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Thread: Pressure to give up :(

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,476

    Default Re: Pressure to give up :(

    One key Momma lesson I learned was to know my audience. If there was something that I needed support on. Or better yet, there was something that I didn't need negative comments on, I'd be careful to limit the topic to those who I'd get the response I needed. If I was in the company of people who were negative about breast feeding, I'd avoid any comments about breast feeding, or being tired or anything else they'd try to relate to breast feeding. Yes, with those people we chatted a lot about weather and politics. If the conversation started to turn at all (and they wouldn't change the topic), I just got up and left with my baby. That simple. Just left. It was just easier that way.

    When I needed a pick me up, I'd come here. The ladies here have saved me more than they'll ever know.

    You didn't mention your Significant Other (SO). Are they supportive? Do you have anyone who's on your side? If so, talk to them about backing you up. Or even running block for you with those who are unsupportive. If someone makes a comment or starts to turn the conversation, or makes a comment - have them step in on your behalf. "That wasn't very supportive." or "I'm proud of her for doing what's best for the baby." or "She's the Mom, it's her decision." or "Well I think you ROCK!!" When negative people witness other's being supportive and positive, they tend to back off.

    Personally, I'd never say "I plan to breast feed to XXX date." The reason why is that they'll remember that. When that date arrives, they'll be all over you like white on rice. I never had a date in mind, I still don't. It's up to US (my baby and I). If WE aren't ready, we're not going to. It's that simple. And really, it's no one else's business. Some arbitrary date, picked out of stress, means nothing to your breast feeding relationship with your baby.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    San Diego
    Posts
    259

    Default Re: Pressure to give up :(

    The evidence for breastfeeding is overwhelming. If they subscribe to the belief that formula feeding is best, thats their choice. Though, from my experience, everyone i know that chose to formula feed from the get go did it for selfish reasons. Perhaps find an irrefutable document highlighting the benefits. when i get confronted with similar opposition, i tell people that im not going to quit just because it will make my life potentially easier. i am willing to struggle and overcome obstacles because its whats best for my LO. Baby humans deserve human milk... Not a laboratory concoction made with milk made for baby cows. If any of these people are struggling with diabetes or obesity, it could be argued that if their mother had chosen to breastfeed, perhaps they wouldn't be facing these diseases. Id rather have a "hippie" mother than be obese or diabetic. Just sayin. I'd also rather be called a hippie than have my child face those diseases. Good luck. You're doing the right thing. And, just because it sounds like they outnumber you that doesn't mean they're right. It just makes them feel safer expressing their rude comments.

  3. #13

    Default Re: Pressure to give up :(

    Thank you everybody, it is amazing what a few kind words can do for your confidence.

    It is mainly my mum and closest auntie (ie the women I spend the most time around) Out of at least 25 babies in the last 30 years of our family, the only ones to be breastfed are my son and daughter (and formula didn't do anyone else any harm...) (can't find the smileys but if I could there would be a roly eye face there!)

    I don't even try to defend breastfeeding anymore as it just gets me stressed and falls on deaf ears. Nothing will convince them that it is anything other than a weird, slightly gross alternative lifestyle choice or at best, an unnecessary act of martyrdom. My OH just wants whatever makes me happy. I just want to be able to say to somebody, "God she was on my boob ALL night last night, I'm shattered" without being told to wean or give formula. I don't know any other breastfeeding mothers so looking for a lll group is a really good idea, I guess there will be a link somewhere on this site.

    Thank you all for taking the time to reply, I know I am just a name on a forum but you really have perked me up!

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,476

    Default Re: Pressure to give up :(

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*beaubaby View Post
    I just want to be able to say to somebody, "God she was on my boob ALL night last night, I'm shattered" without being told to wean or give formula. I don't know any other breastfeeding mothers so looking for a lll group is a really good idea, I guess there will be a link somewhere on this site.

    Thank you all for taking the time to reply, I know I am just a name on a forum but you really have perked me up!
    Yup! That's when you come here. We understand. We've been there, done that and are probably clinging to the keyboard for some support ourselves.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    2,207

    Default Re: Pressure to give up :(

    Hi mama, I agree with amysmom, I think it makes a big difference to be "around" other breastfeeding mothers, whether at a live LLL meeting or here on the forums. I mean, in real life, a lot of women are not fortunate enough to be surrounded by other breastfeeding mothers. But here EVERYBODY is a breastfeeding mama and it really changes your perspective. It's NORMAL to breastfeed! And yes, if you say "baby was on the boob all night and I'm shattered," we will NEVER say you should wean, and if you come on here and say "baby was on the boob all night and I'm shattered and I'm thinking of weaning" we'll do our best to convince you otherwise! So do come here, or to your LLL meeting, and say those things, and we'll be happy to support you! Good for you for continuing to breastfeed despite lack of support from those closest to you. That's a tough thing to do but it's wonderful that you are doing it.

  6. #16

    Default Re: Pressure to give up :(

    i am having the same problem no one except for my older children support me i try and explain all the benefits my baby and i are getting because of bf and my comments are just not that inportant i get comments like "why dont you just give her formula" , "why dont you just stop bf if its causing you problems with your marrige", or your taking bf to serious ext..... im under alot of presure i dont even think there noticing what there doing to me including my husband :'( its healing knowing i am not the only one or that i am weird for thinking what i think

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Northern Virginia
    Posts
    515

    Default Re: Pressure to give up :(

    I am sort of in a similar boat, but I think my family has less influence over me than yours. They live in another state and I, frankly, have never listened to anything they say about anything and it's always been for the best! But my mother has made comments about how I need to stop BFing and should start pumping so she can have milk from a cup. Only 2 people in my 30-some aunts and cousins have ever BF, and I don't even know how long since it was not really discussed by my family. I just take my LO out of the room and BF her away from everyone else if I suspect there will be comments. And if they start up again, I say, "Not up for discussion. I know more about this than you do." Because it's true -- you obviously know more about it than they do.

    Definitely come on here for support. You're doing what's best and you don't want to be pressured again. Parenting is not the kind of thing where you get experience and are an "expert," so I don't know why older family members feel that they are such!
    Mom to my sweet little "Pooper," born 10/12/11, and "Baby Brother," born 6/23/2014, and married to heavy metal husband. Working more than full-time, making healthy vegetarian meals for family, and trying to keep up with exercise routine.

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    2,616

    Default Re: Pressure to give up :(

    I'm sorry you have family who isn't supportive. You know you're doing what's best for your children and there are going to be things in the future where you make the best decision for your family and children and get hit with criticism...
    Nursed my sweet daughter 3 years, 3 mos.

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    North Beach, Maryland
    Posts
    45

    Default Re: Pressure to give up :(

    I'm very sorry you have to deal with this. My mom was the same way at first, so I printed out pages and pages and pages of information from AAP, Kellymom.com, LLL.org, everywhere I could find BACKEDUP information that BF is BEST! And now my daughter is approaching 1 and I plan to continue to BF until SHE decides she's done, hopefully at least until 2, but my husband is not on board, and neither are a lot of my friends (all of whom bf) they swear they are stopping as soon as their kid can walk. They worry what people will think. I on the other hand could careless what anyone thinks. You are a MUCH better person than I am, because I would've told my family to kiss my @&$%#* ass, that until they are supportive of me they can no longer see their grandkids/cousins/etc.....So stick with it!!! YOU CAN DO IT MAMA!

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,476

    Default Re: Pressure to give up :(

    I'll never understand these arbitrary wean dates. They really are arbitrary. What does walking have to do with nutrition and bonding? Name me ONE THING that has to do with the BABY.

    Before I had started breast feeding, I had said that I'd wean when they got teeth. It was out of my fear of being bitten. But when teeth came, it didn't stop us. Not with DD1, DD2 or DD3. But at least I admitted that I was going to do it because of ME.

    I'd like to think that when they hit these arbitrary dates that their bond with baby and their baby's honest NEED for them to continue, they'll continue to nurse and had the same epiphany I had.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

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