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Thread: I'm not ready to wean he isn't either

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
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    Default I'm not ready to wean he isn't either

    My LO is 13 months old and we nurse in the morning before work and on demand all evening/ 2 times at night. There is some family pressure to allow for a 2 night trip with the grandparents. Should I pump while he is gone? He takes cows milk and water through out the day. More than anything I'm afraid he'll come back and not want to nurse. I am so very not ready for this. It may be crazy I know the reason I'm upset is because we are not expecting anymore children and well that means my nursing life would be over. I know it's a transition and we've made it further than I did with my first but well...I'm not ready.

  2. #2
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    Jan 2012
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    Default Re: I'm not ready to wean he isn't either

    I haven't been away from my LO overnight, but lots of moms on here have for business and such, and their LO's haven't weaned. They can elaborate more. But, also, if you don't feel ready for your LO to be away from you overnight, then do you really feel like you have to cave to the pressure? My LO is 2 years, 1 month, and I wouldn't let anyone take her overnight. The only time she will probably be away from me overnight is when I give birth to her brother or sister (and I am already nervous about that). They might be upset with you, but you don't want to be upset, either! I also don't understand why grandparents want kids overnight. With my LO, they'd still be having to wake up with her at least once a night, if not more! My parents love their sleep. In fact, when they tried to get us to let her stay in their hotel room overnight when we were all away (and DH were going out to a concert), I said no because they S-N-O-R-E like a tornado and I was afraid they would wake up LO but then not hear her cries! Very likely scenario.
    Mom to my sweet little "Pooper," born 10/12/11, and "Baby Brother," born 6/23/2014, and married to heavy metal husband. Working more than full-time, making healthy vegetarian meals for family, and trying to keep up with exercise routine.

  3. #3
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    May 2006
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    Default Re: I'm not ready to wean he isn't either

    with the PP. 2 nights away probably wouldn't hasten weaning, though there is always a chance that it would. If you don't want to take that chance, or if you simply don't feel ready for your child to be separated from you for that long, there is no reason why you need to allow anyone else to push you into it.

    Who is the "family pressure" coming from? Grandma and grandpa? Or is it coming from within your marriage, perhaps your husband saying that if you would let baby go with granny and grandpa, you could have a bit of time to focus on being a couple, rather than on being mommy/daddy? If it's coming from grandma and grandpa, I would ignore it. They had their chance to raise their own kids, and they don't get to interfere in your children's child-raising experience just because they want to play mommy and daddy again. If it's coming from your husband, then maybe some outings a little closer to home are the answer, rather than a long separation. You can sell them as practice runs for the longer trip.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  4. #4
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    Default Re: I'm not ready to wean he isn't either

    I agree with PPs about not going on the trip if you don't have to/aren't ready for it. If you do end up going, I'm one of the mamas filmmommy mentioned who has traveled for work. Actually one of my trips was when my LO was 13 months. What has worked for me is to pump morning and night but moms vary a lot in what they need - you may need more, you may need less - I think you should definitely be prepared to pump, and then do it according to comfort. As for baby weaning due to the separation, that has not happened to me (and by now I've accumulated quite a few trips over three kids!) - in fact baby has always been really eager to nurse on my return. It sounds like you are very proactive about nurturing your breastfeeding relationship with your LO, I think that is the key. And LLLMeg pointed out in a similar thread that if for some reason baby doesn't want to nurse when you get back, that is not weaning - it is a strike. So you treat it as a strike, ie work on getting baby back to breast - rather than treating it as the end.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
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    Default Re: I'm not ready to wean he isn't either

    I'm shaking my head at your in-laws. I don't understand why grandparents would think it's appropriate to take a nursing 1-year-old away for a trip without his parents. Are you specifically not invited? That to me is odd--what are they trying to do with your child that they think they can't do when you're around? They're also being disrespectful of your child's very real (and important!) psychological and biological need to be with you. To me, the request would be a red flag that they're planning something you consider unacceptable.

    In your place, I would say no flat out. You only stand to lose from their suggestion. More likely than not, your LO will spend at least some of the time upset. Knowingly inflicting suffering on a young child isn't, in my books, what a loving grandparent does. Why not have everyone go on a trip together as a family? The grandparents and your child benefit from each other's company, and your child is more likely to feel secure (and not hungry) with mama around. Win-win.

    Love mommal's phrasing "play mommy and daddy". That's it in a nutshell.
    Last edited by @llli*alphawoman; November 22nd, 2013 at 05:58 PM. Reason: Your =/= tour

  6. #6
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    Default Re: I'm not ready to wean he isn't either

    My MIL used to insist that DD should sleep over at her house, that her friends' grandkids were all doing it by X months old, etc. For my wedding anniversary, when DD was 11.5 months old, we came very close to doing it. At the first, the thought of some extra sleep was enticing. I was counting and planning how much I'd have to pump, and...I just didn't want to do it. It didn't sit well with me. I pictured DD crying for me in the night or, even if she sttn, waking up to people who, although they love her, are not me!

    I backed out quite close to the last minute. I had my DH tell them I wasn't ready to do it. Because at the end of the day, advocatimg for my DD is much more important to me than the feelings of any grown up. I decided that she can sleep over when she knows what it means and shows an interest. That day will come (she adores them) but it's not now. I feel very good about my choice and my in-laws accept it respectfully, even if they probably disagree with it.
    Mama to a sweet kitty born July 2012.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: I'm not ready to wean he isn't either

    I have 3 girls. 5, 3 and 22 months. In September when DD3 was 20 months, I went away on my first business trip for 3 nights. Other than giving birth to their siblings, I had never been away from them. They were home with Daddy and they did great. I didn't pump (I had been nursing for almost 5 years at that point with a few months off during the later stages of pregnancy). I did fine. DD3 did fine. She nursed like a champ when I got home and we still nurse now as much as we did. She really didn't miss a beat.

    As for outside pressures to "get away", only YOU can decide if you want to "get away" or not. I know for me, I didn't want to. There was no point because I would have been worried the entire time about my girls. Not exactly a "break" if you're not enjoying it. While THEY may have needed "a break" or to "get away", that doesn't mean you do. Some Mom's are happy to be with their babies every day. Only they can decide what they do and don't need.

    If people were really interested in YOU and YOUR BABY, they'd be ASKING you what you felt you needed. Maybe you just want an afternoon to go get your hair done. Maybe you'd like someone else to get up with the baby in the morning so you can sleep in. Maybe you just want a visit with a good cup of coffee and conversation!

    None of my girls have spent a night away from home other than DD1. That was only because I was giving birth to DD2 and we had no choice. We've had occasional pressure from MIL to let them sleep over (before and after weaning). However the girls have never shown any interest in it. There's a moment they are when MIL says it directly to them but I'm waiting for them to ask / show interest on their own.

    Not wanting to leave a visit when they're having fun isn't interest in sleeping over IMHO. DD1 and DD2 will still frequently wake in the middle of the night and crawl in with DH (I'm behind a gate sleeping with DD3). They'll get there in their own time. Until then, family members will just have to wait.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  8. #8
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    Jun 2009
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    Default Re: I'm not ready to wean he isn't either

    You are not ready and your baby is not ready. Trips & overnights with grandma and grandpa can be great fun-for older kids. A 13 month old is not going to enjoy an overnight trip away from mom. The grandparents are not going to enjoy being up all night with a scared and miserable baby. You are the parent. NO to overnights! Who is pressuring you and why?????

    I would not worry too much about baby weaning, unless baby is on that track already, and it sounds as if baby loves nursing. BUT the trauma of being away from you and unable to nurse for two days may have unpredictable results. Yes, if it comes to that, pump at least a few times when baby is gone. If, when baby returns, baby refuses to nurse, treat it like the nursing strike it would be, due to the trauma of separation, and not natural weaning.
    Last edited by @llli*lllmeg; November 23rd, 2013 at 01:07 PM.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: I'm not ready to wean he isn't either

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*amysmom View Post
    If people were really interested in YOU and YOUR BABY, they'd be ASKING you what you felt you needed. Maybe you just want an afternoon to go get your hair done. Maybe you'd like someone else to get up with the baby in the morning so you can sleep in. Maybe you just want a visit with a good cup of coffee and conversation!
    This is a very good point. It sounds like no-one is asking what YOU need/want, just pushing what THEY want or what THEY think you might enjoy. It's very reasonable to respond to them with something along the lines of "You know what? I'm just not interested in a night away from my baby. But I could really use a baby-free date night with my husband/a chance to sleep in on a Sunday morning/a shopping expedition/whatever." That way the focus shifts from what they want to what you need.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
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    Salamanca, Spain
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    13

    Default Re: I'm not ready to wean he isn't either

    You sound a lot like me. I agree with other users that if you are not ready than he is probably not ready. Also, if you are anything like me the idea of 2 nights away from you is probably unbearable.

    My only word of advice would be to be really careful about not letting your supply dwindle too low. I started reducing feedings with no intention of fully weaning when at 15 months old my daughter started rejected me - nursing strike due to low supply I think. I closet pumped whenever I could and did everything I could to not let my supply completely disappear... I finally got her back to me over a month later, after lots of persistance.

    What I want to say is, don't cave to social pressure because then you will be doing a tale spin trying to get her/him back to you like I was .

    Cheers,
    Kim

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