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Thread: nearing the end of her (wife's) sleepless rope...

  1. #11
    Join Date
    May 2013

    Default Re: nearing the end of her (wife's) sleepless rope...

    Maybe this graph will help. It shows how bfing is a lot of effort in the beginning but gets better over time, whereas bottles always take more effort. (Excuse the lack of eloquence)


  2. #12
    Join Date
    Sep 2013

    Default Re: nearing the end of her (wife's) sleepless rope...

    We have a 2 month old too, and he is eating all the time too . I have found that hiding the clocks in the house helped me, it might sound weird but looking at the clock thinking "its 1 now, now its 2" really stressed me out. Once the clocks were gone and I could not quantify the amount of sleep I was not getting, I felt much better . And like all moms here I would highly recommend co-sleeping. I have also started early morning walks, because me and baby are up anyway and its nice to meet other people who are not asleep (its mostly grandpas and grandmas who like to coo over babys fat cheeks ).

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Jun 2012

    Default Re: nearing the end of her (wife's) sleepless rope...

    I will just add my support to PPs.

    1. Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed with something (like constant nursing, baby won't go to sleep, or whatever) it's not so much that this really is so overwhelming but that I feel it is a non-job, and should not take time, and I should not be over-whelmed by it. Does that make sense? From my non-baby life (career in science) I am used to doing my best work, getting feedback, feeling accomplishments. It's harder to see the accomplishments with a baby because you feel like you've done all this work and the house is a mess and the baby is crying again! So it makes me feel great if my husband or anyone else expresses appreciation like "wow, you're doing such a great job with her, look how well she's doing" or "you're beautiful" when I haven't brushed my hair in a week. etc. I agree that Mommal's advice sounds kind of sappy but I would love for my husband to say that stuff to me. I would also love for my husband to ask me how I feel, how my day is going, what I need, and then do it. It sounds like you are helping your wife a lot.

    2. I have written about co-sleeping on other threads but I will summarize my opinion again. I co-slept with baby, without DH, from 3 weeks. I immediately started to get lots of sleep, of course not all at once, but in lots of small snatches, so that I felt well-rested. DH also was well-rested as he was sleeping in another room and never woke at all. Everyone got SO MUCH MORE sleep. I didn't figure out side-lying nursing until 2 mo, and that helps sleep even more. I do not know how many times I wake during night or naps to nurse baby. I do not fully awake. This is so much better than getting out of bed!!!!

    As regards concerns about safety. I read the primary literature on co-sleeping safety (studies of babies that died and did not die in co-sleeping and non-co-sleeping situations). Although I study a completely different subject, I have a pretty good understanding of statistics and did not find any evidence that I would increase my daughters risk of mortality by sleeping in the bed with her. Yes, the risk goes up if the baby is sleeping on a couch, or with an adult who is drunk or using drugs. I could find no evidence that risk of infant mortality increased when baby slept with mother in a bed. I imagine that governments issue blanket recommendations not to sleep with babies because a) they didn't understand the statistics, or b) it is easier to issue a blanket recommendation to everyone than to specifically target the drug users, sofa-sleepers, etc.

    I suggest if YOU are receptive to your wife co-sleeping with baby, you might be able to help her master side-lying nursing by appropriately placing pillows, and then just let her drift off to sleep in the bed with baby for a nap this weekend, saying that you will watch them to make sure baby is ok. When baby wakes she can just pop a nipple in and drift back to sleep. At least, this has been my experience. Even if she can't do the side-lying, she could nurse in bed with pillows behind her back, and lay baby down beside her to sleep. Nursing makes me really sleepy so it helps me get back to sleep myself. Good luck!

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Feb 2010

    Default Re: nearing the end of her (wife's) sleepless rope...

    I'm going to second the watch your wife nap with baby advice. That was how we survived the newborn phase with my first. I was frightened to cosleep, but could nap like that with DH sitting with us.

  5. #15

    Default Re: nearing the end of her (wife's) sleepless rope...

    There has been a lot of support and advice in these responses, and although I wasn't looking for as much of the kind of advice that I'm reading, it has honestly been very helpful.
    I pride myself on being a supportive husband, aiming well beyond what traditional gender roles consider spousal support. Whether it's one of the cars or some plumbing that needs to be fixed, or a new recipe or a torn shirt or sweater and I've got to break out the Singer, or don the apron, I'm all over it; but I have to admit that I could certainly stand to tell her how amazing, fantastic and beautiful she is more often.
    Based on the accounts and many articles, I do believe that co-sleeping would bring us both more sleep. We've drawn a line in the sand about the co-sleeping, and we just aren't looking in that direction, but I believe that you're all correct, it would provide some relief without getting off the breast-feeding train. I'm not totally against co-sleeping, but I'm not FOR it either. My Wife is MORE anti-co-sleep than I am, and I'll wait until she says "maybe" on her own before I lean on the issue.
    I recall seeing two or three posts about a growth spurt, and that was one of our theories as well -my wife was already familiar with the 3,6,and 12 week expectation (i was not). We aren't sure yet whether that's the case or not. His sleep pattern is creeping back to its prior norm of two three-to-four hour stretches at night, but it involves every trick we've got. happiest baby on the block has been an amazing tool, although we do have a fairly easy child.
    Thanks again to all, please pardon my lack of presence, I'm on duty!

  6. #16
    Join Date
    May 2006

    Default Re: nearing the end of her (wife's) sleepless rope...

    No worries for "lack of presence", dad. You have a newborn, and you need to be present at home a lot more than online!

    If you're looking for a good, breastfeeding-friendly read on sleep, I suggest taking a look at Elizabeth Pantley's book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution".

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Northern Virginia

    Default Re: nearing the end of her (wife's) sleepless rope...

    I've been very impressed with your posts, function09. My DH was, too, trying to be a supportive BFing dad. But we were in over our heads. I just want to chime in on the "mental" aspects because it's not frequently discussed before you have a baby -- this is one area where career advancement, graduate degrees, a sense of logic, reading every book I could find before pregnancy, taking a breastfeeding class, etc. could prepare me for what nursing was really like. I'm a mid-30s mom and thought I was prepared! But the "baby blues" kicked in after a lot of trouble getting a start to breastfeeding, and I felt constantly like I was failing. Baby was gaining, everything was okay, but it just felt like I was terrible at it because baby was always crying. I knew babies cried, but I guess I didn't know there were sometimes no breaks!

    The class and books and meeting with hospital LC made me feel like breastfeeding just happened and all would come easily. The class and hospital LC both said, "Babies eat every 2 hours." So when my LO wanted to eat 45 minutes of every hour during the day, plus sometimes 2 hours in a row, I felt like something was wrong. No one was around to tell me that was okay. I am kind of anti-internet, so it took me a long time to join this forum! So at least you're doing well with that.

    Also, co-sleeping does not have to mean baby in bed with you. We had a co-sleeper that sat in our bed. Some people have some that attach to the bed. Some people just move the crib into their bedroom. There are options beyond baby in bed with you that might help if your wife is against it. This forum is a great place for advice and support, but you guys ultimately have to figure out what works for you and your family.
    Mom to my sweet little "Pooper," born 10/12/11, and "Baby Brother," born 6/23/2014, and married to heavy metal husband. Working more than full-time, making healthy vegetarian meals for family, and trying to keep up with exercise routine.

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