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Thread: When does this get better?

  1. #1

    Default When does this get better?

    First, I should say I breast fed my son for over 2 years as a SAHM. It was trying but I don't remember it being as hard as my little 7 week old hungry monster I have now! lol I've written on her before and I really appreciate the time to answer my questions.

    I've been reading some moms asking when does this get better?..."my baby wakes every 2 hours to feed, I need a break" but the thing is, my baby has never given me a break for more than an hour during the day and wakes me up 3 times during the night. She doesn't take a pacifier, hates the swing, hate swaddling...she basically uses me as one big paci while I'm home. I am always nursing her....if I do get a chance to take a shower or make a QUICK dinner, it's when my boyfriend is holding her...sometimes crying...mostly crying. She will sometimes fall asleep in carseat for rides but will wake up soon after the car stops. I'm not really comfy with breastfeeding in public, and even if I was, I'd have to carry around with her on me the time because she really is never satisfied. The only real time I can say that I fed her and she was satisfied is maybe in the early morning when I'm full. Other than that, there has never been a moment where she is satisfied and takes a nap. Maybe 15 minutes tops and she is back up crying. My boyfriend thinks I should stop because all I do from the moment I came home was nurse her. It's even hard to give time to my 13 year old and 3 yrs old. I feel really guilty. Every day it seems I talk my self into quitting for the sake of my other kids and sanity but I always end up nursing her when my boyfriend mentions giving a bottle, cos I've gotten to this point...and hoping there is a bright side to this story. I know there is, just don't know when I can actually feed her, and know she will be satisfied take a nap for an hour or two and I can go to the store, take a shower without hearing her crying outside, play with my kids, spend time with my boyfriend....
    I'm asking at what age did it get better.....but the norm for even the mothers that say they need a break, their baby will nap for at least an hour...

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    19,894

    Default Re: When does this get better?

    I know you are exhausted, but your baby's feeding pattern sounds very normal. Except for only being up 3 times at night, which sounds like a dream to me, because my kids woke more like 5-8 times a night when they were that age!

    There is no point when "everything" gets better for every mom. Life with a baby is a moving average- you should expect good days and bad days, but overall your baby should get easier and easier as time goes on. I have a feeling that you're in a difficult phase right now because your baby is going through her 6 week growth spurt- it happens around 6 weeks, not at 6 weeks exactly.

    I felt that my babies got a lot easier around 3 months, when they suddenly discovered the interesting nature of the world around them. They would spend a few minutes trying to eat their own toes or something, instead of needing to be permanently attached to me. Until that point, I felt like we were in the "4th trimester" of pregnancy- the baby was still so small and so undeveloped that she needed me all the time, literally.

    I understand that you want to be there for your kids and your boyfriend, but right now I think they need to turn things around and be there for YOU. Your boyfriend and your 13 year-old need to step up and take responsibility for the house, the meals, and the 3 year-old. You need to be free to get as much sleep as possible, and to master the art of breastfeeding this particular baby. Anyone who thinks a bottle is that answer should get a very cold reception, because that just undermines your confidence.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    Ontario
    Posts
    582

    Default Re: When does this get better?

    Ugh, I've felt your pain! I remember at 6 weeks PP, when I could finally take a tub bath (I had a c-section), passing my perfectly happy, just-fed DD to my husband so I could relax for a few minutes. As soon as I slipped in the water, she was screaming for me..nothing he could do was cutting it! After 10 minutes of not-at-all relaxing soaking in the tub, I told him to bring her to me, and we nursed in the bath. It was really quite sweet!

    Anyways, I do remember things getting a *little* easier around week 10 or 11 - I could prop her up in the corner of the couch (with some stiff cushions, plus we have a deep couch) without her falling over so I could run to the bathroom or get a drink. But honestly, having a baby carrier really saved my sanity -I used a ring sling when she was smaller, then an Ergo. If you can get the hang of nursing in it, all the better! It allowed me to get things done around the house when she needed to be held constantly.

    But truly, moms of newborns with toddlers/preschool kids to care for are just amazing to me -I don't know how you do it! So please, momma, cut yourself some slack.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Nashville, TN
    Posts
    485

    Default Re: When does this get better?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*shelly3578 View Post
    First, I should say I breast fed my son for over 2 years as a SAHM. It was trying but I don't remember it being as hard as my little 7 week old hungry monster I have now! lol I've written on her before and I really appreciate the time to answer my questions.

    I've been reading some moms asking when does this get better?..."my baby wakes every 2 hours to feed, I need a break" but the thing is, my baby has never given me a break for more than an hour during the day and wakes me up 3 times during the night. She doesn't take a pacifier, hates the swing, hate swaddling...she basically uses me as one big paci while I'm home. I am always nursing her....if I do get a chance to take a shower or make a QUICK dinner, it's when my boyfriend is holding her...sometimes crying...mostly crying. She will sometimes fall asleep in carseat for rides but will wake up soon after the car stops. I'm not really comfy with breastfeeding in public, and even if I was, I'd have to carry around with her on me the time because she really is never satisfied. The only real time I can say that I fed her and she was satisfied is maybe in the early morning when I'm full. Other than that, there has never been a moment where she is satisfied and takes a nap. Maybe 15 minutes tops and she is back up crying. My boyfriend thinks I should stop because all I do from the moment I came home was nurse her. It's even hard to give time to my 13 year old and 3 yrs old. I feel really guilty. Every day it seems I talk my self into quitting for the sake of my other kids and sanity but I always end up nursing her when my boyfriend mentions giving a bottle, cos I've gotten to this point...and hoping there is a bright side to this story. I know there is, just don't know when I can actually feed her, and know she will be satisfied take a nap for an hour or two and I can go to the store, take a shower without hearing her crying outside, play with my kids, spend time with my boyfriend....
    I'm asking at what age did it get better.....but the norm for even the mothers that say they need a break, their baby will nap for at least an hour...
    I would say for me it got better at 12 weeks. Otherwise my first 3 months were like yours except more like 10 awakenings per night and a few no sleep nights here and there. I was exhausted and my husband basically did everything. Will she sleep on your boyfriend after she's well fed? Sometimes that was my break. I got her nice and full and sleepy and then put her on DH's chest and she got a nice warm body to snuggle with that wasn't mine. It gave me 15 to 60 min. Not great but better than zero. Usually I showered first! Also he had his own baby carrier and he'd put her in it facing in and go for a walk in the neighborhood. Sometimes that lasted an hour as well. I had to train myself not to be frustrated if he was back in 15. These early weeks are rough, but they're also precious and they don't last forever. Our 10 month old still only sleeps on us so if we want her well rested that's the choice we make. She's napping on me right now while I type this!

    Good luck mama. It'll get better before you know it.
    1st time mom over 40 to Alex(andra) b: 7/14/12

  5. #5

    Default Re: When does this get better?

    Is your baby healthy and gaining appropriately?

    If so, then yes this is normal. Do you have a baby carrier, wrap or sling? Get one that will work for both you and your boyfriend (or get two.) You don't have to buy an expensive product, you can fashion a nice diy model out of a long swath of a breathable fabric. search baby wearing and you will find more than enough information online. A carrier will give you at least one arm free. Most babies do not like to be put down, and will consequently protest if they are expected to nap in a crib or the like. But normally baby will nap very well in the safe arms of mom or dad.

    If baby is NOT gaining well despite nursing so much, then there may be some issues going on.

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