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Thread: I need sleep

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
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    Default I need sleep

    I've seen women come on here and say that their baby is "sucking to soothe" and that they're being used as a pacifier and my question was always: "How do they do it?" and "Do they not sleep?"

    I am SO happy my baby was able to learn how to latch after a month of EPing... but now he can't be without a nipple in his mouth and I am so exhausted I'm on the verge of passing out and being toted to the hospital.

    We can do the side laying position fairly well, but I am a DDD and if I don't hold my breast out of his airway he smothers. So that's out because I'm so tired I pass out and have woke up in a panic twice now. Luckily he had moved away from me.

    Also, I've gotten grief over sleeping with him from two peds now and after a lot of googling I'm TERRIFIED of SIDS and that I'm going to kill him by bedsharing, even though I'm doing everything right in that regard. I've read all the stuff by McKenna and Sears etc, but I'm still just petrified.

    I'm becoming a neurotic mess and I need sleep.

    My husband is no better off and the baby has suddely demanded me all the time, the breast all of the time, and he once absolutely adored his daddy and now wants nothing to do with him so I can't even rest while daddy holds him.

    ANy suggestions would be so appreciated...

  2. #2
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    Default Re: I need sleep

    How old is he exactly? It's fine to introduce a paci at the 4-6 week point after latch has been learned. And you are sure there will be no nipple confusion or preference.

    Way too lazy for formula

  3. #3
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    Default Re: I need sleep

    Have you read "The no cry sleep solution" By Elizabeth Pantley? She has some good ideas.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: I need sleep

    There's a lot of conflation of the primary bedsharing danger, which is suffocation, and SIDS. SIDS is not suffocation, and studies have found that co-sleeping actually decreases the SIDS risk- a mom who is co-sleeping tends to have pretty sensitive baby radar, and she will wake up if she senses that something isn't right with her baby.

    Would it be possible for you to purchase a co-sleeper crib? That way baby would be right next to you but not sharing the same sleep surface. Ad have you gone over those safe co-sleeping checklists?

    Definitely read the Pantley book. It's a realistic look at infant sleep, and it's written with co-sleeping very much in mind.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  5. #5
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    Jul 2013
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    Default Re: I need sleep

    I love my co-sleeper that attaches to the bed. I can lay on my side and let her suck on my finger until she drifts off. Then I just gently slip my finger out and go to sleep to.

    Also, if I'm really needing sleep, I feed her side-lying. When she falls asleep and unlatches (or I unmatched her), I just slide my body away from her face. I always keep her feet touching my legs, though, to keep her from rolling over and so that I can feel her moving. Don't know if your LO is too sensitive for either of these options, but they've both certainly provided me with more sleep the last couple weeks.

  6. #6
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    Jun 2013
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    Default Re: I need sleep

    We actually have an arms-reach cosleeper. He's slept in it maybe twice. I bedshared with my daughter until she was about 3 because she had reflux, originally- so I held her upright all night. Didn't get much sleep. I'm a very light sleeper. And now this one simply refuses to sleep without being ON me too. And now that he's breastfeeding like a champ he's really excited about his newfound skill and wants to do it all of the time! So again, me with the chronically light sleep and taking over a hour to fall asleep anyway... I'm really just on the edge.

    I know you need sleep to help keep your supply up so I just sort of gave in to the bedsharing. I love it, but I'd like to have him sleep in his cosleeper as well, just so I can get some space. My husband has been sleeping on a futon just so we can safely sleep together and we miss each other!

    But besides that, is there anything WRONG with eventually pulling the nipple out when he's obviously just sucking in his sleep? He's six weeks tomorrow, so I'm fairly certain this is a growth spurt... and I'm totally ready to feed nearly constantly, but for the last two days he's been attached to me and I've barely been able to go to the bathroom let alone eat or do anything I need to do.

    I'll check out that book, thanks. I REALLY want him to sleep in his cosleeper. I just don't want to make him cry and be miserable to do it. The lip on the cosleeper makes us feel like we're miles apart. I don't think he even registers that I'm next to him because he can't see over it.

    OH, and he has had a pacifier since birth. He just refuses it now. He also seems to have no idea what to do with a bottle nipple now, which we learned the hard way by defrosting two bags of milk and having them go to waste. He does't even take the Calma now.
    Last edited by @llli*apifera; July 30th, 2013 at 07:14 AM.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: I need sleep

    OK. I don't know if any of this will help, but I am also a light sleeper who has trouble falling asleep, and who has had a baby who needs to sleep ON someone since birth.

    The single best thing that helped me fall asleep and stay asleep was to quit clock watching. Period. If you need to know what time it is to wake baby for a feeding, make that daddy's job, since baby is sleeping with you anyway. And tell yourself that just getting rest, even if you can't sleep, is okay. It took me weeks to stop thinking so much about how many hours I was and was not sleeping, but once I stopped thinking so much about it, falling asleep got easier.

    Now, I was never able to successfully deploy any of the "tricks" to unlatch baby, put baby down in a co-sleeper, etc. But there were times in the newborn period where my baby would sleep on my husband, and I went and tried to sleep every time that happened. It wasn't very often, but it happened occasionally. And when baby was calm, awake, and not feeding (usually at 2 am, ha!), Dad took over. I was not truly comfortable bedsharing until about 6 weeks in, but it was the ONLY thing that eventually helped me out. Mommal is right about the peds confusing SIDS and suffocation risks, though--they are not the same thing. If you are bed sharing safely, the risks are quite low. The truth is, there is risk involved with crib-sleeping, riding in the car, anything really has SOME inherent risk of SOMETHING--the key is just to do whatever you can to minimize those risks.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: I need sleep

    Sonogirl: I don't feed him on a schedule. I pretty much feed him all the time. If he doesn't have a nipple in his mouth he's fussing or crying. Before this, I fed him when he seemed hungry. Which according to our ped and the LC was too often. Well they'd have a field day with me now!

    That's a good suggestion though. I do tend to sit and think about how much sleep I'm NOT getting. I've learned a lot this month... it's pretty crazy how much sleep a person can miss and survive.

    Re bedsharing risk: I thought that they were mixing the two together. I've read all the safe bedsharing guidelines and follow them to a T. Also, baby has pretty decent head control already... he moves when something is in his face and I don't move at all when I sleep. I'm very aware of where he is. But we do have a queen size bed and I really would like it if he at least slept in his cosleeper for the first part of the night.

    I wonder if I'm doing the side lying position wrong or if my breasts are just too big for it at this point and if I should retry when he's older. He certainly seems to love it and won't fall asleep unless I give the nipple back to him several times a night.

  9. #9
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    Jan 2012
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    Default Re: I need sleep

    At some point, maybe around 2 months or so, may LO started rejecting her paci. I tried a different kind (the more orthodontic-friendly ones) and she took to one brand and one brand only. So it may be worth trying a different kind just to see if it works. It's a minor investment if not! As hard as it will be to wean the paci one day, it has really helped us out in a lot of situations and has given her comfort at times when we can't (like during her shots).
    Mom to my sweet little "Pooper," born 10/12/11, and "Baby Brother," born 6/23/2014, and married to heavy metal husband. Working more than full-time, making healthy vegetarian meals for family, and trying to keep up with exercise routine.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: I need sleep

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*apifera View Post
    Sonogirl: I don't feed him on a schedule. I pretty much feed him all the time. If he doesn't have a nipple in his mouth he's fussing or crying. Before this, I fed him when he seemed hungry. Which according to our ped and the LC was too often. Well they'd have a field day with me now!

    That's a good suggestion though. I do tend to sit and think about how much sleep I'm NOT getting. I've learned a lot this month... it's pretty crazy how much sleep a person can miss and survive. 

    I wonder if I'm doing the side lying position wrong or if my breasts are just too big for it at this point and if I should retry when he's older. He certainly seems to love it and won't fall asleep unless I give the nipple back to him several times a night.
    I figured you were cue feeding, I just wasn't sure if baby ever actually slept too long and through feedings. I'd guess not, based on your current sleep situation! My baby never, ever did that, but I always had my husband checking in the early weeks just in case.

    So, I also had a lot of trouble figuring out side lying in the early weeks. It didn't click for me until baby was about 6 weeks old. I had to practice for weeks before I got it. It really helped to practice during the day, or any time I wasn't so tired I couldn't even see straight. Which wasn't often! I had to modify a bit, with baby's head on my arm, but my problem is small breasts, not large. But I think if you are on a firm mattress, and try to get baby positioned so that he won't roll into you or the breast, maybe keep him a bit away from your body? I don't know, maybe someone with an ample chest can help out here!

    Either way, it will get better with time. Even if you wind up with a permanent in arms sleeper like my 8 month old still is, it still gets easier when they are bigger and sleeping better than they do in the newborn stage!

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