Well, it has been 15 weeks since my LO was born and any progress we had made seems to have gone down the drain. That is probably my fault. I gave her a pacifier. Not a lot, just so I could detach long enough to go to the bathroom or get a bottle ready or when nothing else would calm her. Now I was checking on her tongue motion while eating because she was making a clicking noise while on the bottle like she did before she got her tongue tie fixed and it has been getting worse. She was barely making the wave motion at all. We started doing the tongue exercises again tonight and I will give them my best shot. But how long can I go on like this? I can't keep up this pumping schedule. I want to be able to leave the house and not run around like a crazy person trying to make it home in time to pump. I want to be able to visit my family with her that is 10 hours away, but I can't begin to attempt that if it takes 1.5 hours out of every 2 to feed her and pump.
I don't want to fail, but I don't know how long I can keep this up. And I don't know how to deal with the grief of losing this relationship with her. I never wanted her to be a formula baby and I am so ashamed every time I stand in the formula aisle. I hate the pity in my friends voices when they talk to me. I couldn't carry her to term because if my bicornuate uterus, I couldn't deliver her naturally for the same reason. Now I can't breastfeed my child. It's just so painful to me.