Happy Mothers Breastfed Babies
Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: So ready to give up....

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    94

    Default So ready to give up....

    I haven't posted in a while, but you ladies were such a tremendous help during my first breastfeeding experience that I felt this was a good place to go.

    When I first found out I was pregnant with DS2, I was so excited to get to breastfeed again! DS1 breastfed successfully for 16 months, and it was such an enjoyable experience. This time around is proving to be anything but that. I'm not really going to give up; I think I just need to vent.

    Breastfeeding DS2 has become very frustrating. He's 8 months old and growing very well (born at 7 lb 13 oz, now at 8 mos just under 22 lbs). My problem: his incredible distractibility! How the heck do mommies of more than one make this work happily? My ODS (3 years old) will do anything in his power to interfere when we nurse, which isn't too difficult because YDS is way more interested in everything but boob these days. I can't go into another room because ODS will get upset and follow. I've tried giving him special "nursing" toys, but those only hold his attention until he realizes what the baby and I are doing. I've tried giving him a snack which works about as well as the special toys. The only things that have worked are nursing the baby to sleep at nap time and putting the T.V. on for ODS (not my favorite). Day nursing has been so difficult for the last couple months that YDS still wakes up at least 5 or 6 times at night, which adds to my frustration because I'm so tired. Cosleeping won't work for me because I can't sleep if he's in the bed with me (I'm too worried I'll roll over onto him or something).

    I will get to 1 year breastfeeding this little guy, I just wish it was more enjoyable. Thanks for listening.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    286

    Default Re: So ready to give up....

    Sorry you are having a tough time!

    Since you aren't bed sharing and don't plan on it in spite of the reverse cycling, it sounds like the TV is the only thing that is working and I'm guessing you feel guilty. I feel the same way. I have a 6.5 month old and a 3 year old as well, SAHM for like 9+ hours a day.

    I didn't nurse my first for many reasons, and this time nursing has been a real joy for the most part. Except when I have to worry about getting interrupted by my 3 year old. Which is all day long. Here is what I've come to accept...

    I probably won't be having any more kids so this is my last chance. My baby nurses to sleep for every nap and bed, so that means for 2 naps and 2 other feeds I have to keep DD1 entertained and out of the room, for the most part. Sometimes she can handle using my nook quietly and sitting in the rocking chair while I nurse on the bed with white noise on so baby can't see/hear her.

    I use the TV for 2 of the 4 feeds, and although I feel awful about it sometimes, I don't. It's like 1 hour out of her day, and to be honest I don't think that's excessive. We do a lot of other things during the day, she has a very full life. If I were you I wouldn't feel too bad about having your son watch maybe a half hour show twice per day so you can get 2 feeds in.

    Do you have a high chair/booster? We do, and one of the feeds I usually have DD1 sit in the high chair or booster with play dough or modeling clay with music playing, like pandora. She loves music, she loves picking the station and also I let her use my iPod. I even bought her little kid lady bug headphones that are volume control, she loves it.

    It sounds like your older son is resistant to independent play, as is my DD1. Maybe you could practice having him play independently while everyone is awake and not hungry, is there anything he absolutely loves that he would be okay with for like 15 min?

    Sorry this sucks so much, I have to say this has been a real problem for me but it seems to be going okay now once I let go of the guilt. Thankfully DD1 is starting preschool in the Fall so 2 of those 4 feeds she'll be at school. Hope things get better!!
    and Mama to two little girls

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    286

    Default Re: So ready to give up....

    also...I have found that baby will actually eat in the car if DD1 is in her car seat and eating a snack. I feel like that is an enormous accomplishment and it took a ton of tries, but now she will eat out thank goodness. Baby ate side lying only for about 4 months, it was torture, but it's FINALLY over. Anyway, after me offering for like the 50th time in the car, she started eating! I started by singing to her at home during feeds, she actually liked it, and she is the queen of distractable babies. So, I kept singing in the car so that was familiar. If you offer in every possible situation (you might already be doing this) maybe baby will surprise you by eating! I would try anything and everything, hopefully some other situation (vs quiet room alone with you) will work at some point.
    and Mama to two little girls

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    19,878

    Default Re: So ready to give up....

    When my younger child was born, we felt very lucky to have what we called the "Big Sister Show" on all the time. My younger daughter was never bored! Except during nursing time- then the Big Sister Show could be a huge distraction, just when I wanted my LO to focus!

    I agree with the PP that if TV is what gets you through this period, USE IT! And don't feel guilty about it.

    Can you get your ODS into a preschool or summer camp program, maybe just 1 day a week? Or get a sitter for a few hours a day, maybe 1-2x per week? It can be really helpful to have some time that is reserved for mommy-baby, and to let the toddler stretch his independence a bit, not to mention to have someone else tire him out for you!
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Northern Virginia
    Posts
    456

    Default Re: So ready to give up....

    I am not in your situation at the moment, but may be someday! But I would like to chime in regarding the TV thing. I was adamant that my LO not watch TV. I sat in front of the TV from birth until sometime around college (and then some!) many hours a day. I turned out okay, but I didn't want my LO to have the same experience; and we're so busy together we don't normally have time to think about it. HOWEVER, there are times when we just need her to sit quietly for a short time and nothing else reliably works. I bought a few DVDs that I very specifically vetted. I have to say, for the 20-40 minutes we let her watch -- not even every day -- she has actually learned a lot. We bought her some letter and words DVDs, and at 20 months she knows all of her letters and can recognize about 15 "sight words." So maybe if you pick some things where you feel your LO will really be learning, it won't feel like they're "watching TV."
    Mom to my sweet little "Pooper," born 10/12/11, and married to heavy metal husband. Working more than full-time, making healthy vegetarian meals for family, and trying to keep up with exercise routine.

    with #2, due mid-June. Will I ever sleep again?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    94

    Default Re: So ready to give up....

    Thank you so much for the responses and wonderful ideas! Play dough is a really good idea as is the Nook. My ODS loves to read stories on it. Perhaps that will keep him occupied for the 15 minutes or so YDS nurses. He was in preschool, but that ended in May. It was wonderful for all three of us. I got baby time, baby got a decent morning nap, and big brother got to play with friends and be independent. Win-win-win. Love the "big sister show." We can totally relate over here!

    I'll have to get over the T.V. guilt. As it is, it's not like he's watching garbage.

    Thank you all for letting me vent. It is so, so very nice to have a place where women understand the struggles we go through. As a SAHM (11 hours a day), I don't have many mommies who can relate. Most of my mommy friends work full time and have very different stresses of their own to work through.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •