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Thread: Pressure to wean from hubby

  1. #11

    Default Re: Pressure to wean from hubby

    Also is it possible the four year old is wakign your baby? Or four in the bed is just harming everyone's sleep? When we had two little ones at the same time, the older one (at that point 3.5 or so) kept waking his baby brother up. So we transitioned our older child into his own room for naps and nighttime (or at least the first half of the night) at that point. And he was still nursing and continued to nurse.

    FWIW here is my favorite short article on toddler nursing http://www.breastfeedinginc.ca/conte...agename=doc-BT
    Last edited by @llli*lllmeg; October 17th, 2013 at 12:29 PM.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Nashville, TN
    Posts
    511

    Default Re: Pressure to wean from hubby

    IMO this would be a helpful book. Pretty much for any married couple.
    How to argue so your spouse will listen. 6 principles for turning arguments into conversations.
    http://www.amazon.com/Argue-Your-Spo.../dp/0849918685
    1st time mom over 40 to Alex(andra) b: 7/14/12

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    48

    Default Re: Pressure to wean from hubby

    You know, I don't understand how men think. My DH was also convinced that night weaning would help him get more sleep. I am not sure how he came to this decision since I was handling all of DS's night wakings, except for the random nights when DS would cry for no apparent reason for hours on end.

    So I waited until I was ready to night wean, DS was healthy, and DS was not teething. And then I put DH to work. Because it makes the most sense to me to have DH handle the night wakings if DS isn't going to nurse because DS is well aware that he can't nurse on Daddy. And DH's sleep went out the window. And not only was he not sleeping at night, he was dealing with a hysterical baby that wanted nothing to do with him. He tried to get a note from his doctor to get himself excused from helping at night! But now we are about 4 weeks in, and DH handles the 1st waking, and I handle the subsequent ones, usually 1-2. And I think DS's sleep is slightly better. 2-3 wakings is better than 4.

    So I used DH's enthusiasm for night weaning to my advantage, and I am getting more sleep now. In my case DS was 18 months old, and we were not co-sleeping.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    110

    Default Re: Pressure to wean from hubby

    Thank you, everyone! Great ideas and suggestions and things to think about.

    I did remind my husband that night-weaning doesn't equal sleeping-through-the-night, but it didn't make a difference. He is probably MOSTLY worried about sleep, but not entirely - some of the issue is that he feels that our child being, as he put it, "unable to be made happy by anyone else and addicted to breastmilk" makes his life more difficult at the times when he has to look after her.

    To be honest, I am kind of ready to try cutting down on night-time feedings, even if not night-weaning totally. So we are trying a new plan tonight (wish us luck!) - the girls are now asleep together in the king in one room, and my husband and I are going to sleep in the queen in the other room. I will be going in to nurse baby once between 10 and 1, once between 1 and 4, and once between 4 and her wake-up time (usually 7-7:30). After one nursing in each time period, my husband will go to her to help her get back to sleep if she wakes again.

    It could be a crazy night (or number of nights) ... but I am hoping it will help her get into the habit of sleeping longer stretches if she realizes there will be no nursing every 30 minutes (? here's hoping, anyway!).

    Someone is stirring - got to go! Thanks again!

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    2,207

    Default Re: Pressure to wean from hubby

    Good luck, let us know how it works out!

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,476

    Default Re: Pressure to wean from hubby

    I have 3 girls, 40 months apart. So I've been pregnant / nursing / nursing & pregnant for over 5 years now.

    I sleep with the baby in the other room (now 20 months). It's easier and safer for us (she's an active little sleeper). As well, DH works shift work so his ever-changing sleep / wake up times would disturb us! Sometimes I'll sleep in "our" room and when I hear her fuss I'll go back. In general, I find it's just easier to stay with her. With her rampant teething I couldn't imagine giving up my 'super-power' of nursing to help her settle and feel better. What on earth would I replace it with?!?

    When they were little, yes, I needed to nurse them to sleep. As they got older (over a year) either DH or I could get them to sleep. The "I can't get them to sleep because I can't nurse them" is a big cop-out. It's difficult to get a baby down to sleep at times. Period. Baby knows that they get milk from Momma and they're well aware that they don't from Dad. Baby may be looking for YOU, but they aren't looking to Dad for milk. The one rule that seems to be pretty universal is that Daddy can't get them to sleep when Mom is in sight (or within earshot). So if he's upstairs getting her to sleep, I'm downstairs and quiet. If I'm around, it completely sabotages his efforts.

    That being said, he needs to take on some bedtimes so that he can create his own methods of getting babe down to sleep. It isn't going to magically happen on it's own. It's not going to magically happen because you wean. He's got to work at it. With our first, DH had to rock her to sleep. With DD2, he sat beside her, humming. With DD3 he has a little chat with her, lays her down, says his good nights and leaves. If she fusses, he goes back, says some soothing words, sets her blankie beside her and says good night. 3 different little girls. 3 different ways for him to get them to sleep. But he wouldn't have discovered those ways without trying!

    Whenever DH and I have butted heads on parenting, I've concentrated on what it is that he thinks it will achieve by doing things his way. Especially if it's something that I'm against. Once I find out what it is that he wants, I try to come up with alternative methods to achieve that goal, by methods that I can live with and we can both agree on.

    We've had lengthy discussions about how we're different parents than we thought we would have been. If you had asked us about breast feeding, co-sleeping, baby-led solids, etc. before we had kids, we would have probably scrunched our noses. But now, with 20/20 hindsight - we're proud of the way we've worked through things together. We're proud of the parents we've become, as a team.

    All of that being said, talk to him about it when emotions aren't running high. That way you can actually discuss it rather than argue about it. Best of luck!
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

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