Re: Back to work Anxiety
The PPs really said it all but I will chime in anyway. I had many of the same feelings when I went back to work and one of the things that helped was knowing DD had great, safe, loving caretakers. We have never done daycare. My husband cares for her when I leave for work and 90 min later the nanny comes so he can start work. They both love her and care for her deeply and that just makes all the difference for me. But I also want to address the guilt and how much time I spent with her back then at 12 weeks and now at 10 months. The answer is, most of my free time. At 3 months I was nursing constantly: up till I left for work, right when I got home, all night long. One reason we chose to co sleep, which we've done since birth, is because I couldn't fathom working all day, and then having her spend all night in a crib. It works for some people. Just not for us.
Fast forward to today at 10 months. I still spend all morning, evening, overnight and weekend with her. I don't belong to a gym (I actually workout at home either in the nursery while she plays or I have her in the jogging stroller and I have compromised on exercise by choice), I don't do girls nights out and we don't do date nights away from her yet. We love being with her and we find time for each other. When she was a newborn I used to shower with her right at the shower door in a portable cradle. I have been taking baths with her in my lap since her belly button healed post delivery. Now we have a jumpy swing in the doorway of the bathroom (the doorway is very wide) and she watches me shower and I sing and talk to her. She jumps while I get ready too.
When she was 2 to maybe 7 months I wore her in a sling to get things done. Or I just let everything go. So you see, I get where you are and you can make this work for both of you as long as you accept you are not harming her by being at work.
Honestly one of the hardest things was how much I asked DH for help. Cooking, cleaning, caring for our 3 dogs and 2 cats. Some days DD couldn't leave my arms and it was all I could do to get to the bathroom let alone shower. If I had $1 for every time I've gone to the toilet holding a baby... There were days on mat leave where I'd say to DH, ok she's fed, please take her for 10 min so I can shower and brush my teeth and feel human! I hope you have a husband who is as awesome as mine because he's still doing most everything around the house unless he takes her to play and then I pitch in. You also have family, which is awesome - we do not - so take advantage of that!
I know I jumped around a lot but I will end with this. At 6 months they're SO different and at 9 months SO different again and in my opinion it has gotten easier. DD is still EBF except for a little food experimentation (BLS) but she doesn't need me constantly holding her now as long as she is fed and rested. Oh by the way - she's sleeping on my lap as I'm writing this.
Take a breath. Maybe try a meditation from meditationpodcast.com (they're great, there's one about letting go of anxiety). And let us know how things go.
1st time mom over 40 to Alex(andra) b: 7/14/12