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Thread: Weaned? A Little sad

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
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    Default Weaned? A Little sad

    So my 2.5 yr old is basically weaned. We had cut down to only the morning session by the time I had DS2, but he kept waking in the middle of then night thinking it was morning and asking to nurse. I went out of town for almost a week, and used that as a cut off on morning nursing too. He now only asks occasionally. Most times he doesn't ask at all.

    Weaning was in part from the stress of tandem nursing, some from my DH (who is supportive, but DS waking to nurse was becoming taxing on us both), and some from just being ready to only nurse one. I feel as though I am mourning my nursing relationship with him though. Several times I have wanted to cuddle up with him in the bed and let him nurse, which he would happily do! At this point though, my DH would have a fit if I did that.

    I guess since we are at this place, there is no use going back to it. I think I just needed to write this out so that it wouldnt be so heavy on my mind. *sigh*
    FT working momma to a 9/11/10 busy boy and 11/13/12 happy little man.
    Also wife to hubs since 8/23/08, bonus momma to H (girl) -99 and G (boy)-03

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Weaned? A Little sad

    5ofus - you give several reasons for weaning. But then you say you would happily nurse DS except that DH would have a fit. It sounds like DS is not ready to completely wean and I'm wondering whether you are? It's okay to change your mind if it doesn't feel right. And if you decide that this is what you want right now - well, weaning is hard. I think it's normal to mourn it. You've gone about it slowly and with love.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Weaned? A Little sad

    Weaning is a gradual process. Occasional nursing for months is very common and completely acceptable. I understand the reasons, but if he's not 100% done and is doesn't sound like you are either, then nurse on occasion if you're both willing. You can't make a baby nurse that doesn't want to. If they want to, they aren't weaned.

    As for your husband, it isn't about him. Not in the least.

    Big hugs Momma. I know it's tough. My supply tanked during pregnancy so I never got to tandem nurse. There was always a part of me that felt like I had denied my babies the nursing relationship we should have had because of being pregnant. Not that I wouldn't have had their sisters, but that doesn't mean it didn't weigh on my mind.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Weaned? A Little sad

    i think weaning is often a bittersweet process. i've been gently weaning my 2 year old (today!! it's his birthday!!) over the last 4 months since i got pregnant, and especially over the last month i am just DONE. i never really wanted to tandem nurse, i'm really happy he's still nursing at 2, i'm feeling very sad about losing the cuddling time that comes with nursing, but when he latches it is toe-curling and i have to do something extremely distracting to power through it. even the 3 minutes or so that i let him nurse before bed. and i know that that time is going to continue to decrease, because nursing is a relationship and i just don't physically enjoy it anymore, even though i'm not 100% happy about that! and of course part of it is simply the "letting go" that continually happens as our babies grow up and get more independent. when i was pregnant, another mama talked about how raising children is a series of goodbyes, and the "first goodbye" is actually at birth! i really like that sentiment, and i feel like this is yet another goodbye. there were intermediate ones, like when i first went back to work (an hour a day!) and when i first went back full-time which also felt like major "goodbyes". and this one will be too, and bittersweet like all the rest for me. anyway, 5ofus, this is all just to say i'm with you!
    DS1 6/7/11
    DS2 10/29/13

    Nursing, pumping, cloth-diapering, babywearing, working professor mama with the awesomest SAHD ever.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Weaned? A Little sad

    You know.. I came back and read this and reading your response, I realize that I would love to be able to nurse on occasion still. There are lots of times that I don't want to be nursing anymore as well (the older child). My DH is probably playing a bigger role in weaning than I want to admit to, but the fact is that he will make DS feel bad for wanting to nurse. I didn't want that happening. I should rephrase that DH was ok with extended nursing until a little after DS turned 2. I also feel like if I start nursing at all again, DS will ask much more often, and when he is told no in the middle of the night or early morning hours it's a full on screaming fit.

    Thank you ladies... I appreciate your approach with me and I think I need to take a look and see if there is anyway that this doesn't have to be an all or none situation.
    FT working momma to a 9/11/10 busy boy and 11/13/12 happy little man.
    Also wife to hubs since 8/23/08, bonus momma to H (girl) -99 and G (boy)-03

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Weaned? A Little sad

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*5ofus View Post
    I also feel like if I start nursing at all again, DS will ask much more often, and when he is told no in the middle of the night or early morning hours it's a full on screaming fit.

    Thank you ladies... I appreciate your approach with me and I think I need to take a look and see if there is anyway that this doesn't have to be an all or none situation.
    there is no reason at all you can't put limits on DS's nursing - he does not physiologically need to nurse at night, and so i think you can handle this like any other inappropriate request ... you wouldn't give him ice cream in the middle of the night, right? or even something healthy to eat, if you had to get out of bed to get it? keep some water handy to offer, and use whatever parenting strategies you use for other things you need to put limits on. good luck with your decision!
    DS1 6/7/11
    DS2 10/29/13

    Nursing, pumping, cloth-diapering, babywearing, working professor mama with the awesomest SAHD ever.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Weaned? A Little sad

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*auderey View Post
    i think weaning is often a bittersweet process. i've been gently weaning my 2 year old (today!! it's his birthday!!) over the last 4 months since i got pregnant, and especially over the last month i am just DONE. i never really wanted to tandem nurse, i'm really happy he's still nursing at 2, i'm feeling very sad about losing the cuddling time that comes with nursing, but when he latches it is toe-curling and i have to do something extremely distracting to power through it. even the 3 minutes or so that i let him nurse before bed. and i know that that time is going to continue to decrease, because nursing is a relationship and i just don't physically enjoy it anymore, even though i'm not 100% happy about that! and of course part of it is simply the "letting go" that continually happens as our babies grow up and get more independent. when i was pregnant, another mama talked about how raising children is a series of goodbyes, and the "first goodbye" is actually at birth! i really like that sentiment, and i feel like this is yet another goodbye. there were intermediate ones, like when i first went back to work (an hour a day!) and when i first went back full-time which also felt like major "goodbyes". and this one will be too, and bittersweet like all the rest for me. anyway, 5ofus, this is all just to say i'm with you!
    lol and then I read your post and think... maybe I am really done and I just don't want to say "goodbye" just yet What a great way to look at it. This is why I post here Support like this on something that is so new to me. ANd frankly, I am not sure how to go about it. I can't seem to pin down my feelings on it.
    FT working momma to a 9/11/10 busy boy and 11/13/12 happy little man.
    Also wife to hubs since 8/23/08, bonus momma to H (girl) -99 and G (boy)-03

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Weaned? A Little sad



    it's really complicated and personal! for me, i knew from the beginning that i didn't want to tandem - i have enough trouble meeting all the emotional needs in my life - and that helped inform my attempts at timing my 2nd, as well as my perspective on weaning DS during pregnancy. but it's taken the whole last 4 months for me to really get to the point where i'm almost ready to have it be over. physically, i totally hit that point last night. emotionally, i'm not quite there. and i know that it'll have to continue to be gradual for DS's emotional health, so i'm probably looking at another few weeks no matter what. i think it's normal to take some time to process all those emotions (at least, it is for me).
    DS1 6/7/11
    DS2 10/29/13

    Nursing, pumping, cloth-diapering, babywearing, working professor mama with the awesomest SAHD ever.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Weaned? A Little sad

    I agree, it's a very emotional process. I had originally decided that I did not want to tandem nurse, but just kept putting off weaning. We scaled it back, but just couldn't drop that last session. I didn't really want to and neither did he. The day we brought DS2 home, he was hungry right after we got there, and DS1 nursed at the same time. It was a good feeling actually. I felt like DS1 could see that his brother wouldn't be taking me from him. Well my 2 yr old started asking more and more (obviously from seeing the baby nurse) and it was getting harder and harder on me. DH also started being vocal about weaning... and if he sees me nurse DS he will not be nice about it (He knows I don't approve of the way he handles it, but he does so nonetheless). DS1 actually asked to nurse the other day, it was so sweet and I wanted to. I may have to address this with DH, but I don't think he will be supportive in any way. I took the attitude of "it's not up to you" for a long time, and ignored any comments, but now DS will be hearing them and I don't want him feeling bad.
    FT working momma to a 9/11/10 busy boy and 11/13/12 happy little man.
    Also wife to hubs since 8/23/08, bonus momma to H (girl) -99 and G (boy)-03

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Weaned? A Little sad

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*5ofus View Post
    I may have to address this with DH
    I agree. You don't want this to be about DH. It's complicated enough without his opinions muddying the waters.

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