Waiting for Baby to self-feed..need advice

[@llli*filmmommy]

Sorry, since the thread has veered into sleeping and doctor advice --

It's funny -- I sleep with my LO a portion of the night (she starts out in her big-girl bed) and the biggest problem I see with it is that she kicks me, hits me, head-butts me, etc., while sleeping. She head-butted me in the nose in her sleep the other night. Now that I'm pregnant, I have to sleep with a pillow in front of me (when I remember) because she kicks me in the stomach. Somehow she kicks me in the head, even when her head is on the pillow next to mine. It makes me laugh that doctors are so against it for the kids' sake as they get older -- I'm the one being abused, and she's perfectly comfy and happy! Not ready to give it up yet, though, because the benefits outweigh the pain.

[@llli*mercystreet]

Your doc sounds a bit old-school. Some of them are just like that -- as if babies are all manufactured to the same specifications, and if yours is doing something differently or out of order, clearly you're just not following the instruction manual. :P

I started out with a pedi like that. She was older (25 yrs in practice) which I saw as an asset at first (all that experience!) but it turns out her attitudes around sleep (how baby goes to sleep and where baby sleeps), formula supplementation, solids, etc. were all incredibly UN-friendly to breastfeeding. It was around the 4-6 month range when she gave me some line about how the "window of opportunity" for such and such was going to "close at 9 months" if I didn't get with the program she was recommending; I freaked out and came to these forums in tears, and the lovely ladies here talked me down and assured me my baby was 100% normal and we weren't doing anything wrong and my doctor's doomsday predictions were rubbish. Then we switched pediatricians - another doc in the same practice - who is much more understanding and accommodating of different approaches, and I couldn't be happier!

Any doctor can parrot "breast is best." But you can tell if they are truly BF friendly by their attitude towards sleep, solids, and supplementation, IMO. Keep following your instincts mama, they won't lead you wrong.

Oh, and on the solids front: Baby led solids is great. We fell into it by accident, not by design, because like Mommal's child, mine absolutely refused to be spoon fed! But I would do it again in a heartbeat. It's way less work than purees. And I am lazy (well maybe not lazy but just really really tired) so anything that makes my daily routine easier is a plus. And for what it's worth, my son didn't eat even a morsel of solids until about 12 months -- he was EBF for that long :/ He was pretty adamantly NOT interested up to that point, but I just kept offering (in the manner that Mommal described -- let him play with the food on his own) ... and oh yeah, I was anxious about it, and came here for reassurance frequently! Then he just suddenly went for it on his own, when he was ready, and he went from 0 to 60 with it (although that's kind of his MO). Now at 18 mos he is an awesome eater! He eats everything we eat, loves all kinds of textures and flavors (even spicy stuff), and enthusiastically tries everything. It's great to watch them drive the process and develop their own healthy relationship to food.

Here's a few resources on BLS:
www.rapleyweaning.com
www.babyledweaning.com

[@llli*sassypants]

We did baby lead weaning/solids, and I did plan that from day one. I bought the book by Gill Rapley and read the entire thing. I understand the Baby Led Weaning cookbook is also very good, giving a good overview of the method and providing safe recipes for babies. Unfortunately, DS has always been a picky eater, which was something I was trying to avoid with the BLW thing, and he is getting picker by the day. It is a method that is touted as a way to create "adventurous eaters", but, alas, it does not always work out that way.

My pediatrician was not familiar with BLW, but was not opposed when I brought it up. When she brought up solids she stated that most people start with rice cereal, but it was really just a teaching tool and had no nutritional benefit, so she was perfectly happy that we skipped it. The only thing she asked was that I offer DS solids at least once before his 6 month check up, just to see what he did, because she was curious.

We moved a while back and had to find a new pediatrician, and if you do decide to look for a new one I would suggest looking at patient reviews on a website like Health Grades. When searching for our current pediatrician I found he had glowing recommendations on Health Grades, then I saw one commenter said he was responsive to her desire for alternative vaccination scheduling. Even though I don't do alternative vax scheduling, it was in indicator for me that he might be open to other "alternative" parenting that we practice, like baby led weaning, elimination communication, co-sleeping, and extended breastfeeding. We also saw on that website that he is associated with a nearby certified "baby friendly" hospital, which are very BFing focused. We learned a lot about the doctor without even setting foot in the practice and may have saved us some work of having to do extensive shopping around.

[@llli*noahandme]

My pedi is very young and BF her own son, so I was surprised when she so adamantly pushed the solids. Luckily when I saw her this past Friday and explained to her (once again) that we were going to give our son the chance to decide when he would start eating solids, she was less pushy and said that as long as we at least give him the opportunity to experiment with them himself before his 9 month check-up (which we planned to do anyway) she wouldn't bother us about it anymore.

I'm also just way too tired to try to force food down an unwilling throat when I have a thousand other things to do in a day, so I'm glad to hear that it's completely possible to use the BLS approach and that it worked for you! Hopefully it'll work for us too, and I assume it will because at some point I figure every child will want to eat solids. Mine is already super curious about what my fiance and I eat.

[@llli*noahandme]

I've never heard of Health Grades but I'll check it out! Even though my pedi and I struck up an agreement on the solids thing finally, I can tell from the struggles we've already had with her that this won't be the end of it. My only difficulty with finding a new pedi is that my son has a Medical Card and our options are limited as to who he can see. If I'm lucky, the pedi I wanted all along will get an opening soon (she's never taking new patients because she's really popular). I call all the time so maybe one of these days I'll get in!

[@llli*mommal]

When you have an issue that's so contentious between mom and pediatrician that you feel like it's making the visits stressful and unproductive, then I advocate switching pediatricians. For me, personally, solids aren't that issue. I want my pediatrician to be a good diagnostician- to be able to figure out when my kids have ear infections, or strep throat, or some other problem. That's more important to me than what she thinks about co-sleeping or sleep training or solids. Those are more parenting issues than medical ones- and I don't need medical advice on parenting issues.

[@llli*filmmommy]

I like our pediatrician okay -- don't love him or the practice overall. But it's 5 minutes from our house and has Saturday hours and 24-hour on-call doctors so we figure they were a good option for urgent situations. But I actually just evade or even lie to our pediatrician if it's something not medically relevant and I know he wants a specific answer. He seemed to be unconcerned about how/when we started solids. But he kept bugging us about our LO not sleeping "correctly" -- in his mind 10-12 hours a night without waking. He told us to let her cry it out at her 2-month checkup! I was honest for a while, but after about the 4th discussion, and he said, "How is she sleeping?" I said, "Good." And he said, "Through the night?" And I said, "Sure." I made sure it was obvious I was just telling him what he wanted to hear! I'm not saying lie about important things, but if you don't want their advice on something that won't affect them medically (or you'd know if it did) you can just give a, "Sure, whatever you say" answer to make your life easier. I am an overly honest person so it took me a long time to get the hang of this -- but I had a boss who made that approach necessary for many years.

[@llli*noahandme]

I completely agree; I don't see her for help parenting, I see her to keep my baby healthy. If I want her advice on things like when and what to feed my son, I feel like I should be able to just ask her. Otherwise, I don't think it's really in her field of practice to tell me what to do with regards to issues like that. We've been sticking with her because the nurses are so so sweet and they always remember us and treat us practically like family; I wish we could take them with us to a new pediatrician!

[@llli*noahandme]

That does sound like a really convenient pediatrician; it's too bad the doctor doesn't know anything about babies sleeping lol. Even my young friends who don't have babies know that a 2 month old shouldn't have to cry herself to sleep and even 4 months old rarely sleep through the night! My six month old is just now getting down to waking once a night, and still sometimes wakes up twice. I remember my pediatrician telling me when my son was a newborn not to worry - he'd be sleeping through the night in a few months. I was very disappointed when those few months came and went and he was still waking up during the night. Considering how much education it takes to become a doctor, you would think they'd know a little more about things like that.

[@llli*sassypants]

I have to disagree with simply ignoring a pediatrician's "bad" parenting advice. Parents like you and I know enough to ignore it, but other parents may not, and they will take that advice as absolutes, because the doctor is in a place of authority. This could damage some parent/child relationships and cause unnecessary stress for everyone involved. If my pediatrician was insistent on giving what I consider bad parenting advice I would leave.

There are only so many ways we can speak our voice in terms of goods and services, and that is with our money and our patronage. I would not continue to patronize a pediatrician that I had major disagreements with, even if that disagreement isn't directly about diagnosing illness.