Ok I think I am echoing mommal here. I got interrupted a few times while trying to reply so I am not going to reedit now.
I think you can probably rule out reflux & forceful letdown. Why? because it is unlikely these things would improve for a time and then get worse again. Its possible for a few reasons, but unlikely. So that is good news.
heres a thought. It does not matter. Fussiness is a normal part of life for a newborn, and fussiness when nursing is also normal, if for no other reason that an infant nurses so much, fussiness and nursing will normally coincide.I just wonder what's the reason of her fussiness recently.
Here is how you tell fussiness is a sign that something is probably really wrong-1)baby is visibly unhealthy (has a fever, whatever) 2)baby is not gaining weight normally 3) baby never calms down for any part of the day
As far as the nipple pulling, again, unless this is accompanied by some other symptom, I think it does not really matter why baby does this.
The flailing etc. sounds positional to me. By which I mean I wonder if changing your nursing positions ever helps? Standing, leaning back, sidelying, etc.
If my baby was too upset to nurse without agony for both of us, I would not nurse, comfort another way, and nurse later.
I don’t think you need to decide at this point whether you like breastfeeding or hate it, or like being a mother or hate it. We (society) tends to have an unfortunate idealization of motherhood which is seldom the reality. Breastfeeding is a normal part of new motherhood and there are lots of things to get used to in the new motherhood period. It sounds as if you are sick and exhausted and unshowered, and that never feels good. But except for the sick part, this is pretty par for the course in the first few months with a newborn. I suggest you try to stop finding fault with yourself for having a normal mothering experience with a normal baby. I would also suggest do not worry about tummy time, babies typically hate it and it’s possibly not in any way needed for a baby who is not spending hours flat on their back in a crib.