Happy Mothers Breastfed Babies
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 13

Thread: Co-Sleeping

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Illinois
    Posts
    102

    Default Co-Sleeping

    I know this subject is controversial in some parts but I am trying to convince my husband the benefits of co-sleeping. Since my LO has started EBF, which has been the last 2 weeks (he is 8weeks old), we have been co-sleeping and it has been the best thing ever!! During this time my DH has been sleeping on the couch. He tells me he is scared of rolling over on the baby and wishes that I would put him in the bassinet because he is afraid of me rolling over the baby too. He does not mind sleeping on the couch but I am trying to expain to him that this is the most sleep I have every had with any of my babies and we are loving the time together at night Any suggestions??
    Happy Mama of 4 beautiful boys ages 14, 10, 7 and the newest member of the family:
    Damian Gabriel 2/13/13 , , twice a day at work, and finally successfully. We never gave up and we are as happy as can be !!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    11

    Default Re: Co-Sleeping

    Im a first time mom and i co sleep to get sleep, hubby sleeps on the couch and he doesnt mind but when we get a chance (at least we try once a week ) we snuggle together .I came up with that so he doesnt feel left out and I can still bond with my boy .

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    20,653

    Default Re: Co-Sleeping

    This link on safe co-sleeping practices might help convince your DH that it can be done: http://cosleeping.nd.edu/safe-co-sleeping-guidelines/

    It's really interesting to note that the old term for SIDS is "crib death". By definition, it was something that occured when baby slept alone. When a baby co-sleeps with mom, she's generally very sensitive to changes in the baby's breathing, and that may be why co-sleeping may be protective against SIDS.

    I don't think breastfeeding moms are likely to overlay their infants. You're just too in tune with the baby, too alert to the baby's noises and movements. IMO, it's a lot more important to create a safe sleep surface (no mounds of soft bedding or pillows, no waterbeds, couches, or chairs, no voids) than to worry about rolling onto your baby.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    middle of IA
    Posts
    1,885

    Default Re: Co-Sleeping

    yup, i'm with PPs. i cosleep with DS, and DH sleeps in another room. (but we never slept on the same schedule pre-baby either.) but i also know that DH sleeps a lot deeper than i do when i'm breastfeeding, and i'm not as comfortable with the arrangement when he is in bed. i have absolutely zero worry about ME overlaying baby!

    mommal's link is really good. i'll add that you want to make sure YOU are safe - no drugs or alcohol, or over exhaustion that will cause you to sleep deeper than you normally would.
    DS1 6/7/11
    DS2 10/29/13

    Nursing, pumping, cloth-diapering, babywearing, working professor mama with the awesomest SAHD ever.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Salt Lake City
    Posts
    86

    Default Re: Co-Sleeping

    I cosleep with my four-week-old twins. My husband works nights, but on the weekend he spends some time sleeping with us. I usually place them on the other side of me (so that I'm next to him) because he is a deep sleeper and I'm a light sleeper. I really believe in cosleeping. It helps most moms get more sleep and and facilitates a lot of valuable bonding time. It's great for breastfeeding because you can feed more often and more easily. Some studies have shown that it is safer than cribs because the parent's temperature and breathing helps regulate the child's temperature and breathing. And the emotional security is important to me, too. Roll-over accidents are extremely rare and seen mainly in situations where heavy drinking or drug use was involved. Of course, other safety measures should be observed, too. No water beds or extremely soft mattresses. Keep pillows and blankets away from the baby. Avoid sleeping pills and be sure you're not an extremely heavy sleeper. I'm not worried about rolling over on my babies. When you sleep with them, you're very aware of their sounds and movements. I've fallen asleep too close to my babies and when I lean on them a bit too much, they squirm and fuss and I wake up immediately. Babies don't want to be crushed and they're much stronger than they seem.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Nashville, TN
    Posts
    514

    Default Re: Co-Sleeping

    I'm also a first time mom. Next week our DD will be 9 months and we've been co-sleeping since birth. No rollovers. I truly believe moms have the instinct that ensures we protect our babies. Think about it. Is there any other species that gives birth and then carts the baby off to another place and leaves it on its own? Did cave women put their baby in the cave next door? My understanding is that many human cultures co sleep as well and that the crib is kind of an American thing. I will be honest - I didn't think I'd co-sleep. I was so clueless about motherhood. I'm over 40 and thought we were past the possibility of kids so I never thought about child rearing. You know when all my ideals changed? When I gave birth. I looked at her and was so in love and could not imagine separating from her. My husband felt the same way. Even more so when I returned to work. I work full time and can't conceive of how little I'd see her if she was in a crib. But that's my own personal thing. The point is that if you follow guidelines (no drugs, alcohol, meds or anything that would make you unaware) and don't pile your baby in with fluffy pillows and a comforter, you're going to be ok. I was paranoid about the bed linens so I've been sleeping in lightweight hoodies and a nursing tank for 9 months. Keeps my arms and shoulders warm but gives easy access for nursing.

    I want to be honest. My kiddo has always been an all night nurser and getting enough sleep CAN be challenging. But co sleeping is the best way to meet this need. I can roll over and nurse vs trekking to a crib. We both doze off after the wakings anyway. And I know this wont last forever.

    Lastly I want to address intimacy. I don't think co sleeping is the real intimacy killer. It's all kinds of things. Healing from giving birth. Timing - baby needs to be fed, changed, is crying. Exhaustion. The sheer enormous life change that while wonderful taxes you and your patience like never before. My husband and I do find/make time. Before she was crawling we put her in a swing or cradle next to the bed and did our thing. (Some people can't be intimate with a baby right there but we can). There were times if I could get her to crash in the swing it was in the nursery next door and we could hear if she woke w/out even needing the monitor. Now that she's mobile we sometimes work around sleep I.e. we are all in the bed - it's king size - and she's snoozing. Other times she's awake, I get her nice and fed and we pop her into the exer saucer to play. If her needs have been met, then she's content. Yeah we make it kinda quick. It works. Everyone's needs are met. Sidenote sex was still painful for me at the 4 month mark. It was infrequent and I needed an ice pack afterwards. 6 months better, not perfect. 9 months all good. I had a VBAC w/level 2 tear, not horrible but not fun either.

    Here's some reading on co sleeping safety. http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/par...leeping-habits
    1st time mom over 40 to Alex(andra) b: 7/14/12

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    50

    Default Re: Co-Sleeping

    I do the same thing MaeganAlberta. LO is 9 weeks; I am starting to look for a bed rail for extra safety as he gets more mobile, but he moves towards me, not away. You mentioned that your twins sometimes get too close, my son will move to be plastered on my side. After realizing he does this we placed him about 8-10 inches from me and watched him wiggle over using his head and legs until his face was nestled on my breast. He has done this since he was about 2 weeks old I think.
    DS "milk monster" 2/7/13
    Abscess didn't stop us nursing!
    DH 6/26/10 is the best support

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    240

    Default Re: Co-Sleeping

    whist I am a total believer in co-sleeping (did it for 4 years until this past January and sometimes we still do) I don't think this one here is good argument to use

    Is there any other species that gives birth and then carts the baby off to another place and leaves it on its own?
    because roe deer do exactly this (give birth one place, and leave baby elsewhere alone and go off to feed and not retrun for hours) and also hares (not rabbits) and i think some others too deposit their young in high grass and go off for hours on end, and make no nest or cave etc. leaving their young onesseemingly unattended. The reson I know is in the rural area where I grew up they taught us in school never to touch those seemingly abandoned young, as the mother will return eventually to nurse them and wander further with them but if a human interferes she likely will not.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    157

    Default Re: Co-Sleeping

    My husband was also concerned about co-sleeping initially. I think there were two things that convinced him.

    One was that he just got a better rest in the end by sleepin in the spare bed, and me in the big bed with baby. We started that when she was 3 wks, wish we'd done it sooner. can you try to set it up so that he (husband) sees benefits to himself? In our case, it meant no more night time parenting for DH. on the downside, he's really gotten into his nighttime 8 hr without waking, and now I have to nag him to help at all during the night. Even though I'm sick with flu he just acts like it is not his job. So watch what you wish for!

    Two, I read the primary literature (medical journals) on co-sleeping and infant death, and reported to my husband that I could not find convincing evidence of a link. The studies compare the sleeping conditions of infants that died in their sleep and infants that did not die in their sleep. In some studies, infants that died in their sleep were more likely to have been co-sleeping. However, all, or nearly all (I can't remember the details), of the deaths occurred when they were sleeping with someone who had been drinking, or on a couch. Because there are not many incidences of infants dying in their sleep, the scientists have to lump the data together. I.e., all co-sleeping infants are lumped together, regardless of whether they were co-sleeping with a nursing mother on a mattress on the floor, or co-sleeping with a drunk uncle on the sofa. Of course, infants who sleep in cribs are not at risk of a drunken uncle rolling them into the sofa cushion. Do you see the problem with this approach?

    In statistics this is called an interaction effect. There are several different "explanatory" variables (sleeping surface, relationship to adult, adult use of drugs, and co-sleeping). The effect of one explanatory variable on the end result (infant lived or died) depends on one or more of the other explanatory variables. I have never seen a study where this interaction effect was tested. But the authors of these studies are, for the most part, clear that co-sleeping is a problem IF the adult is drunk/drugged and/or IF the infant-adult pair are on a sofa. Not your situation, I assume.

    Ok, if you got this far with the statistics, think to about what it means to do a study AFTER the fact. It would be unethical for scientists to randomly assign babies to parents and then randomly assign the parents to co-sleep or not with their babies. Instead, they have to look at data on babies that lived and babies that died, and something about the conditions they were sleeping in. But WHY did the parents choose to co-sleep with their babies? In many cases, it probably wasn't for the reason you give (easier to nurse) but because maybe they couldn't afford a crib. Maybe they were visiting a relative's house and had to put the baby on a sofa with an older relative because there was no other place for baby to sleep. Maybe mum got drunk and passed out on the sofa with baby and so they both ended up sleeping there.

    Finally, think about what a government or medical association or even a hospital has to do when it gives out general proscriptions to the public. They go for one clear message that will get through to people. For example, Just Say No To Drugs! Co-sleeping is Dangerous! If they gave a message with a bunch of caveats (please don't co-sleep if you smoke, are drunk, have been using drugs, on a sofa, taking sleeping medication, etc) it makes the message sound a bit wishy washy, doesn't it? And it might be harder to convince (some) people to not ever get drunk, than it is to convince them to just set up separate sleeping arrangements for baby. Imagine if they said "Say No To Drugs Except Coffee, Prescription Medications, Over-the-counter Medications! Oh Alcohol is also ok in moderation, but not if you're an alcoholic...." ...well it's not much of a slogan.

    Personally, I am amazed - AMAZED - at the things doctors in the states tell you about parenting, and the pamphlets and propaganda they give out. I met a woman who got a sheet of paper from the doctor saying she should put her baby in his own room and stop breastfeeding at night (WTF???). It is hard to go against those kinds of "rules" because we are worried we might be risking our babies' health and lives. No wonder so few women breastfeed their babies in the states! A month ago at Walmart in Louisiana I met a lady who was broke and didn't know what to give her 1-yr old to drink because her fridge was broken and she wouldn't be able to keep cows milk. She was looking at that Rice Dream stuff. I said you're not nursing then? and she said, No Ma'am. She had two older kids and was already noticeably pregnant again. How many other women like this are getting screwed by BIG FORMULA and BIG PHARMACEUTICALs in your country? Please, Americans out there, question the advice you get, consider the real evidence, and research what people in other countries do. We actually don't have such bad lives Sorry for the rant! Hope the statistical explanation might help your hubby

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Austin, TX
    Posts
    463

    Default Re: Co-Sleeping

    It sounds like your husband's main concerns are safety-related with overlay. What I have found happens with us -- and from talking to other breastfeeding cosleeping moms this seems to be the norm -- is that you lay baby alongside you to nurse, at breast level, which is where baby drifts off to sleep. Mom is sort of "curled" around the baby, with one or both knees slightly drawn up, and with her bottom arm either straight out above baby's head, or tucked under her own head. This creates a sort of nest for the baby -- with mine, he can't scoot too far down because he rests against my thighs, and if he tries to scoot up, he bumps up against my tricep/armpit. This arrangement stops me from rolling onto him -- how can I roll over in the direction of my baby when my arm is there? I think it would dislocate my shoulder :P We keep only a light blanket on the bed, at approx waist level, so this physical space arrangement also keeps baby from nestling down under the blanket or pushing himself up into my pillow. (Yes, very strict cosleepers remove ALL pillows from the bed -- but I simply can't sleep without one, so I have a single pillow, not too fluffy.) The other thing thing that happens is that baby's movements rouse me from sleep, because we are touching -- I'm sure you've experienced this as well already -- so perhaps explaining to your husband how your sleep becomes lighter and more attuned to baby will help him understand that this is not something he needs to fear on your part.

    As far as his fears that HE might roll over on baby -- well, he might be justified in that. Partners simply are not as attuned to baby in the bed as a breastfeeding mom is. If he is a deep sleeper and/or someone who moves around, tosses and turns a lot in bed, then his concerns should be taken into account. Luckily there are some easy solutions to this -- you can push the mattress/bed up against the wall, and position baby between you and the wall (with hubby on your other side), or you can buy a guardrail (you can find them on Amazon for $25-40) and position baby between you and the gaurdrail. This way you are the barrier protecting baby from overlay from another person in the bed. Positioning the bed against a wall or installing a gaurdrail would also address another safety issue that you didn't specifically mention but that might be concerning your husband, which is fall risk -- this becomes a very real issue once your baby can roll and scoot.

    Good luck! Hope the three of you can find a sleep arrangement that makes everyone happy and gets everyone some rest.

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •