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Thread: Please help me wean her!!!

  1. #1

    Thumbs up Please help me wean her!!!

    Hi everyone,
    My daughter will be two this weekend and i am sooo ready to wean her. I honestly hate still nursing her, but its better then listening to her scream and cry for hours for it..she still nurses for naps and at night usually and then throughout the day too depending on what we're doing. Please tell me there's some quick painless way lol. I have thought of lemon juice, band aids, but haven't tried it yet. My older child self weaned at 20 months when i was pregnant with her so i have no experience actually weaning. Help?

  2. #2

    Default Re: Please help me wean her!!!

    Oh and dad putting her to bed isn't an option right now either.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    24

    Default Re: Please help me wean her!!!

    I am in the exact same boat as you, my son is 22 months and still nurses to sleep for nap/bedtime and through the night. He'd nurse during the day as well, but I try to distract him with something else. I feel like he's never going to wean! My 2nd self-weaned around 2 1/2, so maybe there is still hope? I can not stand to let him cry so that isn't an option for us. Hoping someone has some good advice.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Please help me wean her!!!

    Lol i can't wait six months,idk if I'll last six more days of this

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    20,652

    Default Re: Please help me wean her!!!

    Welcome to the forum!

    Ideally, weaning happens naturally, slowly, and with love. LLL advises against "aversion" methods (like putting something bad-tasting on the breast, "giving the baby the Gussy", etc.), because they can be rather traumatic for the baby.

    Slow weaning is recommended, particularly for mothers who are nursing frequently, because weaning too fast sets a mom up for increased likelihood of problems like engorgement, plugged ducts, and mastitis. So when a mom pursues "mother-led" weaning, she should aim to drop a single nursing session, wait a day or two, and then drop another session, etc. That way her body gets the message that demand is going down, but because milk removal continues, there's less likelihood of the problems mentioned above.

    Is there a feeding (or block of feedings) that you most want to get rid of right now? Perhaps the nighttime feedings? Often when a mom is able to get a decent amount of sleep, daytime nursing becomes tolerable again.

    Here are some things that can help you further the weaning process:
    - Avoid your customary nursing spots. Often a baby is cued to nurse by seeing mom sit down in "the nursing chair".
    - Stay out and about. Toddlers tend to nurse less often when they have new and different things to look at and play with. Take your LO to the park, to the grocery store, to the big box store, the mall, etc.
    - Set and communicate reasonable limits. Most 2 year olds can understand things like "We will nurse when we get home" or "You can nurse, but only until mommy counts to 10" or "We will nurse again in the morning, when the sun comes up." If limits lead to screaming and tantrums, gently continue to enforce the limit while giving the baby alternate forms of comfort- hugs, back rubs, lullabies, etc.
    - Enlist alternate caregivers. I know your husband can't take over bedtime, but maybe grandma can? A babysitter, a family member- they can also care for your LO during the day, at junctures when you don't want to nurse.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  6. #6

    Default Re: Please help me wean her!!!

    Honestly,no, there's no one else who's going to help with her. And bc of car problems i can't really just take her out places during the day i don't think there's any certain block of nursing I don't like, mostly the whole thing lol. I would say pointless times, like when she just nurses forever for no reason.


    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommal View Post
    Welcome to the forum!

    Ideally, weaning happens naturally, slowly, and with love. LLL advises against "aversion" methods (like putting something bad-tasting on the breast, "giving the baby the Gussy", etc.), because they can be rather traumatic for the baby.

    Slow weaning is recommended, particularly for mothers who are nursing frequently, because weaning too fast sets a mom up for increased likelihood of problems like engorgement, plugged ducts, and mastitis. So when a mom pursues "mother-led" weaning, she should aim to drop a single nursing session, wait a day or two, and then drop another session, etc. That way her body gets the message that demand is going down, but because milk removal continues, there's less likelihood of the problems mentioned above.

    Is there a feeding (or block of feedings) that you most want to get rid of right now? Perhaps the nighttime feedings? Often when a mom is able to get a decent amount of sleep, daytime nursing becomes tolerable again.

    Here are some things that can help you further the weaning process:
    - Avoid your customary nursing spots. Often a baby is cued to nurse by seeing mom sit down in "the nursing chair".
    - Stay out and about. Toddlers tend to nurse less often when they have new and different things to look at and play with. Take your LO to the park, to the grocery store, to the big box store, the mall, etc.
    - Set and communicate reasonable limits. Most 2 year olds can understand things like "We will nurse when we get home" or "You can nurse, but only until mommy counts to 10" or "We will nurse again in the morning, when the sun comes up." If limits lead to screaming and tantrums, gently continue to enforce the limit while giving the baby alternate forms of comfort- hugs, back rubs, lullabies, etc.
    - Enlist alternate caregivers. I know your husband can't take over bedtime, but maybe grandma can? A babysitter, a family member- they can also care for your LO during the day, at junctures when you don't want to nurse.

  7. #7

    Default Re: Please help me wean her!!!

    My 22-month-old first child has just started weaning, too! So I don't really speak from much experience, but here are some ideas.

    -- Does your daughter like any other types of milk? We were surprised to find that our daughter loves coconut milk (she has an allergy to cow's milk), which we call he "special milk." Maybe she would accept something like that when asking to nurse in the day (try it one feeding at a time -- not for every feeding) This has helped us with daytime weaning; she was actually hungry/thirsty, and not just hoping for comfort.

    -- Your husband is not available to put the baby to bed; is he available to soothe her during the night? This is how we night-weaned a while back. My husband went in to soothe our daughter and did things like hold her, let her suck on his finger, give her water, sing to her, etc. It took her awhile to get used to this, but she was less upset with him doing the non-nursing soothing than me, since she knows he cannot nurse her.

    -- Is she getting her two-year molars in? They can be SO painful. Maybe it is worth waiting a week or two to see if there is a lull in the demand if that is the case.

    -- If you can't take her anywhere, can you come up with some new things at home? I've been relying on a ten-dollar kiddie pool to get me through one of the tough hours when she used to nurse. I let her splash in it naked to her heart's content. Do you have sprinklers? Can you give her a couple of bowls and cups and some dry pasta (macaroni) to play with? Has she ever done play-dough or bubbles? Does she like to bake?

    -- Perhaps the biggest help: try deciding on a certain number of feedings at certain times, and not deviating from that. Right now we are nursing once in the morning, once for the nap, and once before bed. When she asks, I tell her when the next nursing will be instead of that we won't nurse (i.e., "oh, we'll do that after lunch/your bath.") Then I offer the "special milk" or whatever else. (My daughter did complain some, but less than I expected from my very strong-willed and expressive child.)After she has gotten used to this, then you can drop each of those feedings, one at a time. I understand how much you want it to just STOP RIGHT NOW, but I was surprised at how much difference it made to me just to know that there would be three and only three nursings.

    -- She may be upset. She may be REALLY upset; but eventually she will be distracted by something else. It's important to remember that restrictions on nursing are all very new to her and she needs to have a chance to learn what weaning is. If you can stick it out a few days and be predictable -- show her that yes, she still gets to nurse sometimes, but only at X, Y, and Z times -- she may come to understand that this isn't a punishment and that it's actually okay. Once she has experienced SOME weaning, then it may be easier to do TOTAL weaning; she'll be prepared to accept more restrictions on nursing and finally no nursing at all.

    -- And as for those loooong nursings; it is perfectly fine for you to unlatch her when it has become too much for you, even if she gets upset. It is terrible to feel trapped; if she were a newborn, you might have to tough it out, but a toddler benefits from learning to consider others' needs sometimes.

    Good luck!
    Last edited by @llli*dillon923; July 10th, 2013 at 07:30 PM.

  8. #8

    Default Re: Please help me wean her!!!

    amycc, do you think he nurses with such dedication at night because he can't during the day? I think it's called reverse cycling -- nursing all night because that's when it's available. I wonder if he might accept gradual night weaning better if you allowed two or three predictable nursings during the day (it doesn't have to be on-demand). That might seem like taking a step backward, but if it's more important to you to wean at night then during the day, then switching might be an idea; then you could wean again during the day.

    Can you try getting him down just at night without nursing all the way to sleep (have dad do it if possible), and leave the nap how it is for the time being? He will be more tired at night and maybe more willing to accept it. Here's what we do (although it's just what works for us):

    1. Bath + PJs
    2. Clean up toys
    3. Nurse on living room couch.
    4. Mama reads one book aloud.
    5. Papa reads one book aloud.
    6. Papa takes baby into her room and uses all his tricks to help her to sleep (singing, holding, rubbing, water-giving, finger-sucking, even a stern talking-to). Over time she has needed less and less help from him.

    After a few weeks of this, she started allowing me to put her to bed in the same way when needed, although her dad still usually does it.

    Doesn't work for naps, though! We are having trouble figuring that one out.
    Last edited by @llli*dillon923; July 10th, 2013 at 07:20 PM.

  9. #9

    Default Re: Please help me wean her!!!

    I don't think she really wakes up overnight,we cosleep so it's possible i don't notice lol but i don't think she does, the daytime nursing is what gets me,i don't mind nursing her to sleep at night usually, though ideally yes i want to be all done, but the daytime just constant kills me. I think two molars are all the way through and two still coming in. I do figure weaning won't happen till they're all came in totally. I will have to try the water play ideas. She does like cows milk but she will drink it and still want to nurse lol. And it doesn't help when if she cries my son says "nurse that baby" lol he's four.

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*dillon923 View Post
    My 22-month-old first child has just started weaning, too! So I don't really speak from much experience, but here are some ideas.

    -- Does your daughter like any other types of milk? We were surprised to find that our daughter loves coconut milk (she has an allergy to cow's milk), which we call he "special milk." Maybe she would accept something like that when asking to nurse in the day (try it one feeding at a time -- not for every feeding) This has helped us with daytime weaning; she was actually hungry/thirsty, and not just hoping for comfort.

    -- Your husband is not available to put the baby to bed; is he available to soothe her during the night? This is how we night-weaned a while back. My husband went in to soothe our daughter and did things like hold her, let her suck on his finger, give her water, sing to her, etc. It took her awhile to get used to this, but she was less upset with him doing the non-nursing soothing than me, since she knows he cannot nurse her.

    -- Is she getting her two-year molars in? They can be SO painful. Maybe it is worth waiting a week or two to see if there is a lull in the demand if that is the case.

    -- If you can't take her anywhere, can you come up with some new things at home? I've been relying on a ten-dollar kiddie pool to get me through one of the tough hours when she used to nurse. I let her splash in it naked to her heart's content. Do you have sprinklers? Can you give her a couple of bowls and cups and some dry pasta (macaroni) to play with? Has she ever done play-dough or bubbles? Does she like to bake?

    -- Perhaps the biggest help: try deciding on a certain number of feedings at certain times, and not deviating from that. Right now we are nursing once in the morning, once for the nap, and once before bed. When she asks, I tell her when the next nursing will be instead of that we won't nurse (i.e., "oh, we'll do that after lunch/your bath.") Then I offer the "special milk" or whatever else. (My daughter did complain some, but less than I expected from my very strong-willed and expressive child.)After she has gotten used to this, then you can drop each of those feedings, one at a time. I understand how much you want it to just STOP RIGHT NOW, but I was surprised at how much difference it made to me just to know that there would be three and only three nursings.

    -- She may be upset. She may be REALLY upset; but eventually she will be distracted by something else. It's important to remember that restrictions on nursing are all very new to her and she needs to have a chance to learn what weaning is. If you can stick it out a few days and be predictable -- show her that yes, she still gets to nurse sometimes, but only at X, Y, and Z times -- she may come to understand that this isn't a punishment and that it's actually okay. Once she has experienced SOME weaning, then it may be easier to do TOTAL weaning; she'll be prepared to accept more restrictions on nursing and finally no nursing at all.

    -- And as for those loooong nursings; it is perfectly fine for you to unlatch her when it has become too much for you, even if she gets upset. It is terrible to feel trapped; if she were a newborn, you might have to tough it out, but a toddler benefits from learning to consider others' needs sometimes.

    Good luck!

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