Re: Don't know how I'm going to make it
I feel like I was in your boat to a lesser degree, but maybe can help you adjust your thinking a bit -- I think you're in a rut, which is an easy place to get stuck. I had a hard time in the beginning, as well, and was given bad advice and found little support or help near me. I think what was hardest on me was that I hate being obsessive about things. I like having a variety of interests and try to keep things balanced in my life. But I really felt for a while like I HAD to be obsessed with breastfeeding. It was somewhat all-consuming, especially the first 6 months or so, in that it's always in the back of your mind even when you're not doing it. Every time my family (non-BF people) would visit, they would comment about how I was always BFing and worrying about it and planning our schedule around it. But I think right around 9 months or so, I started realized (or making myself realize), "Hey, she's not starving. She's not losing weight. If she wants to nurse for 5 minutes, then that's what she does. I can't force her to nurse. It is unlikely that she's going to totally mess breastfeeding up with her occasional brief strikes, and if she does, there's absolutely nothing I can do beyond what I'm doing." So it was annoying when she wouldn't nurse for 6 hours, but I'd suck it up and pump once to make myself feel better. It did get easier right around a year, and now it's like second nature. I've said on here before, I felt like things finally got easy at that point, so I wasn't going to give it up then!
I don't know your entire history, but were solids interfering with nursing? Because my LO ate a lot of solids at times but it never seemed to make a difference in her nursing. We always nursed first or she drank her EBM first before her solids. Maybe it's okay for your LO to love solids. I don't think that's the daycare's place to decide -- it's your place! But apologies if you've already mentioned it interfered with nursing.
Sleeping...we're still not doing so well with that, so no advice. But, again, I did start getting used to it. I take naps with my LO on the weekend to try to get some extra rest. If you don't like napping with LO, maybe nap time can be some downtime for you.
Also, can you get a sitter who's not related to you for occasional alone time or nights out? I know it would cost money, but might be worth it once in a while to get a few things done. The thing with the sitter is that if you get a good one, they will want to make you happy -- so you can dictate all the rules. I think with family and even daycare, they often think they need to tell you how to raise your kid. We have a nanny who's young, but we preferred that because she wanted to do things the way we wanted.
Also, I've never done it, but I have a few friends who joined gyms just so they could have some alone time -- they never exercised before but wanted the child care offered by the facility! If you can join a gym it might be a nice way to get some mommy time exercise. You'd just have to feel like you trust the people at the child care. I exercise during my lunch break, but not everyone can do that. Also, jogging strollers, walking...they're all possibilities, even though it's hard to find the time. There's even Stroller Strides, which are exercise groups for mommies.
Condoms are perfectly fine...your DH needs to compromise on birth control. The hormones could cause you other problems besides low supply, as well (emotion swings, which won't help).
I think if you just gave up now, you'd regret it and feel like you threw in the towel too early.
Mom to my sweet little "Pooper," born 10/12/11, and "Baby Brother," born 6/23/2014, and married to heavy metal husband. Working more than full-time, making healthy vegetarian meals for family, and trying to keep up with exercise routine.