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Thread: Needing to vent

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Central PA
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    75

    Default Needing to vent

    Is it horrible of me to not want my daughter to have ice cream until her birthday? Or cake and other sugary deserts? My fiance's grandmother keeps pestering me about why I won't let my DD have certain foods (such as these). First off babies shouldn't have cow's milk until 1 and correct me if I'm wrong but doesn't ice cream have milk in it. Second she doesn't need these things for nutrition so why would I give them to her. She's a baby. She doesn't need to eat this crap. Thirdly, I'm trying to ensure she eats good food at a young age. I don't want her filling up on crap now or when she gets older. Yes she can have sweets occassionally and in moderate amounts when she is a little older but whats the big deal about me keeping them from her while she is still an infant. And mashed potatoes. They have milk and butter and salt. Does anyone else give their LOs mashed potatoes with all the fixings in them. His grandmother comes from a time when they didn't know as much as babies and their nutrition as we do now. She told me that she would nurse her babies sometimes but also gave them bottles of milk (cow's milk I presume) in between nursings. They also probably (and quite obviously) thought solids were more important than BM (or any milk for that matter). Sorry I'm just a little frustrated at people questioning how I feed and raise my DD at this moment. I've also had my DCP questioning why I wasn't increasing my DD solids as she got older. Apparently nobody seems to understand the importance of breastmilk nowadays other than current or recent BFing mothers. Everybody thinks that once babies start eating solids that solids should be their primary source of nutrition. I remember when I first starting sending purees to daycare my DCP advised me to not be surprised when DD started to not drink as much BM as before. Okay... I think I'm done with my ranting and raving for the time being

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Illinois
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    102

    Default Re: Needing to vent

    Mama...I would say...don't worry about what others say and think. You are the MOTHER and will have the final say in how you feed your child. BM should be the primary source of nutrician up until the age of 1. Solids are complementary. Brush off what others think and enjoy your baby...they grow so fast!!! I also plan to be mindful of what my child eats as he gets older. Now a days there are so many bad foods and sweets that are so easily given to children and that is why we have an obesity eppidemic. I wish more moms would be mindful of what they give their children to eat. A little ice cream and cake here and there are ok but in moderation. IMO
    Happy Mama of 4 beautiful boys ages 14, 10, 7 and the newest member of the family:
    Damian Gabriel 2/13/13 , , twice a day at work, and finally successfully. We never gave up and we are as happy as can be !!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    20,841

    Default Re: Needing to vent

    with the PP.

    You're the mama, and you make the rules. Draw the line in the sand now, make it clear that you cannot be pushed, and that will pay off for years to come. I know it's hard! But it's so worthwhile.

    With the older generations, it can be useful to say things like "Her doctor recommends X". A few short decades so, people treated doctors like the next best thing to God, and they take their opinions really seriously. Sometimes you have to give your child's doctor credit for more knowledge and insight than they actually have... But that's worth it to shut granny up.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Northern Virginia
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    536

    Default Re: Needing to vent

    I have posted about this before -- my family does the same thing. They act like I'm abusing my child by not giving her ice cream, cake, cookies. A few times when I've been having something (ice cream or cookies), my mother says, "Oh, you just can't do things like that -- she's going to wonder why she can't have it!" I said, "I had a glass of wine earlier, and I drink coffee in the morning, should I give her that, too?" I have put my foot down about this but they bring it up every time. I suspect they would even sneak things if I wasn't around. They once bought a cake (and I don't eat grocery store cake anyway!) and then acted all upset that they bought it just for her and I wouldn't let her have any. Then another time my mom baked cookies, even though I said if she did that my DD couldn't have any. Then she acted all sad and hurt. Totally manipulative! The girl LOVES fruit, so why not stick with what she loves? I even make her "ice cream" with frozen bananas, which makes her very happy.

    I do try to make sure I have things like fruit or other "snacks" on-hand to substitute. It might help if you do that. But don't feel pressured. My family eats horribly and have no concept of healthy or nutritious eating. Maybe some of your healthy habits will rub off on them.
    Mom to my sweet little "Pooper," born 10/12/11, and "Baby Brother," born 6/23/2014, and married to heavy metal husband. Working more than full-time, making healthy vegetarian meals for family, and trying to keep up with exercise routine.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Nashville, TN
    Posts
    520

    Default Re: Needing to vent

    I gave up dairy in 1997. Began an anti inflammatory diet in March 2011. Evolved to Paleo in Nov 2011, pregnant Dec 2011, gave birth July 2012. DD is now 10.5 months and gets 95 percent breast milk and maybe 5 percent fruit, veggies: avocado, sweet potato, coconut, peeled apple. I use our vitamix daily and whatever blends into my smoothie she gets to taste. Kid drinks spinach and kale and doesn't even know it. she gets finger sized carrot sticks, butternut squash, sweet potato, etc to experiment with. Needless to say there is going to be NO traditional cake grabbing picture on her first bday. I don't have a history of health probs but cancer and heart disease run in my family and i had inflammation pain in the body for years until 2011. Since going anti inflamm i am at the healthiest of my life and my plan is for her to love good healthy food too. I hope I'm successful.
    1st time mom over 40 to Alex(andra) b: 7/14/12

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    206

    Default Re: Needing to vent

    I understand where you are coming from too. My mom (who is very helpful and watches my son several times per week so I can finish my dissertation) is always trying to give him things off her plate, like chips, pieces of sandwich, etc. I tell her no, he doesn't need that crap, and then she tells him "mommy says you can't have it, but grandma wants to give it to you." As if I was the bad guy not wanting an 11 month old to have potato chips! Ugh. She kept a journal when I was a baby, and apparently at this age my favorite drinks were Pepsi and Coke! Why would you give that to a baby! I was horrified when I read that. I keep having talks with her about how we are giving him healthy foods. Maybe it will get through!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Austin, TX
    Posts
    465

    Default Re: Needing to vent

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*agh717 View Post
    Is it horrible of me to not want my daughter to have ice cream until her birthday? Or cake and other sugary deserts?
    Nope. It's responsible of you to be health-conscious of your daughter's eating habits. I think kids eating habits are shaped very early. My son got to enjoy birthday cake at his first birthday party, and otherwise we've only given him whole fruits/veggies, proteins, and cheerios (fun for little fingers) for solids so far. We don't do anything with added salt, sugar, etc.

    I empathize with how hard it can be to have family criticize your parenting choices. We deal with it around a lot of issues. In this case, can you enlist your fiance to help ward off the naysayers, since it's HIS granny anyway? If the two of you can get on the same page, and he takes some ownership of the choices you are making together around your daughter's nutrition, then maybe he can help shield you from some of the criticism from his family (even if it doesn't make the criticism stop).

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Central PA
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    75

    Default Re: Needing to vent

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*filmmommy View Post
    Maybe some of your healthy habits will rub off on them.
    My fiance and I are not the healthiest eaters. We are also both a little picky when it comes to vegtables (him more than me and he also isn't big on many fruits). I want to instill healthy habits in my daughter so that she will eat more fruits and vegtables than we do. I also want her to be more willing to try new foods more than we may. I know that I need to start doing this also so that she has a healthy eating role model too.

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mercystreet View Post
    Nope. It's responsible of you to be health-conscious of your daughter's eating habits. I think kids eating habits are shaped very early. My son got to enjoy birthday cake at his first birthday party, and otherwise we've only given him whole fruits/veggies, proteins, and cheerios (fun for little fingers) for solids so far. We don't do anything with added salt, sugar, etc.

    I empathize with how hard it can be to have family criticize your parenting choices. We deal with it around a lot of issues. In this case, can you enlist your fiance to help ward off the naysayers, since it's HIS granny anyway? If the two of you can get on the same page, and he takes some ownership of the choices you are making together around your daughter's nutrition, then maybe he can help shield you from some of the criticism from his family (even if it doesn't make the criticism stop).
    This is actually how I am feeding my daughter: mostly fruits, vegtables, and proteins. I try to limit anything with added sugar and/or salt but I do give her those little ceral puffs and yogurt bites by gerber in moderation. I never envisioned some many opinions and criticism being through around once we had a child. Some people (mainly just granny) in our family are pretty opinionated. His parents and my parents respect my wishes and rarely harrass me about them. It is a great idea to have my fiance get on board with me and take some ownership also. I'll have to have a talk with him. Thanks for the great idea. I hope it helps.

    [QUOTE=@llli*mommal;1314904Draw the line in the sand now, make it clear that you cannot be pushed, and that will pay off for years to come. I know it's hard! But it's so worthwhile.

    With the older generations, it can be useful to say things like "Her doctor recommends X". A few short decades so, people treated doctors like the next best thing to God, and they take their opinions really seriously. Sometimes you have to give your child's doctor credit for more knowledge and insight than they actually have... But that's worth it to shut granny up. [/QUOTE]

    This is definitely good advice about drawing a line and the sand and sticking with it. If I give in now it will be a constant battle throughout her childhood. Granny isn't that big on listening to everything the doctors says. If she doesn't agree with something they say she will claim that they are stupid and don't know what they are talking about. Grandma (Great-Grandma for DD) knows everything and the doctors get things right whenever they say something she agrees with.

    As always thanks for the support and advice everyone. I don't really have any girlfriends to talk to anymore so I rely on you ladies to calm me down and give me advice now-a-days.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    20,841

    Default Re: Needing to vent

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*agh717 View Post
    If I give in now it will be a constant battle throughout her childhood.
    Exactly! And it's not just a battle over breastfeeding, or bottles, or solids, or junk food. Eventually it will be grandma showing up with a bag full of toys you don't want your LO to have. Or clothes. Or a cell phone. Or the keys to a car.

    And trust me, you're not the only mama who is trying to face down an over-eager grandma. We all have battles over this and that!
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,476

    Default Re: Needing to vent

    I went through it with my MIL who wanted to give DD1 mashed potatoes and gravy before she was 3 months old. She then proceeded to cry in front of the family at the Christmas dinner table because I "wouldn't let her hold the baby" when I needed to nurse. So much drama!

    DH got her to stop when he asked her if she could nurse the baby. Of course she said no. "Then give your head a shake". It sucks that it had to come to a head like that in front of everyone at Christmas dinner, but there it was. The good part of it was that she didn't bother trying again. If she did try to give them anything, she always asked from then on.

    I wouldn't have chosen for it to happen like that - but it sure was effective.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

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