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Thread: What to do when secret weapon isn't working??

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    5,910

    Default Re: What to do when secret weapon isn't working??

    I understand your fear but the studies show that adult-baby sleepsharing fatalities are NOT caused by an unimpaired breastfeeding mom overlying on baby while sleeping on a bed. Sleep research has shown that breastfeeding mothers tend to be very aware of baby while they sleep, and if baby is at the breast he is typically going to be far away from pillows that might obstruct his airway. The risks (ands there are risks) primarily have to do with other factors. Here is some info to start with so you can research this for yourself if you like: https://www.llli.org/faq/cosleep.html

    I think moms who want to bedshare generally become more comfortable with bed sharing as baby gets older and bigger.

    Ugh, moving. YES get help all the help you can get!

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
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    41

    Default Re: What to do when secret weapon isn't working??

    I've read a lot about safe bed sharing, because it has come very naturally to me from my son's second day of life, but it's the kind of thing that's frowned upon so I keep having doubts about following my gut. Plus, I know the research says I am aware of my baby while sleeping, but I don't FEEL like I am. For example, if I fall asleep feeding him, I'll wake up several hours later when he fusses to get fed again but feel like just 10 mins past and it's all part of the same feed. I have to keep my phone by me so I can check the time and know that he really does need to be changed and fed again. Otherwise I just flop him to the other boob and poor kid never gets a diaper change cuz I don't realize it's been hours! Is that normal? I always wake up to his fussing long before DH does, so I guess I must be responsive, but it just bothers me that I have zero memory of all those hours inbetween. None of my friends bed share much, so I don't know if I'm normal or a very deep sleeper.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    5,910

    Default Re: What to do when secret weapon isn't working??

    I strongly believe momma knows best. Trust your gut for sure! This is a very personal thing.

    I just wanted to make sure you had some support for bedsharing if you want to do that, because there is so much misinformation and scary warnings based on flawed research floating around out there. These scary warnings may actually cause MORE danger because then you have moms accidentally crashing on a couch or chair with baby instead of the bed, and that in fact could be quite dangerous if they are positioned so baby might fall/tip into the crevices or get entrapped between mom and the back or arm of the couch or chair.

    Adults wake several times a night and typically have no memory of it. So I am pretty sure that is normal. If your baby feels like he needs a diaper change, I promise he will let you know. Many babies are fine going a bit in a wet or even poopy diaper. Especially breastfed babies because their poop is not very irritating.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    41

    Default Re: What to do when secret weapon isn't working??

    Thanks for the responses. I hope this is a phase that will pass quickly!

    I can often minimize the daytime crying if I am super on top of helping him sleep the second he could be tired. And I usually let him nap on me so he'll sleep as long as possible. But the screaming during the witching hours before his longest stretch of sleep is almost impossible to avoid. He doesn't cry too much outside of these periods though, so I'm trying to count myself fortunate.
    Last edited by @llli*reading.mom; June 29th, 2013 at 12:09 PM.

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Salt Lake City
    Posts
    86

    Default Re: What to do when secret weapon isn't working??

    Sometimes when the secret weapon isn't working, I give the babies a break from me. I hate to admit defeat, but sometimes someone else is better at rocking them, probably because they have had more practice. I failed to get them to take a nap yesterday at the in-laws, but my husband and my mother-in-law were able to do it.

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*reAding.mom View Post
    I've read a lot about safe bed sharing, because it has come very naturally to me from my son's second day of life, but it's the kind of thing that's frowned upon so I keep having doubts about following my gut. Plus, I know the research says I am aware of my baby while sleeping, but I don't FEEL like I am. For example, if I fall asleep feeding him, I'll wake up several hours later when he fusses to get fed again but feel like just 10 mins past and it's all part of the same feed. I have to keep my phone by me so I can check the time and know that he really does need to be changed and fed again. Otherwise I just flop him to the other boob and poor kid never gets a diaper change cuz I don't realize it's been hours! Is that normal? I always wake up to his fussing long before DH does, so I guess I must be responsive, but it just bothers me that I have zero memory of all those hours inbetween. None of my friends bed share much, so I don't know if I'm normal or a very deep sleeper.
    It's hard to trust your gut, I know! We went through the phases of having the cosleeper, the basket in the bed, and then just putting the babies in the bed because they slept so much better that way. You should have seen me in the beginning feeding one baby, moving her to the basket, feeding the other, and getting her into the basket just in time to get the other one out. For HOURS. Then I put them next to me and they went right to sleep. Crazy.

    But you DO wake up when he fusses again. So you are totally in tune. The best thing for me was to remember that a baby does not want to be crushed. She will do anything to avoid it, and even when they were so little, mine would grunt anytime they were being leaned on. A healthy, full-term baby is able to vocalize concerns. And when mom is healthy, alert, and used to him being there, she can hear him. When I finally realized that I start feeding them at the first sign of hunger, before they even cried, without even fully waking up myself, I knew it was naturally safe.They never have to cry at night, and I'm still basically asleep, even though I have to shift them around a lot since there are two.

    Just last night one of my twins slept almost 8 hours for the first time. When I woke up at 6:00 I was shocked. Then I remembered having fed the other twin during the night. It's a weird feeling, I know. But totally normal. She was perfectly fine and we were all really well rested.

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