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Thread: Need major help. Did I mess him up?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
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    25

    Unhappy Need major help. Did I mess him up?

    So my baby is 12wks old. We have had a rough go of it. I started out breastfeeding but was getting stressed so at 4.5 wks I took a break I only breastfed him when I was up to itwhich was 3-4 times a day and I did not pump for the missed feedings. Then he had formula the rest of his feedings Those 3-4 times I would bf him were mostly in the evenings. He started to rely more on the bottle and by 7 wks he was on almost all formula. At this point he was nursing a few times in the evening but only through the letdown because it was faster and once the letdown was done he wanted the bottle. Well I decided at that point that I could see he was about to be done with Bf all together and I wasnt ready for that so I decided to get my supply back up and get him bf more. I want to only breastfeed him again and do no formula. I know it was not smart to introduce the formula but I did and I cant change that. So at 7 wks we started this process of building my supply back up. This are going great and he is nursing alot now. He nurses before every feeding in the evenings and then gets his bottle afterwards. I am pumping at work and bringing home 8 oz now from my 8hr day at work. So here is where things are complicated.

    My baby gets formula during the day at daycare which is what we were doing at home since he was 4.5wks old. Well even then he was having a hard time adjusting to bottles and we finally settled on the Playtex Nursers. He uses them fine at home but the sitter told me yesterday that she needs to get him on more of an eating schedule because he is only eating like 3 oz the whole 8hrs that he is there. And that it is too hard for her to have to feed him every hr and him only eat .5-1oz each time when she has 4 other kids to take care of. She said she has been trying to get him to eat more in a feeding and has tried feed on demand and tried letting him get super hungry to where he is crying so that she knows he is really hungry but she said it didnt make a difference he only wanted like an ounce. I told her I thought maybe he was reverse cycling but she said she has never heard of that. I also told her that he is more of a snacker during the day and he eats like a pig at night. She said she has never had a mom tell her that her baby was a "snacker" and that this cant be good for him and that he is only going to learn to use me as a paci. I told her I didnt know what to do to make him eat more at one time. She said she wants him eating 2-3 oz a feeding. I guess so he will go longer between feedings and free up some of her time for the other kids. She also said that she thinks I have confused him by going back and forth between breast and bottle like I did. I told her I have never taken one day off of bf I just slowed down and he had mostly bottles during that time but was still nursing. She said he acts like he doesnt know what to do with the bottle and doesnt latch well. I told her we werent having really any trouble getting him to take a bottle at home. Sometimes he has trouble but most times he is fine. She also said maybe he doesnt like the formula now since he is having more bm now, but he still takes formula fine at home. I am so confused and upset. Did I mess my baby up? Did I confuse him by going back to bf more now? I am worried that he is not eating enough in a day. I think he is getting about 20-24 oz in a full day. I feel so bad if I have confused him. Should I stop bf and just bottle feed and pump? Is he reverse cycling since he eats the majority of his feeds at night? Is reverse cycling going to hurt him like she thinks it will? I am just so worried and dont know who to go to about these things. Please help! I was so proud of us for going back to bf and he has been nursing so good lately and he is on more bm than formula now and I was trying to get him on all bm and then wanted to be able to only breastfeed in the nights and weekends and do no bottles except at daycare but if he is confused then I dont know if that is a good idea. This jsut makes me want to give up. I have worked so hard and thought I was doing the right and best thing for my baby but it doesnt look like it now.
    Last edited by @llli*norwegianelk; March 7th, 2013 at 07:37 AM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
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    Default Re: Need major help. Did I mess him up?

    Please don't give up. Sounds like she doesn't have a clue about breastfed babies and their normal behavior. I know it's easier said than done but can you find another daycare, perhaps even a nanny? Otherwise, you need to educate this one. Don't stop breastfeeding. She's your employee. She should follow your instructions. If you use that pumped bm, it can be used over at the next feeding, which might free up her time a bit.

    My question is: if you can pump that much, why is he still getting formula? You've made a lot of progress. What's holding up the final push to get back to exclusive bfing.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
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    25

    Default Re: Need major help. Did I mess him up?

    She said in her 8yrs of running her daycare she has never seen one of her breastfed babies do this and never heard of reverse cycling. I am at a loss. I have tried to explain it to all to her but she just isnt buying it. She even said something about she doesnt know why he would be doing this reverse cycling and eating more at night unless that is what I wanted him to do but that it was bad for him.
    There are no other daycares right now that can take 2 kids. We have very few choices anyways She also keeps my 21 mo. old. I am so stressed out about this. I have wanted to stay home since by 21 mo old was born and we have been working up to that and I am actually trying to sell my car now so that I can stay home with my kids but it could be May, June, or the end of the year before that happens so I cant rely on that right now.

    So what I do with the pumped bm is use it at night instead of using formula when he needs a bottle. But I do not have a full supply yet so he still needs more in the evening than what he can get from me so I do give him bottles at night. Usually he is taking 12 oz total in bottles for the evening along with nursing. figure he gets at the min/ maybe ,max 2 oz per feeding from me since I usually can pump 1 oz per side per session. I figured he is getting atleast 16 oz just at home in the evenings and then he take 3-5 oz at daycare. So I use the 8 oz I bring home and then a bottle or two of formula. That way she doesnt have to do both bm and formula. I was just trying to make it easier on her and not have her doing 2 different ways. She makes his formula bottles so she can decide how much to make based on his usual eating habits there and as much doesnt go to waste. I just started taking Domperidone so I am hoping this will give my supply the boost it needs to get back to EBF. I just dont want him to be having a hard time there and be starving all day. I feel so bad about it.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Oklahoma
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    Default Re: Need major help. Did I mess him up?

    Oh gosh. My baby reverse cycles and I've been going head to head with the daycare for a while now. He is over the 50% for weight, thank God, or they'd say I was starving him. He takes anywhere from 1.5-7 oz. during the 8 hours a day that we are apart. He has no pattern to his feeding. It's totally normal. Can you print off some information about reverse cycling for her? Is the daycare close enough that you can nurse him during lunch?
    You are doing the very best thing for him. Keep pushing for him, it's totally worth it.
    A non-granola Okie cloth diapering, baby wearing, sleep sharing, working mom, breastfeeding, plastic recycling mama.

  5. #5
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    Jun 2009
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    5,260

    Default Re: Need major help. Did I mess him up?

    Wow after all your hard work you do not need this stress!

    Well, you have not messed anything up. At all. Lots of babies do not eat well at day care. Often they 'make up for it" when with mom at night. It's perfectly normal and not 'bad' for him. This is nonsense!

    IN any case, your caregiver has made it pretty clear that her concern is the time it is taking her to feed your baby. THAT is the problem-that she does not have time. The problem is not you, your baby, or breastfeeding. Even if you could find another day care, there is no guarrantee the story would not be the same there. However, if that is in any way a possiblity, I think it should be at least considered.

    Here are some suggestions.
    Arrange to meet with your current caregiver at a time that is not rushed or stressful for either of you (on a weekend, for example) to discuss how to solve the problem. Tell her there is no way you are going to stop nursing, as not nursing would be unhealthy for your child. So another solution must be found. You do not need to defend yourself or breastfeeding. You do not even have to talk about how much baby nurses at night-none of that is relevent. If you and your caregiver think baby needs to eat more than 3 ounces of breastmilk while in her care, then the focus of the meeting should be on how to make that happen, not your parenting choices. Keep the focus on what your caregiver is going to do in order to get your baby fed, not on what happens outside of daycare. You could also perhaps show her how you give a bottle.

    Try to find another care situation for baby, even if it means separating the kids.
    Hire a babysitter for baby or find a family memeber who can care baby for at least part of the day (to shorten the day at day care)
    Work part time or flex hours, again, to shorten the day at daycare

    She said she has been trying to get him to eat more in a feeding and has tried feed on demand and tried letting him get super hungry to where he is crying so that she knows he is really hungry but she said it didnt make a difference he only wanted like an ounce.
    When she said she tried cue feeding, what does she mean? For an hour? for a day? for a week?

    "Letting a baby get super hungry" sounds off alarms bells for me. It is certainly not usually a good way to encourage a baby to nurse better, so I cannot imagine it is a good way to get a baby to take a bottle better either.

  6. #6
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    Jun 2006
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    Default Re: Need major help. Did I mess him up?

    Screw that lady. I am sure this isn't helpful but I am SUPER PISSED at her. It's not her baby. She can back right up. You pay her to take care of your INFANT. OH NOES! She has to actually pay attention to him once an hour. There aren't enough eyes in the world for me to roll at her. She sucks and is wrong. And if I were you I would find other care. If that isn't an option you walk right in there tomorrow and tell her to deal with it. She is so NOT In a position to tell you that reverse cycling is bad for your kid. Since breastmilk is BEST for your child, it doesn't matter WHERE in a 24hour period he gets his milk. Stand firm. I don't care HOW MANY years she's been taking care of kids. Have her use google once in a while. It's not like Reverse cycling is a term you made up.

    Way too lazy for formula

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
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    Cleveland, OH
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    Default Re: Need major help. Did I mess him up?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*norwegianelk View Post
    She even said something about she doesnt know why he would be doing this reverse cycling and eating more at night unless that is what I wanted him to do but that it was bad for him.
    Right, because having him keep you up all night nursing is exactly what every working mom wants.

    It sounds like your son is not acting exactly how she expects (eating a certain number of ounces at regular intervals), but rather than admit that she is blaming you. You did nothing wrong. You two should put your heads together to figure out the best way to approach it. I know it is easy to let a "professional" make you feel like you have to do it their way, but this is a joint effort.
    My little man was born 12/17/2010.

    Baby girl was born 4/30/2014.

  8. #8
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    May 2006
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    20,813

    Default Re: Need major help. Did I mess him up?

    There is nothing wrong with the beautiful breastfeeding relationship you and your baby have created together. You have worked so hard for this and you do NOT need this stress!

    I am really sorry that your daycare provider isn't more accepting of your baby as an unique individual with unique behaviors. I suspect your daycare provider is unfamiliar with babies who don't take a 2-3 oz bottle every 3-4 hours because the parents of those babies end up sending their kids elsewhere...
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
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    77

    Default Re: Need major help. Did I mess him up?

    Ugh, sorry your provider is so ignorant about this! Is it a home daycare, or is there someone above her that you can talk to? Maybe she would be more receptive to new information from her boss? As it sounds like you know, but your provider doesn't get, cue feeding is NOT waiting until the baby is crying! I am so angry on your behalf. Don't let her make you feel bad -- she's wrong about this, not you.

  10. #10

    Default Re: Need major help. Did I mess him up?

    Fire her!
    Your baby's behaviour is perfectly normal. Some babies just have smaller stomachs and can only eat a bit at a time, but eats frequently. My baby is one of those. I'd say she outright lying when she claimed to have so many years of experience. Never heard of reverse cycling? Then she must have never cared for babies!
    She allowed your baby to cry like crazy before feeding her? That is just plain cruel and stupid. Do not allow her to do that any more. It's normal for some babies to eat every hour. Even every 45 mins. Perhaps your lo doesn't feel secure with her and hence do not want to feed from her.
    You are doing nothing wrong here. If you'r paying her, she should do as per your instructions, period.

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