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Thread: Unable to latch and feed 8 day old baby.

  1. #21
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
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    middle of IA
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    Default Re: Unable to latch and feed 8 day old baby.

    - a lot of people are now recommending giving a little milk first, then finishing at the breast, so baby gets the feeling of satiety associated with breast. so i think whatever works for you in terms of orde ris ok.
    - your breasts are never "empty" - they continually make milk, even if you've just pumped, although that will make it a bit harder for him to get milk
    - there are lots of very cheap DIY wrap/sling options. you can often find the moby for $30, and make a knockoff for cheaper if you have access to a fabric store (even walmart).
    - what's wrong with late pumping?
    - early signs of hunger: http://kellymom.com/ages/newborn/bf-basics/hunger-cues/
    DS1 6/7/11
    DS2 10/29/13

    Nursing, pumping, cloth-diapering, babywearing, working professor mama with the awesomest SAHD ever.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    5,895

    Default Re: Unable to latch and feed 8 day old baby.

    Hi apifera. How is it going?

    I have the same ? as auderey-what do you mean 'late pumping?' I think you said you were pumping and feeding baby what you pumped at the last pump session, so are you concerened about keeping up? Because otherwise, pumping need not be on a set scedule. You can pump as erratically as you like, because as you have noticed, babies this age time nursing very erratically which is normal. A baby needs to nurse about 10-12 times a day but will do so in fits and starts. You can pump the same way (shoot for at least 8 times a day pumping, but you can pump less often as baby nurses more.)

    When feeding baby, I suggest you can do what works for you and baby in the moment. Just about everything that anyone including me says about breastfeeding are suggestions, not rules or warnings. You, not anyone else, is there every minute with YOUR baby. You are the expert on your baby.

    So, I suggest: Use your instincts, follow babies cues, hold baby against your chest as much as you like (this is often all you need to do in order to "offer" to nurse) give any needed supplements before or after nursing or both as works at the time, and generally keep in mind that a baby's tummy is the size of their fist so very small feedings and frequent hunger cueing is the norm at this age.

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
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    164

    Default Re: Unable to latch and feed 8 day old baby.

    I don't know about offering to breastfeed. I am getting mixed signals. When I put him to my chest for a burp, even when he has just eaten, he starts to bob his head, as if looking for the breast. But when I get him to the nipple he either fights and squawks or looks at it calmly until I take it away.

    I'm feeling exhausted and disappointed right now. We haven't had a successful latch today, and he just spit up his entire bottle of breastmilk presumably because I was so tired I let him gulp it instead of doing the paced bottle feeding that you suggested, meg. I'm really feeling doomed to pump around the clock and never get him to latch.

    I feel like it's because my breasts are so big and long and pendulous. I can't get him comfortable enough to just *be* around them for any length of time. He'll gladly do the "breast crawl" and seem for all the world as if he is determined to get to that nipple... only to just stare at, ignore it, or root in the other direction. I have a hard time believing this is instinct, as much as I want to.

    As for the pumping, I try to do it no later than 3 hours because I've been warned against that by well, pretty much everyone. But between getting him fed, getting the pump supplies cleaned up and getting things ready for the next session, then getting him taken care of I find myself going longer and longer.

    I tried laying with him skin to skin today... again. He sqwaked as soon as he saw the breasts, then fell asleep. No interest in the nipple at all.

  4. #24
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    Jun 2009
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    Default Re: Unable to latch and feed 8 day old baby.

    I hear a tired mom who is on information overload! This is one reason why online communication is so limiting. So I am going to try to keep this simple.

    he starts to bob his head, as if looking for the breast. But when I get him to the nipple he either fights and squawks or looks at it calmly until I take it away.
    Do you try instant reward at this point? and/ or Breast sandwich? Talking to baby, encouraging, making soothing noises, drawing your nipple over his lips, adjusting position....Not pressuring baby means don't pressure. Don't force. It does not mean, don't do anything at all. Your baby right now seems to need help to latch. So Help him.

    I have a hard time believing this is instinct, as much as I want to.
    What do you think is not instinct? Breastfeeding is both instinctual AND a learned skill for both mom and baby.
    Also, what do you mean by breast crawl? It is a misunderstanding of the reseach to think a baby must or should "crawl' to the breast or must entirely self latch. We moms have arms and hands and a brain for a reason. You can & should help baby get to the nipple or with latching as much as you need to or like. Here is a saying I heard from Diane Weissinger: "Baby led" does not mean "Mother dead."

    Spit up- is a normal part of being a baby. Paced bottle feeding is important with not overfeeding or overwhelming baby and in avoiding breast refusal, but not spit up except as related to overfeeding- at least not that I know of. Babies spit up. And it looks like much more than it is. How do you know it was his entire bottle? Don't get defeated over something as normal and not an issue as spitup.

    Pumping: As long as you are pumping with good frequency over all, (8 times a day if you can.) You can occasionally go more than 3 hours between pumping. ESPECIALLY to get a stretch of sleep which I think you really need.

    Sleep: You need some. Please work with your husband to put together a 4-5 hour block of sleep somehow. You will feel like a new woman.

    baby not interested: How much is baby getting from bottles? A healthy, growing baby showing no interest at the breast indicates a baby who is getting overfed with the bottle to me.

    Have you ever seen a Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) outside the hospital? For an appt that goes something like this? http://cwgenna.com/lconsult.html I really think it is time for hands on help. AFTER you get some sleep.

    This is not about your body. Your body is fine. It is awesome. Your body rocks! It is about your baby and, probably, what happened in the hospital.
    Last edited by @llli*lllmeg; July 1st, 2013 at 01:46 PM. Reason: fixed link

  5. #25
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    Jun 2013
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    Default Re: Unable to latch and feed 8 day old baby.

    I do help him. It wouldn't make sense not to. Those blissful few days before we left the hospital are gone. He was with me from birth. He fed like a champ. Now we are just in constant opposition over this. I cant seem to create a space where we both feel calm and comfortable and as mom that's my job!

  6. #26
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    Jun 2009
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    Default Re: Unable to latch and feed 8 day old baby.

    I do help him. It wouldn't make sense not to.
    OK, good. I misunderstood. Many moms are told to let baby 'self attach' and they get frozen, afraid to do anything.

    I cant seem to create a space where we both feel calm and comfortable and as mom that's my job!
    I think you are being way to hard on yourself-this is not your fault!

    You sound really tired and overwhelmed. You are not in this alone. I know your husband had some big work dealy thing, but when he gets home, can you get some time to take a bath or whatever helps you relax, and crash? What about other family, friends-anyone around who can be helpful and supportive so you can get some down time?

  7. #27
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    Jun 2013
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    Default Re: Unable to latch and feed 8 day old baby.

    its just that every minute that goes by, every day he doesnt latch we get further from ever doing it. I see no proof, no hope... no one has come along to say they went this long or even longer and eventually it worked... without bottles and pumps my baby would have died by now. so how is this natural and instinctual? it doesnt make any sense. all i've been told boils down to "keep trying" ... well i'm a facts person. i find them encouraging, not "keep trying". I've had three "experts" here in NC assess the situation and all the help you've offered, plus all the info I've read online and still, we aren't progressing.

    I appreciate all the help you've given me. It has helped a ton and I still hope that we're able to do it... I dont mean to sound ungrateful, I just can't figure out what is wrong and frankly of the "experts" one of whom I have a great deal of respect for can't, then what hope is there for us?

    Maybe you're right and I just need sleep. My husband did offer to take over for me but it's almost seven and he's still at work. Not his fault, it just is what it is.
    Last edited by @llli*apifera; July 1st, 2013 at 04:27 PM.

  8. #28
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    Feb 2012
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    middle of IA
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    Default Re: Unable to latch and feed 8 day old baby.

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*apifera View Post
    its just that every minute that goes by, every day he doesnt latch we get further from ever doing it. I see no proof, no hope... no one has come along to say they went this long or even longer and eventually it worked...
    mama, look around on this site. a HUGE number of women here have been in your position, and it worked. there was a mama here who exclusively pumped for something like three months for her baby who was on a nursing strike before they had a breakthrough! so while what you are doing is - truly - really hard, many many women have been through it successfully. and while pumping is easier than nursing for you right now, for almost everybody that switches over time - nursing gets easier and easier, while pumping stays the same and/or gets harder. so if you want to continue providing breastmilk, then it is WORTH IT to push through to get your baby back to the breast.

    Maybe you're right and I just need sleep. My husband did offer to take over for me but it's almost seven and he's still at work. Not his fault, it just is what it is.
    you need help and support right now. i understand your husband needing to be at work, if this is unavoidable right now, so who else do you have to help you in htis fvery difficult time? now is the time to call in favors. friends, neighbors, church people, relatives who can come and stay with you for a few days or a week?
    DS1 6/7/11
    DS2 10/29/13

    Nursing, pumping, cloth-diapering, babywearing, working professor mama with the awesomest SAHD ever.

  9. #29
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    Jun 2013
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    Default Re: Unable to latch and feed 8 day old baby.

    No, there's no one that can support me locally. My husband, who is the most supportive man I have ever met is proving himself at a new job and though he goes above and the call of duty there is only so far he can push himself. We just relocated back to the US after living in my husband's country of origin, so we don't have a support network. We only moved into our new place last month and haven't even met the neighbors.

    The LCs I have seen have all told me to supplement with formula as needed "in order to sleep at night" but baby wants to eat every one hour and forty five minutes even after drinking formula, and I don't like giving it to him anyway. We've been trying the paced bottle feeding method to make sure he's not eating too much since yesterday, but he still wants frequent feedings.

    I'd really love to know how it worked for moms who had trouble latching. At first I was encouraged by the consultants I had seen who said that it could be done in weeks or months, but the more sleep I lose and the less he latches the more I worry. He knows how to do it so I am just at a loss for what I can do to help him when it seems like he's just refusing because the bottle is easier!

  10. #30
    Join Date
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    Location
    middle of IA
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    Default Re: Unable to latch and feed 8 day old baby.

    well, yes, the bottle is easier. for him. not for you. and much of what you're going through right now is ABSOLUTELY NORMAL, and WOULD NOT CHANGE if you quit providing breastmilk and switched over to formula. the frequent feedings, the broken sleep - all of that is par for the course for new parents.

    can you hire help? can your husband give even one or two of those nighttime bottles, even though he's at work long days? is there a local LLL or other breastfeeding support group? you need a stretch of sleep, and soon!

    another idea - have you tried bringing him to the breast in the bath? that's often a very relaxed, easy technique that works.
    DS1 6/7/11
    DS2 10/29/13

    Nursing, pumping, cloth-diapering, babywearing, working professor mama with the awesomest SAHD ever.

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