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Thread: I'm thinking of giving up!

  1. #1

    Unhappy I'm thinking of giving up!

    I'm desperate right now... My 5 week old has had a bottle twice in her life. The first time was when I went to the hospital (my mother had to watch her, pre pump, so no other options for her. lol) and the second time was just a minute ago. I have been working my butt off to keep breastfeeding exclusively. I found out I have a blood clot (bottle 1) and despite being assigned meds I couldn't take while breastfeeding, I got a second opinion with a second breastfeeding friendly prescription, but I am at my breaking point!

    For the past couple weeks my daughter nurses constantly... Literally... The bottle today came after 4 hours of nursing, with very short breaks. She latches fine, and I know she is getting milk (the post nursing dribble reassures me there. lol), but it's just non-stop. I couldn't handle it anymore so I caved. I think my nipples were about to fall off...

    I am the first person in my family (in generations) to breastfeed so I have no support system to rely on. No one has done it so no one understands it, and my questions are answered by google alone!

    So, here is my question. Is this normal? She nurses all the time. I go through a million diapers a day, so she MUST be getting enough, but why does she seem so hungry and fussy all the time? What can I do to stop this?

    She is gaining weight slowly, although her pediatrician isn't concerned since she IS gaining.

    After the bottle, she is now full, content, and happy. What am I doing wrong? I know formula is harder to digest, but the longest break I get from nursing is at night, where she sleeps 4 hours. Aside from that, I'm lucky to get 45 minutes between sessions...

    Help? I am feeling inadequate and so ready to give up... Losing that fighting spirit I did have! lol

    Edit: On a related note, any tips on how to spare my poor boobies? I have nipple cream, so they aren't dry or cracked, just mega sore. =P
    Last edited by @llli*meagans87; July 14th, 2013 at 01:07 PM.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: I'm thinking of giving up!

    Your baby's nursing pattern is normal. Nursing does get less frequent and sessions get shorter later, but what you describe is normal for the newborn period.

    But just because the nursing pattern is normal, does not mean all is well. So I have a couple questions, if that is ok?

    How slow is the gain, exactly? can you give a lifetime weight check history?

    How many times in a day does baby poop-count when it is enough to scoop up with a spoon, (just imagine, don't really scoop it!) not just a streak. And what do poops look like?

    I think my nipples were about to fall off...
    While in the early weeks nipples may feel a bit 'tired' or slightly sore after marathon nursing sessions, nursing should not hurt. Are you having pain during or after nursing? Any visible nipple damage? How do you think latch is?

  3. #3
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    Default Re: I'm thinking of giving up!

    ps, please do not get your breastfeeding info from google! There is lots of misinformation out there, you want to be careful. Come here, and aside from asking ? on the forum, use the search engine, there is 6 decades worth of info and wisdom on here. also there are some other very good breastfeeding websites. www.kellymom.com is another awesome online resource.

    the book The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (8th edition) is like having a friend who nursed 10 kids sitting next to you all day. It's awesome.

    Any local breastfeeding support?

  4. #4
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    Default Re: I'm thinking of giving up!

    It is normal. And it's the way mother nature intends for it to be. Your baby should be very close to you or connected to you at all time the 1st 12 weeks. Their chances of survival go up exponentially when this is true. Having the baby on you/with decreases risk of sids as well as regulates and maintains supply. And don't confuse the fact that formula is harder on their system and taking longer to digest for "more satisfying" it's not true. The constant eating is about the fact that everything is getting absorbed into her very rapidly growing organs and tissue. Not only does formula take longer to digest, but less of it is digested. So more waste is created as well. That takes time.
    IME the easiest way to cope with this period of time is to wrap your mind around the fact that it's normal. It's the way it's supposed to go. Most of us spend the 1st 6-12 weeks in our PJs on the couch nursing. Expect that. Accept that. Wake up and plan for that. Set up a nursing station. A place in the house, living room or bedroom where you EXPECT to spend most of the day. Bring your phones, your remotes, snacks and laptop if you have one. I got up to Pee, Change diapers and get more food. That's it. I didn't even try to venture out of the house until the 5 week point and even then, it was only once a week for an hour.
    Another thing that many of us find helpful is a wrap or sling. So that you can change laundry or get a plate and get food without putting the baby down.
    As for nipples spend as much time as possible with your shirt off. And know that as your child's mouth gets bigger the pain will likely disappear.
    It's such a short short time in your childs life. Make the investment. You won't ever be sorry you did.

    Way too lazy for formula

  5. #5

    Default Re: I'm thinking of giving up!

    @llli*lllmeg- She was born 7.1 but was 6.10 when she left the hospital. Was around 6.11 at her first check, which was a couple days later then it should've been (the weekend got in my way. lol) She, over the next 2 weeks gained maybe 5 ounces, then suddenly gained an additional 6, so she is now 7.7. lol My first born was failure to thrive because of weight issues though, so I've been down the slow to gain road before! lol As far as poop, she poops roughly 4 times a day (sometimes more) in this horrible mass explosion! lol There's plenty there... Most of the time is it yellow and seedy, although I get the occasional green and seedy, but that's once in a blue moon. As far as local support, the hospital has a group that I am thinking of attending, but not much more aside from that. Yay! lol My solace is knowing that someday, I will understand my daughters frustration with their own... =P I think she is latched on well... I had a lactation consultant come in the hospital and she said she looked good, but that was also 5 weeks ago! I can feel the let down, more so now that my nipples are tender. Breastfeeding normally doesn't hurt, but with my nipples being tender, my baby looking at them hurts! lol Not bad enough not to feed her, but they are for sure tender...

    @llli*djs.mom- I totally appreciate your advice, but that is just not practical for my particular situation. I have a 4 year old and I am taking care of my ill mother... As well as a 5 week old! It's like having 3 needy kids... Very needy kids... My husband isn't home often enough to really be of help. He has to leave for long periods of time, so I'm left with the kids... lol I'm just stressing beyond all reason. My family telling me my daughter is too skinny, too many people to take care of... I think I found a gray hair the other day... lol

  6. #6
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    Default Re: I'm thinking of giving up!

    That is a very stressful situation. So you have family visiting when they tell you your dd is skinny? Or is it just pictures they're seeing? If it's the former, I'd put my foot down. Something like: while I appreciate your concern, I'm working closely with her ped and he's not concerned. These early weeks a are tough no matter how baby is fed. What I really need from you is help with the older child (the park for an hour perhaps?) Or help around the house. That way I can focus on baby during this intense but short time in her life and can get a little more rest to heal my body after birth.
    Only you can know how much you can take. But once you hit the 12 week mark and baby begins to really see the world around her, things tend to get much easier. I remember being completely baffled at that point. Ds is awake, why isn't he nursing?! You're already half way there. Are you using traditional nursing positions or the more laid back reclined nursing? I know lll meg has a great link explaining that style. Maybe gravity is causing her to pull the nipple down more than usual?

  7. #7
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    Default Re: I'm thinking of giving up!

    OK, I am sorry but I am not understand how you are describing the weight checks. Can you check my ‘math’ and fill in the (blanks) for me?

    Birth weight- 7lbs 1 oz
    Lowest known weight in hospital- 6 lbs 10 oz. (on what day of life?)
    Next weight check 6lbs 11 oz (on what day of life?)
    Next weight check- baby had gained 5 ounces. So weighed 7lbs even? (on what day of life?)
    Next weight check baby had gained 6 ounces -to be 7lbs 6 oz-(what day of life)
    Now baby is 7lbs 7 ounces. (On what day of life was this last check done?)

    Also were these weight checks, besides the first two in the hospital, all on the same scale?

    An initial loss post birth of 6 ounces is not a huge deal, pretty common. Baby growing in fits and starts to some degree is common as well. But typically you want to see baby back up to birth weight by 2 weeks. Did that happen? And if it did, are you saying baby has gained only 6 ounces in the 3 weeks since?

    I want to get this weight figured out. Because something is not jibing. Your babies output sounds very good. If she is poopiong that much it would appear she gets plenty of milk. So why is she gaining so slowly?

    Anyway, you are absolutely right, what happened in the hospital with latch and nursing is basically irrelevant at this point. I am a bit worried that you are having so much nipple soreness that is relatively new. I just don;t want it getting worse. Have you looked into what is available to you for seeing an IBCLC as an outpatient?

    If there are family members around who can tell you your baby is skinny, maybe they can also pitch in and help in the care of your mom and older child. You have a NEWBORN. Nursing or not -that alone is a huge time commitment. Time to call in reinforcements if at all possible.

    Ok here are my two tips for helping baby get more milk per nursing session, which may improve long session issues and weight gain 1) Breast compression (described here http://www.breastfeedinginc.ca/conte...agename=doc-BC ) 2) Switch sides at least once or more times during a feeding

  8. #8

    Default Re: I'm thinking of giving up!

    @llli*zaynethepain- Both. lol Another baby was born a few months prior to mine and I think they are looking to that baby as guidance... That one is mega chunky, and also breastfed! This one is in the 10th percentile, but they forget that my first was technically underweight for years, with no known cause and a million specialists and tests to try to figure out why, so technically this one is bigger, but she doesn't have the baby chunk on her arms and legs, so she is more slender than what you picture babies to be. Most the family lives out of state though. Maybe it's time to move? lol

    @llli*lllmeg- Cant give you the specific time frames, because it's difficult to remember, but the 6.10 was day 1 or 2 of life, while still in the hospital. About 5 days later she was 6.11, so at about a week old? She hit birth weight on week 3 of life, and at her last weight check, at 4 weeks old, she was at 7.7. It was the most weight she's gained. My first born was exactly like this though, and I went to specialist after specialist trying to figure out the cause, but then, when they started using BMI instead of percentiles (at 2 years old I think?), she was at a healthy weight. Right now my new baby is in the 10th percentile, so small, but at least not like my first. =P

    So to answer your question, at 2 weeks she was still under birth weight. Same scale at the same pediatrician. lol At 3 weeks she hit birth weight and over the course of a week, she gained 6 ounces and is now at 7.7 (or was a week ago, so in theory she is more now! lol).

    Her pediatrician is the same one I've brought my first to since she was a few months old. This one is really amazing. Has to qualms with taking my concerns seriously, but she also knows my first kids history with weight. For 2 years I saw her every 2-4 weeks, then every other month until my daughter turned 3! lol With my first, I saw everyone with a MD at the end of their name! That kid went through test after test, but everything showed she was perfectly fine, developing fine, just petit. So, the pediatrician said she thinks I just have small babies... lol She is gonna keep monitoring her weight gain, but right now, she doesn't think there is any reason to worry.

    I have looked into seeing an IBCLC, but my insurance doesn't cover it and moneys a little tight right now. There is a group at a local hospital that is run by a nurse who is also certified, so I was planning on looking into joining that. But, I have to wait until Thursday to get my questions answered! lol

    Thus far, this has been a total pain! I did have mastitis, around the time I found out about my blood clot. Seriously, the world is throwing everything it has at me! lol After the bottle, she didn't nurse for a few hours. The break seems to have reduced the tenderness I'm feeling, so maybe they just needed a breather? lol

  9. #9
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    Default Re: I'm thinking of giving up!

    Don't give up! I had similar issues. My LO is same age as yours. My insurance won't cover LC either (I'd have to be hospitalized for coverage) try contacting local LLL and someone can do a home visit for you at no cost! Its worth it!

  10. #10
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    Default Re: I'm thinking of giving up!

    So to answer your question, at 2 weeks she was still under birth weight. Same scale at the same pediatrician. lol At 3 weeks she hit birth weight and over the course of a week, she gained 6 ounces and is now at 7.7 (or was a week ago, so in theory she is more now! lol).
    OK good, if the weight gain in the last one week period that is known was 6 ounces that is normal, not slow gain. So if baby keeps gaiing like that all likely just fine. Just checking! I am a stickler about this because I have seen too many moms with a slow gaining baby told "all is well" and then suddenly at two or four months or even later, mom is ordered to start baby on formula supplements, when earlier assistance with breastfeeding issues may have avoided that. And it sounds like you have a great pediatrician so, good.

    For sore nipples-it is possible you just needed a break. But if it comes back, I would suggest, if you would like some help here, since we can not see baby, if we have more info we may be able to help. take a look at how you are positioning yourself and baby. Is the position(s) comfortable for you? Is baby turned in toward you, front to front? Check baby's latch. Does it look and feel as if baby has a nice 'mouthful' of breast? Does baby slip off as the feeding goes on, or clamp down, or do anything else that feels ouchy? etc.

    go to the meeting at the hosp! Also many areas have low cost lactation assistance options or even free programs for some moms. and i agree contact local lll if available.

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