is how it is spelled). After a while (right when my mother-in-law arrived) the contractions got really intense and terrible (sorry too much info). It felt like I had to poop really really bad. I was four centimeters dilated and in tears trying not to scream in front of my stepdaughter (didn't want to scare her away from childbirth). My mother-in-law took my daughter out of the room while I got up and was told I could go to the bathroom if I didn't feel like pushing. I felt like I had to push something out, but I knew instinctively that it wasn't time even without being checked again. The pain was so intense I broke down from what I had wanted and got the epidural (please do not judge me, for you cannot judge any more harshly than I do myself). The epidural didn't ever take away the feeling that I need to poop though. It was still severely uncomfortable but very manageable. My dad got there an hour or so later and we joked about things. I was periodically checked and then they put me on oxygen (lets not forget the horror of putting in the IV hook ups six times they tried before they finally brought in the anesthesiologist). They made sure I wasn't lying on one side the whole time (which probably saved me a bit of pain in the end). Finally I was ten centimeters and it was time to push. I got to feel her crowning (It was amazing). I tore on the inside (she came out with her fist next to her head and I had to stop pushing in the middle of that because her cord was wrapped around her neck) and had to get a lot of stitches (my husband revels in telling me that blood shot out when they fixed the cord). I deliver the placenta really quickly before getting my stitches. They gave me my daughter right after she was born and the cord was cut.

    Then they took her (while I was being stitched by the doctor). I'm pretty sure they took her out of the room then but I can't say I know because I'm a little fuzzy on the details there. I know I grew impatient for them to bring my baby back so that I could hold her and breastfeed her. She had trouble latching (the nurses didn't really explain that well and she was already crying when they brought her to me). They told me that if she is crying her mouth will be open wide enough to latch (didn't tell me anything about feeding cues or any of that). The lactation consultant told me that eventually she will get angry enough to breastfeed. I felt like such a failure because I couldn't do it right. I got in one partial feeding and then they took her away to do more tests on her. They came back and said that her blood sugar was too low and said that I had to supplement. So they taught my husband how to finger-feed her (after telling me I wouldn't be able to either pump enough or use a nipple shield). I kept trying to breastfeed when I got home from the hospital a few days later and I also pumped, but I wasn't making enough. At her first visit to the pediatrician, her doctor told me that it was never to late to try again. (The first person to actually support me or help in any way. My mom knew how I felt). She recommended a nipple shield and I did a lot of research but my confidence had been shattered so I never got to exclusively breastfeed her (I did co-sleep and do skin-to-skin).

    My question is how can I take more control of that situation? Can I refuse the pictocin? Can I demand they bring me my baby as soon as the stitches are done? Can I ask them to do all tests in my room? Can I ignore them when they tell me I need to supplement? Will bringing a nipple shield and using that to help latch if my baby doesn't do so good on his own work? They didn't tell me any tricks to help with latching. Can I ask that my baby not be taken from the room at all? Please someone give me advice. I'm going to try to go natural but my husband (don't criticize him, he doesn't want to see me in so much pain without being able to do something about it. He has a good reason for it but that is another long story) doesn't really support that too much and my mom (who has gone natural) won't be able to be there for family reasons (another long long story). My mother-in-law , didn't go natural and then had a c-section so no hope there (not that I would ask). So I might end up with the epidural again, but I already told him I was going to go as long as I could and if I end up past the point of no return so be it. (I can't do it before I am in too much pain because I'm not really big on needles even when they aren't going into my spine and I wouldn't be able to hold still if they tried then). Please some advice?
    Looking into her eyes as I held after all the work, I knew an overwhelming love.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
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    12

    Default Re: I Just Need A Little Support

    Hello there and welcome. Congrats on your pregnancy . Its great that you are being proactive and getting info before baby is here.
    I just wanted you to know that most of my friends had an epidural and went on to breastfeed just fine, so I am sure it can be done. My opinion is that the most important thing about giving birth is to have a healthy mom and baby in the end. So please dont criticize yourself for using pain medication. I would strongly suggest you talk to your O.B/ Midwife and talk to them about the use of pictocin and an epidural (or the circumstance they will be used in) before hand, you can also ask that the baby be placed on your chest after birth (to do the newborn crawl ) so that you can feed him unless there is a medical emergency.
    Can you talk to a lactation consultant to see if you need a nipple shield? My understanding is that in a few mothers a nipple shield causes problems in milk production because of a lack of stimulation, so if you dont need to use one dont. If you read this forum you will see that many moms had a bad start to breast feeding in the hospital, but were able to make it work eventually. Newborn babies (and new mommies) have to learn how to work with each other, so it might be a bit frustrating in the beginning. Here are some links I found very useful, I was actually browsing them in the hospital after baby was born
    http://www.llli.org/faq/positioning.html
    http://kellymom.com/bf/normal/newborn-nursing/
    And this was very useful with my baby because his mouth was tiny : http://www.mother-2-mother.com/NippleSandwich.htm
    And I also found that if i waited till the baby was crying to feed him, he would be too pissed off to latch on! My strategy in the first couple of days was to offer as much as possible, because I was initially pretty bad at identifying his hunger cues. I also found my breastfeeding pillow very very useful

    I hope this was helpful. Best of luck!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Puyallup, WA
    Posts
    164

    Default Re: I Just Need A Little Support

    Congrats mama on your pregnancy. If you have a birth plan and don't want Pitocin or epidural that is your right as a human being. As for baby being with you I would suggest your hubby keep tabs on baby. My husband helped wash and watched their every move when my son was first born, while they stitched me up as well. As for any kind of testing, my husband escorted our son along with the nurses to every test, and walked him back to our room. Maybe we're over-protective, but the child is YOURS.

    I think you need to go with your gut and let you voice be heard. It's your pregnancy, your body, your child....so do what is right for you and baby!!! Hang in there it'll all work out
    Married to my superman 4-26-08
    Mommy to Landon 1-29-2010, who nursed for 4 years!
    Mommy to DD Sadie born May 2nd, 2014 and nursing like a champ!


    We all love and

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Northern Virginia
    Posts
    596

    Default Re: I Just Need A Little Support

    If you plan on going the hospital route again, there's a great book called Natural Hospital Birth:

    http://www.amazon.com/Natural-Hospit.../dp/1558327185

    It gives a lot of advice for navigating those waters. But I had a similar situation to yours, where I gave in to some interventions because after 2 days of contractions (no one told me labor could go on that long) and no sleep I really couldn't think for myself. But the interventions caused me problems (dangerous drop in blood pressure, baby in distress, epidural DIDN'T WORK at first and made everything more painful) so I at least have in my head, "Not going through that again," which I didn't have last time. I think having gone through it once, you'll be more prepared for the next time. But trying to find a doctor who truly supports natural childbirth (very tough, in my opinion!) or hiring a doula (some insurance will reimburse, I've been told) might help you out. I'm currently seeing nurse-midwives for this baby and plan to deliver at a new birthing center they have yet to open, but if things don't sound like they'll work out and I think a hospital birth is coming my way I plan to try the doula this time.

    If you live in an area that has a lot of options, you could consider midwives, but please be careful to do your research. I interviewed a really great midwife in my area for a possible home birth (may still consider that route, but not feeling it's for me). I think I would trust her fully. She's been doing it 20-some years and delivered all her grandkids! But then the next day a coworker's family member in another state had a terrible, dangerous midwife home birth that even to my untrained ears didn't sound right. They are not all equally qualified, so please be cautious. Same things with doctors, though -- not all equally qualified and some can put baby at risk, as well.
    Mom to my sweet little "Pooper," born 10/12/11, and "Baby Brother," born 6/23/2014, and married to heavy metal husband. Working more than full-time, making healthy vegetarian meals for family, and trying to keep up with exercise routine.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    21,266

    Default Re: I Just Need A Little Support

    My question is how can I take more control of that situation?
    1. Educate yourself about birth. I suggest reading the following books:
    - "Pushed" by Jennifer Block
    - "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" by Ina May Gaskin
    - "The Birth Partner" by Penny Simkin (your husband should read this one, too)
    If you're not big readers, the movie "The Business of Being Born" is a good one to watch. And make sure you take a childbirth education class, and NOT the one taught by the hospital. The hospital classes tend to focus on making you into a compliant patient, rather than an active participant in your own care. Your local Childbirth Education Association and Bradley Method instructors are good resources.

    2. Find the right caregiver, one who treats you as a partner in your own care, rather than expecting you to be a passive recipient. If you haven't looked into having your birth attended by a midwife, I suggest doing so now. Choosing a midwife as a caregiver doesn't mean that you need to give birth at home; many midwives practice in hospitals (look for CNMs, Certified Nurse-Midwives).

    3. Stay in shape. Birth is an athletic event, and the better shape you're in, the smoother things tend to go. If you haven't started a regular exercise program, this is a great time to start walking.

    4. Surround yourself with helpful people. Your birth partners should be prepared to support you, help you ask questions of your caregivers, give you massage, etc. They should not be there soley as spectators, nor should they push any intervention on you, no matter how much they don't like seeing you in pain. If your husband isn't good in this department, hire a doula. A doula is a professional labor support person. You can find one through DONA: http://www.dona.org

    5. Discuss your desires for childbirth with your caregiver. Make sure that person is on board with everything you want, and is willing to discuss the risks/benefits of interventions with you if they become necessary.

    Can I refuse the pictocin?
    It is your LEGAL RIGHT to refuse ANY medical intervention. If you do so, you may come under extreme pressure from your caregivers. Nevertheless, they remain legally bound to continue your treatment within the guidelines you have expressed.

    Can I demand they bring me my baby as soon as the stitches are done?
    If you and baby are both healthy and strong after birth, the baby should be delivered immediately onto your bare chest. All routine baby care (e.g. measuring and weighing the baby, putting ointment in his/her eyes, footprints, bath, hep. B injection, etc.) can be safely delayed for at least 1 hour after birth, giving you a chance to nurse and bond. Stitches- if they become necessary- can be performed while you are holding and nursing the baby. If someone tells you that you need to hand the baby off while the stitches are being done, the baby can be held right next to you by dad.

    Can I ask them to do all tests in my room?
    Yes, with the exception of tests- e.g. the newborn hearing screen- that need to be performed wherever the equipment is located. Those tests can generally be delayed for a day or so.

    Can I ignore them when they tell me I need to supplement?
    Yes, with the exception of a situation in which supplementation is medically necessary. If supplementation becomes necessary, you want to meet with the hospital pediatrician and lactation consultant, and discuss the following:
    - the medical explanation for the necessity of supplementing
    - appropriate amounts of supplement (these would be extremely small amounts)
    - supplementing with donor milk rather than formula
    - pumping in order to produce colostrum for supplements and to bring your milk in faster

    Will bringing a nipple shield and using that to help latch if my baby doesn't do so good on his own work? They didn't tell me any tricks to help with latching.
    Yes, if you have a baby who will not latch, a nipple shield may be helpful. However, it is best that nipple shields be used with guidance from a lactation consultant. Now is a great time to call the hospital where you plan to give birth and find out if they have a LC, preferably one who is an IBCLC, on staff. If you run into problems, you want to have professional hands-on help immediately available. Now is also a good time to find IBCLCs in your community, and make sure you have their numbers on hand. I would suggest giving them a call now, and making sure that they are available around the time your baby is due.

    Can I ask that my baby not be taken from the room at all?
    Yes. Your baby is YOUR baby, not the hospital's baby. The only exception to this rule would be in the case of a true medical emergency, in which the baby's health and safety would trump your rights as a parent.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    Salamanca, Spain
    Posts
    13

    Default Re: I Just Need A Little Support

    First of all, you are a mommy. You are THEIR mommy. If you think about that then maybe it will give you the strength you need to stand up for them when you need to, you are the only one who will do that.

    I remember that on my first doctor's visit the nurse mentioned giving my daughter a supplement because she had not gained enough weight. I said NO. They said to keep breastfeeding for a week and to come back for another weigh-in. She was fine by then. She is now 1.5 years old and still breastfeeds

    You have a mother's instict. Use it. If you think that your child needs a supplement, then you will ask for it. You will know when she needs it. If she is sick, weak, not gaining enough weight for real... If you think that she is fine and they are pushing you to add something that you dont want to add, then say NO.

    As you know, the second you introduce false milk you are puting your own supply at stake. You can only make what your baby nurses, and if you give him/her a bottle, then that is one bottle worth of milk that you will never make.

    If you want your baby right away after birth, make sure they know this before you give birth. Make a plan, talk to the hospital.. talk to your husband to stand up for what you wish because many times after/during childbirth you are too weak/preocupied to do so yourself.

    Yes you can ask for all that you say... you are in charge of those little babies, you know what is best... fight for that!

    Kim

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Posts
    11

    Default Re: I Just Need A Little Support

    Thank you all so much, I've been stressing about these things a lot. This pregnancy has been a little harder than the last and not just because of physical pain. My mother-in-law has been horrid through the whole thing and I can't get rid of her because she lives with her parents (whom I love as though they were my own grandparents my whole life). I will definitely look into those sites and research a lot more. I will look up specific reasons for supplementation. I will also let my partner know specific ways he can help me through everything. (His reason for not wanting to see me in so much pain is that I had an ectopic three years ago this February and almost died. He remembers how much pain I was in and the fact that he couldn't do anything about it.) Again, thank you all very very much.
    Looking into her eyes as I held after all the work, I knew an overwhelming love.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
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    miles from nowhere
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    11,107

    Default Re: I Just Need A Little Support

    I would strongly recommend hiring a doula. They are not allowed to make medical decisions for you, but they can help you prepare for your birth, understand your choices, and help provide physical and emotional support while you're in labor. She can help your husband support you as well. For me, the best part of having a doula at my second birth was having someone to talk through my concerns with during my pregnancy and feeling more confident to voice my feelings and opinions during labor. Just knowing that someone else was there who understood what I wanted and was willing and able to help me understand my options made me feel so much more confident going into the hospital.
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    5,753

    Default Re: I Just Need A Little Support

    I agree, if you can, hire a birth doula. If you cannot, empower your husband by telling them what you want & why. Educate him. Tell him you need his support and that YOU will know if you need an epidural etc. You have to consent to an epidural. It is not something you 'end up with' and it should never be forced on you by anyone. A birth plan lets your wishes be clear and known to all. It is not a set in stone thing, it can be changed-by you or as circumstances dictate.

    I would also suggest attending as many LLL meetings in your area NOW, before baby, as you can. This will not only allow you a place to talk out your past experience and your fears, but moms there may have tips about the particular hospital you are using. Also, it will also allow you to gt to know a local Leader or two in case you need to call someone for help after baby comes. Personally, as a Leader, I have talked to and even visited moms right in the hospital.

    I had three c-sections and breastfed all my babies. The first one was after traumatic labor & a four hour separtaion from my baby after birth as well. Even traumatic births do not need to mean the end of nursing. You are so smart to understand that you were set up to 'fail' by the way your child's birth & after care was handled. You also know the suggestions you got from the nurses and LC did not work for you. This is information you can use for this time. You have the power to turn anything around.

    I strongly suggest the book "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" 8th edition. it has an excellent chapter on birth and one on latching that will help i think.

    Oh and in case no one mentioned it, epidurals require a large-I mena huge- amount of fluid going into mom intraveniously so mom has severe edema often making latch very difficult. This is a temporary situation (up to several days) but that (aside from the side effects of the meds, difficulty to move, etc) is why epidurals can make nursing more difficult. Of course I agree, mothers can nurse after epidurals. But I think it helps to know what and why certain challenges occur.
    Last edited by @llli*lllmeg; November 25th, 2013 at 05:14 PM.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Posts
    11

    Default Re: I Just Need A Little Support

    Thank you very much. I did go buy that book It has been very helpful in easing my fears. Unfortunately, my husband won't let me leave the house too often because it hurts to walk so I can't go to any meetings though I would love to. I am planning on contacting the local leader as soon as her number goes up (my local group is very new and hasn't had any meetings yet). I have been discussing with my husband what I want, he just seems to be worried because I tore so badly last time (on the inside). He doesn't want me in pain or uncomfortable. He is fully on board with everything else I want though . He also knows I will need a lot of help in the hospital and in the first few weeks after the baby is born. (Now we just have to agree on whether or not this will be our last child. :S)
    Looking into her eyes as I held after all the work, I knew an overwhelming love.

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