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Thread: pressured to pump

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Kaslo BC Canada
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    21

    Question pressured to pump

    Hello, I am new to this forum, but have been greatly helped by reading through some of the threads here. I'm hoping for some advice about when to introduce a bottle. Some background info.
    My lo is 2 months old and we are BF on demand. I have good production, but his feed times have no discernible schedule. He likes to eat a lot :-). My delima is that hubby and mother in law have both been pushing me to pump so that they can help out. Mother in law is VERY happy to have a grandchild and has been pushing for sleep overs since day 1.... I would like to be able to do a bottle of breast milk here and there for dad so that I could go to fire practice once a week, but am nervous that once I start pumping mother in law will really put on the pressure to take baby for longer and longer periods of time. I would not be able to pump during fire practise, but it is usually only 2-2 1/2 hrs once a week. I am also not sure of how well my lo will transition back and forth bottle to breast. We had a lot of trouble in the first months with lo being colicky? Quite frankly I had a lot to (re)learn and although this is my second child, my first is now 16... Troubles include bad gas (much better after I found out about removing certain foods from my diet), difficulty latching (we're OK here now), engorgement, back pain (still working this one out), dad trying to help too much - not seeing that baby was hungry (better now, it took me a while to figure out because lo was crying so much during that time from gas...) and me just not knowing sooooo much (ie. cluster feeding is normal, pumping when engorged = more milk..)
    I would appreciate any advice - I am as nervous about introducing a bottle to the mix as I am about how to deal with over-exuberent helpers.... Also will it be OK for me to not pump during practise?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    Ontario
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    582

    Default Re: pressured to pump

    Congrats on the new LO! It's really kinda funny how many people think that they'd be 'helping out' by feeding the baby, when it actually means a lot more work for mommy! Getting the pump out, finding time to do it, then cleaning parts...much easier to just nurse the baby! That said, by 2 months I think that you'd be ok to initiate the occasional bottle, and the occasional pumping session (most moms do it first thing in the morning). As for going the 2 1/2 hours without nursing/pumping...I would think it'd be ok supply-wise, but it'll depend on your own comfort. You may need to hand express/bring a hand pump if you tend to get engorged quickly.

    As for the overzealous MIL...that one can be tricky. Is your baby nursing during the night? If so, a sleepover wouldn't necessarily be helpful, as you'd probably need to get out of bed and pump anyway! Your baby is still so young, too. You could just say you're not ready to go that long without him. I know I'd get separation anxiety! Perhaps you could suggest that she come to your house and play/cuddle with him while you take a nap? That way she could have the 'alone time', you'd get some rest, but would still be available to nurse without a bottle getting thrown into the mix.

    Good luck mama, and I'm sure others will have some ideas for you!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
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    1,914

    Default Re: pressured to pump

    I agree with everything carm3 says. Just wanted to add I don't think at this point you have to worry too much about nipple confusion with introducing the bottle. Your breastfeeding relationship is well-established. If anything, if you do want the option of DH occasionally giving a bottle, it's probably a good idea to introduce the bottle now, as older babies are sometimes resistant. Not something you need to do every day or anything like that. I agree with carm3 about pumping once in the morning. But I would make it clear to DH and MIL that NURSING is the way baby will be fed 95% of the time. And that you are SO HAPPY to have MIL be involved with the baby but that taking over feedings is counter-productive because it creates a lot more work for you. And definitely no sleepovers. Who wants to get up at night and pump? Which is exactly what you would have to do. There will be plenty of opportunity for sleepovers in the future. But yes, coming over, holding baby, playing with baby - while you take a shower, a nap or just have time to relax - that's great! Also agree with carm3 that for a mom who is nursing on demand, going without pumping for 2.5 hours once a week should be fine. I'd feed baby right before (regardless of when his last feeding was) and right after, and I think a hand pump is a good idea just in case; you can also pump after the post-practice feeding if you're still feeling full. Sounds like you're doing great mama! Welcome to the forum!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    19,889

    Default Re: pressured to pump

    with the excellent advice from the PPs.

    I think you should have a quiet, just-the-two-of-you conversation with your husband and make it absolutely clear that one, you have no interest in making pumping and bottles a routine, everyday part of your life, and two, that sleep-overs with grandma are not likely in the near future. He needs to back you 100% on these two things, no arguments, especially when it comes to dealing with his mom. A son can say things to his mother that a daughter-in-law cannot!

    Carm3 put it so well: feeding the baby is NOT "helping out". It's just more work for you. If your DH and MIL want to help, give them specific instructions for tasks that they can take on. Like doing laundry. Cooking meals. Mopping the floor. Scrubbing the toilets. Those things aren't nearly as much fun as cuddling the baby (which is why no-one is offering to do them, instead), but they are actually useful, and they free you to do what should be your primary concern at this point: taking care of your newborn!
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Kaslo BC Canada
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    21

    Default Re: pressured to pump

    Thank you! I hadn't thought of pointing out how much extra work pumping would be and I'm sure that both DH and MIL will understand that. DH already does a ton around the house and cooks (yes I am very lucky) which is part of why I felt bad about not pumping to let him help out... if that makes sense. I will try
    feeding right before and after practise as well. I still struggle with becoming engorged sometimes with LO feeding so much and then taking long random naps. LO has great weight gain so not worried about feeding so constantly, but with the way lo fights sleep a sleep over could turn into a nightmare, especially the
    next day.... but DH and MIL only see this as more reason to give mom a break........... sigh. Trying to learn and fight old school ideology and help new dad (this
    is his first) on no sleep - I have to say again how helpful this forum has been.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Illinois
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    102

    Default Re: pressured to pump

    Oh mother-in-laws....I agree with the previous posts...baby is way too little for a sleep over and would be more work for you. I pump and BF on occasion and I would MUCH rather BF at night then pump...it sucks to get out of bed at night and put the parts together...pump....then clean the parts...then put the milk away...urgh...exhausting!! And with the frequency of how much you nurse..that would mean getting up numerous times at night to pump....NOT FUN!! Hope it all works out for you...I wish you the best...and good luck with the MIL (lol)!!
    Happy Mama of 4 beautiful boys ages 14, 10, 7 and the newest member of the family:
    Damian Gabriel 2/13/13 , , twice a day at work, and finally successfully. We never gave up and we are as happy as can be !!

  7. #7

    Default Re: pressured to pump

    You can always tell MIL that you don't pump enough to leave the baby for extended periods of time. And, it doesn't really give you a break if you give the baby a bottle because you will still need to go pump to make up for that missed nursing at some point anyways. Just tell MIL that until the baby is sleeping through the night, overnight visits will not be possible but that maybe when your supply is more established and he's nursing well and taking the bottle from DH once a week on a successful basis, you'll re-evaluate her having the baby while you and DH have a date night.

    My MIL used to want to take my kids all the time.. like 2 or 3x a month. We managed 1 time a month and it took me an entire week to get enough for 2 or 3 bottles for her to watch DS1. I just didn't respond well to the pump and then DS1 refused the bottle until about 6mos old. So, definitely make sure that your little one will even TAKE a bottle and can nurse and bottle feed together without issues.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Central VA
    Posts
    177

    Default Re: pressured to pump

    I just let people know that overnights and "feeding for kicks" weren't options with my first. I don't love any adult enough to pump just so they can "share" the experience of baby feeding. I pumped a few times so that I could go to the gym, but I discovered that my son was fine for the hour or two I was gone (from 2-4mo onward). If he got fussy, he usually wanted a walk more than boobs, so my husband would just put him in a sling or the ergo. If that didn't work, he'd walk to the gym/pool and wait for me to come out. If kiddo wanted to nurse when I was done, so be it. He was almost always fine, though.

    I EP (not by choice) for my daughter. Other people get to try to feed her, but we sort of had to train them. Feeding a baby with oral aversions is tricky. And no, nobody takes my kids overnight. I'll wait for the kids to request an overnight and proceed from there.

    Having experienced both a boobaholic baby and a bottle baby, I can tell you that DH would far rather our girlie had refused the bottle and taken nothing but the breast. He doesn't need to bond with a bottle. There are baths and stories and walks.

    Nurse your baby before fire practice and immediately after. You'll be fine.
    Mum to DS (04/07)
    EPing for former 28 weeker (03/12)

  9. #9

    Default Re: pressured to pump

    One thing to remember when pumping and having else someone give bottles is to be careful to not let the experience undermine your confidence. Once they start pumping and baby gets any bottles, some moms find that they worry needlessly about how much or how little they pump and how much baby might take from the bottle. This is not helped if someone says something like “is that ALL you can pump? Baby took X amount from the bottle in 5 minutes! Are you sure you make enough? Maybe your baby needs formula...” or something like that! What a breastfeeding mom can pump and how much a baby will take in a bottle are usually meaningless pieces of information as far as milk production and baby getting ‘enough’ at the breast goes.

    Here is some nice info on how to give bottles that you might need to share with anyone who is bottlefeeding your baby-even someone experienced, because the ideas on how to give a bottle has changed recently. : http://www.llli.org/docs/00000000000...astfedbaby.pdf

    And this is a simple and short info sheet for grandparents of a breastfed baby: http://www.llli.org/docs/00000000000...sbreastfed.pdf

    And one for dad. http://www.llli.org/docs/00000000000...t_partners.pdf

    I think as long as you keep the possible pitfalls in mind, it is probably just fine to have someone else give baby a bottle of expressed breastmilk on occasion as long as that helps YOU. But I agree with the idea that mom is under no obligation nor is there any need in terms of bonding, to let anyone else feed your baby.

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