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Thread: "Big boys don't drink milk anymore"

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Cleveland, OH
    Posts
    525

    Default Re: "Big boys don't drink milk anymore"

    I, too, would have tried to make out like they were joking, but I think it would be a good idea to talk with them and tell them you don't want it brought up again. As much as you verbally assure your son that they are just "being silly", kids are good at picking up on things beyond what we say and he might start to feel the tension around the subject anyway.
    My little man was born 12/17/2010.

    Baby girl was born 4/30/2014.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    5,767

    Default Re: "Big boys don't drink milk anymore"

    I think since your son was in the car, and seemingly oblivious, it was right not to say anything at that point. But it may be a good idea to get them alone or on the phone with your son not there and tell them that trying to shame your child into not wanting to nurse anymore was unwanted interferance in your parenting and really NOT ok.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,475

    Default Re: "Big boys don't drink milk anymore"

    I probably would have been too shocked to respond at the time. Although I would have taken it up with DH afterwards. He needs to be aware of what is being said by his parents to your child. I would also talk to him about if there is a next time, that it is up to him to step up and interject. "Mom, that's not true. He can have his milk as long as he likes."

    I have an ongoing issue with my Mom. She's had some health scares that have resulted in her being overreactive when it comes to food and weight. I've had to step up and tell her to stop making comments about the baby "having a tummy". All of my girls have been solid, chubby babies and very healthy. As they walk and grow, they lean out. Just as they should. It hasn't stopped her from making comments about "what are we going to do about that tummy?"

    My Mom, my problem. His Mom, his problem. That's how we handle it. But saying things directly to my children and attempting to shame them or indirectly bully me into making changes is NOT going to happen. I'm the parent now. Time to put on our big girl pants and advocate for our children.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    California
    Posts
    416

    Default Re: "Big boys don't drink milk anymore"

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*longtalltexan View Post

    Carm3 and Mtmama, usually this would be my instinct too -- to bring it up soon and kindly. However, with my in-laws it's complicated by the fact that there is a language barrier between us -- English is not their first language, and neither DH nor I speak their language well enough to have these kinds of nuanced conversations.
    I'm just confused by this--your husband must speak his parents' language well enough to talk to them, or they must speak English well enough to talk to them in English, right? Unless he was not raised by his parents growing up I can't see how they would not have a common language both could communicate in.

    I agree with the others--I would explicitly tell the in-laws that you would appreciate no further comments on your son's nursing habits. I would also tell your son, when you two are alone, that there is nothing at all wrong with him nursing and you're happy for him to continue to do so.
    First-time mama to Joshua, 10/29/11. 29 months and going strong! for 14 months; now finished with pump weaning!

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    41

    Default Re: "Big boys don't drink milk anymore"

    joshuas.mommy - I know, it seems strange but unfortunately this kind of situation happens more than you'd think in immigrant families. DH and his mom immigrated to the US when he was a few months old, and he was raised partially by her and partially by an adoptive (white American) "grandmother." His parents never taught him and there was no community of speakers around him, so he never learned. If I think it's hard for me, I can only imagine how difficult it is for him, to be unable to talk to his parents about complex things like, you know, parenting.

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,475

    Default Re: "Big boys don't drink milk anymore"

    Ah, but if they have enough of a grasp of the English language to say "you don't get milk anymore" then they have enough of a grasp to understand "You don't get to say that to our son." Your husband needs to step up and not use the supposed language barrier as an excuse.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Piggott, AR
    Posts
    60

    Default Re: "Big boys don't drink milk anymore"

    OK - there are reasons the Lord doesn't put me in many of those situations...I don't do "nuance". I SO would have been less than nice. There are some things that are up for debate and discussion, and just a few that are not. Breastfeeding is one of the latter...so is embarrassing my kids.
    Lori -
    wife to Davis, my best friend and strongest supporter
    43 yo mom to 3

    Lee Allen Christopher - 19 - precious preemie , all grown up; BF 6 wks
    Connor Ethan - 13 - my red head , ALL boy, ALL the time; BF 14 mo
    Mollie Rhiannon - 5 - my surprise , more fun than I ever expected; BFing, no end in sight!!

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