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Thread: In need of some advice and encouragement

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    10

    Default In need of some advice and encouragement

    Hi everyone! Well, just want to say my baby will be 7 months old next week! Woohoo! I am so proud of myself for breastfeeding for this long, which is why I am writing. Part of me wants to stop because I am exhausted, but the other part of me is determined. I work full time and have my husband and 5 year old at home. My 5 year old gets sad sometimes because I am not "there" as often as my husband is (e.g. once I get home I'm breatsfeeding from 330-430 and then 630-730 and the 5 year old goes to bed at 8). Also, I still haven't started my period and feel cranky sometimes. My sex life is almost non-existent because hormonally and physically I just don't feel in the mood (breasts are sensitive and as my doctor has said, BF "dries you up" so extra care has to be taken down there during sex, if you know what I mean). My husband is so supportive and my 5 year old is a great big sister, but sometimes I feel like I just want my body and life back. *sigh* Thanks for taking the time to read this. Any advice is very appreciated

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    312

    Default Re: In need of some advice and encouragement

    My baby is almost 7 months old and takes no solids (or bottle for that matter), so I totally understand the exhaustion part of it. She gets nursed to sleep but then like you, it takes an hour or two for her to really be asleep and that means more nursing and more nursing. I have a 3 year old and when we tried to have family meals that meant I always miss dinner, and I hear you about sex 100%. I feel guilty for spending so much time feeding baby while my other child has to entertain herself or misses me putting her to bed.

    BUT, I remind myself that I put my oldest to bed her entire life, and spent all of my time with her. Now it's baby's turn. Soon baby will be 3 just like my oldest, it goes by so fast. For me, it's worth the lack of sex drive and missing out on some things. I have my whole life to enjoy my children together, put them to bed at the same time when they are older and have family dinners again. So, we stopped having family dinners and it's working out much better. And I have my whole life to have sex! You could make a goal for like once a week and make an effort to be really in the mood if you can...that's usually how we proceed.

    I get those "I want my life back waaahhhh" feelings too, but then I get over it. I am my baby's lifeline, I'm her whole world and that alone is enough for me to want to continue. If you want to keep going, keep going. Your baby is only this small once, in a few months things might be very different. I know everything you used to do that you miss out on looks so tempting, but I would try to keep it in perspective. Whatever you decide you made it 7 months and that is awesome!!
    and Mama to two little girls

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    5,610

    Default Re: In need of some advice and encouragement

    Would bottle feeding bring your body or life back? This is your body, your beautiful amazing body that is doing the most amazing thing ever that no other body CAN do, nourishing and simultaneously, comforting your baby. And this is your life. Just as (I assume) having one child changed your life (and body) forever, having two changes everything again. No matter how they are fed.

    Is there some reason you cannot be 'there' for your daughter while you nurse baby? I read to my boys, play games, talk, cuddle etc. while nursing their baby sister. Not to paint an unrealistically rosy picture, I also holler at them, referee their arguments, stop them from hitting each other and get totally exasperated with them just as much as before baby came. I am definitely there, whether they like it or not!

    Maybe you can turn trying out lubricants into a silly game with your husband that may spice things up. We found “outsmarting the baby” by sneaking off for adult time after baby was asleep put us in a silly and affectionate mood. Remember sex is in the mind to a large degree. Not feeling in the mood organically/spontaneously does not mean you cannot GET in the mood with a little effort. No guarantee weaning is going to bring desire crashing back. Plenty of moms who never nursed find it hard to get in the mood post-kids.

    All mommies are cranky sometimes af or no af nursing or no nursing. Even June Cleaver got cranky even if she wore pearls and a lovely dress doing it. You work full time and mother two kids, one a baby! That is huge! Lighten up on yourself.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    21,149

    Default Re: In need of some advice and encouragement

    We all have those "I want my life back!" moments. Even the moms who seem most contented- the ones who seem like natural-born mommies, completely devoted to their children's every hiccup, happy even when covered in puke- even those women have days when they want to throw up their hands and scream "I quit! You can take this whole whole mommy thing and SHOVE IT!"

    As the others have said, this is a short moment in the life of your family and someday you'll look back on it and you'll remember that it was hard, but you'll also be glad you gave it your all.

    With a 7 month old baby, a 5 year-old, and a full-time job, I am surprised you even have the bandwidth to THINK about sex, let alone to do it. The dryness from breastfeeding and the low libido will pass eventually, I promise. Most moms find that both lubrication and libido are back in full swing once their periods return, and usually well before then. Until then, lube, a glass of wine, and patience are your best friends.

    I'm not surprised that your 5 year-old is sad/emotional/cranky about how you're not "there" the same way that dad is. I am sure that the sadness strikes hardest in the evenings, when you walk through the door... I know my kids can be happy, playful, affectionate, and laughing all day long, but right around the time their dad gets home from work they turn into cranky, tearful, demanding little monsters. It's not about him- it's just that their little clocks have wound down. They're hungry, they're tired, they're overstimulated. And it manifests as an intense need for attention just when the adults in the house could really use a break!
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    10

    Default Re: In need of some advice and encouragement

    Thank you all for your advice and ecouragement! Sometimes getting a different perspective really makes a difference. And you all are right that this is just a blink in time compared to the rest of my life, it's just that some days it doesn't seem like it. Thanks again and so glad LLL has a forum. Moms like me really need it!

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