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Thread: Conflicted and needs advice!!!

  1. #11
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    Default Re: Conflicted and needs advice!!!

    Tips for nightweaning:
    - Communicate. Before bedtime, say "We're going to sleep. The sun is going to sleep. Mommy and Daddy are going to sleep. You are going to sleep. And (insert your special nursing word here) is going to sleep. We'll nurse again in the morning." In the morning, reinforce the lesson: "Yay! Everyone slept all night long! Now that the sun is up, it's time to nurse!"
    - Have someone other than mom handle the night-wakings, if possible. Babies rarely want to nurse when they're not with mom.
    - Have a sippy cup with water available for night-wakings; sometimes a toddler is genuinely thirsty.
    - Wear restrictive nighttime clothing. Baby may give up on nursing more easily when he can't immediately gain access to your goodies.
    - Be consistent! If you're going to night-wean, don't flip flop. That just confuses and upsets the kid and let's I'm know that if he REALLY throws a fit, he'll get what he wants.
    - Think about your sleeping arrangements. If baby is in his own room, it might help for you to sleep on the floor in his room for a while- that way he knows you're there for him, and you can remind him that "we'll nurse in the morning, but now it's sleep time".
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  2. #12

    Default Re: Conflicted and needs advice!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommal View Post
    Tips for nightweaning:
    - Communicate. Before bedtime, say "We're going to sleep. The sun is going to sleep. Mommy and Daddy are going to sleep. You are going to sleep. And (insert your special nursing word here) is going to sleep. We'll nurse again in the morning." In the morning, reinforce the lesson: "Yay! Everyone slept all night long! Now that the sun is up, it's time to nurse!"
    - Have someone other than mom handle the night-wakings, if possible. Babies rarely want to nurse when they're not with mom.
    - Have a sippy cup with water available for night-wakings; sometimes a toddler is genuinely thirsty.
    - Wear restrictive nighttime clothing. Baby may give up on nursing more easily when he can't immediately gain access to your goodies.
    - Be consistent! If you're going to night-wean, don't flip flop. That just confuses and upsets the kid and let's I'm know that if he REALLY throws a fit, he'll get what he wants.- Think about your sleeping arrangements. If baby is in his own room, it might help for you to sleep on the floor in his room for a while- that way he knows you're there for him, and you can remind him that "we'll nurse in the morning, but now it's sleep time".
    Thats my concern. I want to be firm but i dont want him to be traumatized, Im sure its a fine line, when do i / DO i ever give in??

    Great advice I will definitely try this all out, we co sleep so should Daddy be the one in the middle for a while?

  3. #13
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    21,175

    Default Re: Conflicted and needs advice!!!

    With an older toddler, you don't need to give in for nutritional reasons- it's not like denying him breastmilk at night is going to starve him, right? So you're looking at night-nursing as more of a parenting choice than anything else. I think you give in only if you make the determination that your LO is so miserable, so sad, so distraught that he is not ready to be night-weaned at all for the foreseeable future. If that's the case, you shelve your night-weaning plans, and try again at a later date. I'm thinking some weeks/months in the future.

    WRT sleeping arrangements, I think it makes sense to try diffent things. Some kids can be night-weaned while co-sleeping right next to mom, others do better when they're sleeping with dad or in their own room. I think you just try rearranging things, and hope that it helps.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    5,632

    Default Re: Conflicted and needs advice!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*teeniebeanie View Post
    that seems like the best choice for all of us (my DS and DH included!) Its hard because part of me just wants to be done, all of our friends have formula fed their babies and once a month the moms have a GNO, I cant go until he is completely weaned at night, its hard having the oldest one and still feeling tied down, but at teh same time We know for sure we only want one child and I am havnig a hard time letting go of nursing, once its over its over and I get so weepy admitting that! Tonight we are going to try to only nurse to fall alseep. Any tips for when he wakes up in the middle of the night? Also what signs should I take as "im not ready to cut out my night feeding"??
    I disagree with the idea that moms who nurse their children to sleep cannot ever by out at bedtime until the child is completely weaned. This is a myth perpetuated by a formula feeding society and is not my experience nor the experience of any of the mothers I know who nurse into toddlerhood and beyond. With all my kids I regularly did moms night outs and took date nights with my husband, attended school functions with older kids etc.

    Have you ever tried having someone else gentle him to sleep in your absence? And even if he does not go to sleep until you get home-so what? An occasional late night won't do any harm.


    May I suggest that it may help you to find other moms near you who do NOT formula feed and are still nursing? Many moms who are nursing past one feel very isolated and different that thier peers, even though what they are doing is actually the biological normal thing.

    While I certainly agree that it is OK to night wean or whean altogether if that is what you want, your child is still only 21 months-very young, and his nighttime needs for your closeness and to nurse are normal imo. Also your milk is still important from a health standpoint. Vital? No, maybe not, especially in a developed country where medical care is advanced and severe childhood illnesses are rare. But still important.
    Also I am a little confused-are nights and the one nap the ONLY time he nurses? in that case, night weaning would be encouraging weaning overall-right? Have you tried increasing nursing sessions during the day to see if that has any affect on the nights?

  5. #15

    Default Re: Conflicted and needs advice!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*lllmeg View Post
    I disagree with the idea that moms who nurse their children to sleep cannot ever by out at bedtime until the child is completely weaned. This is a myth perpetuated by a formula feeding society and is not my experience nor the experience of any of the mothers I know who nurse into toddlerhood and beyond. With all my kids I regularly did moms night outs and took date nights with my husband, attended school functions with older kids etc.

    Have you ever tried having someone else gentle him to sleep in your absence? And even if he does not go to sleep until you get home-so what? An occasional late night won't do any harm.


    May I suggest that it may help you to find other moms near you who do NOT formula feed and are still nursing? Many moms who are nursing past one feel very isolated and different that thier peers, even though what they are doing is actually the biological normal thing.

    While I certainly agree that it is OK to night wean or whean altogether if that is what you want, your child is still only 21 months-very young, and his nighttime needs for your closeness and to nurse are normal imo. Also your milk is still important from a health standpoint. Vital? No, maybe not, especially in a developed country where medical care is advanced and severe childhood illnesses are rare. But still important.
    Also I am a little confused-are nights and the one nap the ONLY time he nurses? in that case, night weaning would be encouraging weaning overall-right? Have you tried increasing nursing sessions during the day to see if that has any affect on the nights?

    As far as the GNO goes my husband and I are not drinking any alcohol until he is fully weaned. Its just a decison we both made, So GNO at the bar wouldnt be as enjoyable if i wasnt having a couple drinks.

    I tried finding some nursing moms around me but to be brutally honest I'm a younger mom (25) and all the breastfeeding moms groups and play groups ive come into have snubbed me a bit. most of the moms are in their late 30s in the play groups and they treat me like the baby sitter at first, when they find out im mom there is this lull in conversation. IDK why, so ive given up on that!! And all the younger moms ive met are around 19-20 and didnt mean to be a mom, so they are partying all the time, formula feeding, never spending time with their kids, etc. I am a dedicated stay at home mom who is attachment parenting. I have more in common parent wise with the "older" (not a fair word for someone in their 30s but oh well) But more in common in my interested with the younger crowd, so I am stuck in this gray area!

    He self weaned during the day, except for his nap time nursing. He is WAY too busy for the boob when hes awake haha. So the night weaning would leave him with just 2 nursing opportunities all day. We're on night 3 now of being nursed to sleep but no nursing at night, and he has done pretty well! He woke up 3 times night one cried for a minute or so then went to bed, 2 times on night two cried a little then went back to bed, and just once last night cried for about 30 sec then went back to sleep. I think hes been adjusting well, I think I'll wait to completely wean him closer to his birthday.
    Last edited by @llli*teeniebeanie; April 8th, 2013 at 06:24 PM.

  6. #16
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    Default Re: Conflicted and needs advice!!!

    I think it's hard to be in your age bracket. You're not one of the young party moms, nor one of the old fuddy-duddy minivan moms... But I think you should keep seeking peers and friends among the breastfeeding moms. Be confident! It might feel like the "old" moms are looking at you funny because you're a decade younger, but- speaking as an "old" mom myself- I'm betting that they're just trying to figure out how you fit into the social puzzle. If you just give them time, they'll probably come to appreciate you. And don't be afraid to make the first move in the friendship game- invite someone out for coffee or over for a playdate.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    5,632

    Default Re: Conflicted and needs advice!!!

    Well I don't know what to say about breastfeeding support groups who snub anyone, or treat 'younger' mothers as a babysitter!? How odd. Why would the babysitter be at the breastfeeding support group? Actually I did once have a nanny come to a LLL meeting with the baby, and I of course assumed she was the mom and we were all very confused for a bit! Ha. I have heard of cliquish, unfriendly mommy groups of course.

    I will say that in my personal experience, I found that especially in the early years with my oldest, I needed different groups of mothers that met different needs I had. No one group ever did it all for me.

    Your son has nursed a long time-far longer than most babies are allowed to these days. It sounds as if you are weaning your child gently and gradually. So just to be clear, I am not trying to pick on you at all! It's just that you said you felt conflicted about weaning and I wanted to let you know-that is normal. The weaning process can be quite challenging, emotionally, for both mom and baby. It is normal to have part of you that wants to keep nursing and part of you wondering if it is time to stop. And neither part is wrong and both deserve to be respected and 'heard.' I do think that far too often mothers feel they have to wean their child in order to have a 'normal life', and I guess that is the thing I feel strongly is not at all true. With perhaps a few adjustments, nursing mothers can do what any other mother can do.

  8. #18

    Default Re: Conflicted and needs advice!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*lllmeg View Post
    Well I don't know what to say about breastfeeding support groups who snub anyone, or treat 'younger' mothers as a babysitter!? How odd. Why would the babysitter be at the breastfeeding support group? Actually I did once have a nanny come to a LLL meeting with the baby, and I of course assumed she was the mom and we were all very confused for a bit! Ha. I have heard of cliquish, unfriendly mommy groups of course.

    I will say that in my personal experience, I found that especially in the early years with my oldest, I needed different groups of mothers that met different needs I had. No one group ever did it all for me.



    Your son has nursed a long time-far longer than most babies are allowed to these days. It sounds as if you are weaning your child gently and gradually. So just to be clear, I am not trying to pick on you at all! It's just that you said you felt conflicted about weaning and I wanted to let you know-that is normal. The weaning process can be quite challenging, emotionally, for both mom and baby. It is normal to have part of you that wants to keep nursing and part of you wondering if it is time to stop. And neither part is wrong and both deserve to be respected and 'heard.' I do think that far too often mothers feel they have to wean their child in order to have a 'normal life', and I guess that is the thing I feel strongly is not at all true. With perhaps a few adjustments, nursing mothers can do what any other mother can do.
    Thanks for all your adivce! I wasnt sure if I was doing this weaning thing right and im feeling much more confident in my decision. This thread was also the intro for me to this site (which i wish i would have found WAY sooner I never noticed the forum part) and I love all the advice and help I can get on here!

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