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Thread: Stop bad habits before they start...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    West Salem, Ohio
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    Default Stop bad habits before they start...

    DD3 is 13 months and still nursing well, she hasn't really slowed down. Unless there is a lot to keep her active. She loves to go outside and be on the go.

    She is starting to act more and more like a toddler and less like a baby

    She is starting to grab at my shirt and pull on it when she wants to nurse. I'm hoping that you ladies have a few suggestions for me that may work to teach her not to pull my shirt down. (She is also very stubborn, she has taken to messing with the electronics and after trying to tell her no and move her away I've starting smacking/tapping her hand, and when she is done being heartbroken she goes right back to pushing buttons )
    Mother of 3 beautiful girls, and expecting baby number 4 in July

    Elisabeth ~ 9/25/07
    Eliana ~ 1/08/09
    Elivia ~ 1/22/12 ~ EBF

    with all 3 still

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    21,266

    Default Re: Stop bad habits before they start...

    Teach her the sign for "milk": http://lifeprint.com/asl101/pages-signs/m/milk.htm When she comes to you looking to nurse, make the sign while asking her if she wants to nurse (or whatever your special nursing word is). Praise her if she repeats the sign.

    For electronics, the best thing you can do is to put them out of baby's reach. Put them behind doors, cover the cords and outlets. IMO, smacking/tapping only teaches kids that hitting is okay. If you don't like the idea of your kid smacking another child when her toys/space/snacks are threatened, don't teach her to hit.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    5,754

    Default Re: Stop bad habits before they start...

    I agree with mommal, baby proofing includes getting anything you don’t want baby to mess with out of baby's reach-and sight, preferably.

    Are you tapping buttons around baby?

    Baby is not being stubborn. She is imitating, which is how children learn. If you don't want her to do this, you could try to limit your use of electronics around her.
    When redirecting her to something else-a toy, banging pots and pans, whatever, play with those things yourself. She wants to do what you do.

    She also wants and needs your near constant attention. She looks like a 'toddler' but she is still very much a baby in terms of needing mommy to play with her, snuggle her, read to her and just in general pay attention to her. I am not saying this is easy.

    Do you have friends with kids of a similar age? The toddler years are really challenging. I found it vital to have regular adult contact via regular playgroups, play dates, park dates etc.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
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    240

    Default Re: Stop bad habits before they start...

    I totally 100% agree with lllmeg and mommal.

    Teach her a sign or find some simple word for nursing (my son was so verbal at that age he would actually say open bra and I was glad no one understood (came out as open bah), later I taught him a word I was happier with, anything she can do as an alternative, and tell her each time she does the pulling - ask her do you want to nurse or make the sign - but it will take a while, lots of patience.

    Re electronics: put them away / out of reach asap, you cannot win this battle because it really is not a battle - meaning this is not about "will she ever learn to obey me?" - but rather about she wants to do what you do. Tapping her hand is not a good solution for the reasons mommal explained. This may be difficult to convey to MIL or others but it works better in the long run.

    I would add that for us using distraction was the key and not only with electronics (in addition to removing them out of reach). If he reached for something I did not want him to have (he learned quickly to climb on chairs or open cupboards even with childproofing on doors), I offered something else instead, some activitiy involving us both. Ideally something not in the same spot - eg I would say lets go into the other roomo and see what we can find to do, so she does not see the "forbidden" object any longer.

    You do not need in fact a lot of expensive toys - try offering her plastic storage containers, wooden spoons, plastic bootles (empty), even apples to roll on the floor.
    at this age my son loved to empty kitchen cupboards, so I filled him one in the kitchen to empty with stuff safe for him and he would spend ages emptying it and putting everything back in side.

    This is not always that easy (to offer distraction rather than punishment) but I find that it paid off to try and avoid those absolutly fruitless power struggles. Now that he is four I reap the benfits of those hard times.
    Last edited by @llli*mammi; February 27th, 2013 at 05:04 AM.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    Default Re: Stop bad habits before they start...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mammi View Post
    Re electronics: put them away / out of reach asap, you cannot win this battle because it really is not a battle - meaning this is not about "will she ever learn to obey me?" - but rather about she wants to do what you do.
    So true! Especially with very young toddlers. They just. don't. get. it. that there's this special class of objects that they aren't supposed to touch. For them, EVERYTHING they see is a plaything or something to be investigated. Doesn't matter if it's your iPhone or your expensive china or a bottle of bleach or a piece of cat poop- in a toddler's eyes, it's interesting and needs to be explored.

    Put the stuff that you don't want touched away until your LO has a better grasp of language and you can reason with her, and you won't end up in a constant and unrewarding battle of wills.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    West Salem, Ohio
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    Default Re: Stop bad habits before they start...

    We don't have a spot to hide the electronics, no doors or available high spaces. I guess that I will be busy keeping her distracted Her sisters turn up the volume and play the XBox so I see what you mean on how she just wants to do the same . She is already smacking at people, mostly my husband if he hugs me or the kids. And everyone laughs and keeps up what they were doing so she will smack them again I get the urge to yell at my girls when they engourage her to do bad/mean things, I can't seem to get them to understand that soon she will be able to hurt them...

    I don't have any friends that I see often and they don't have babies. My time belongs to my children, I don't usually get to go potty on my own , other than nights if I stay up to be on the computer and watch a show. But then I still have all 3 DD somewhere around me I ran away this evening to soak in a bath while baby was happy and DD2 came crying at the door because she wanted to be with me

    Sometimes its hard to remember that they aren't as old as they look and sometimes act. My 4 year old stresses that she is a big girl, not little, and I usually treat her like one. But earlier today she made a face as she started to cry at her sister that looked so much like a toddler. It made me think that 'preschooler' is another word for toddlers who are starting to be big kids but aren't there yet. (Sometimes I get caught on ages and what children are "supposed" to act like, or how well they should obey for their age...)
    Mother of 3 beautiful girls, and expecting baby number 4 in July

    Elisabeth ~ 9/25/07
    Eliana ~ 1/08/09
    Elivia ~ 1/22/12 ~ EBF

    with all 3 still

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    5,754

    Default Re: Stop bad habits before they start...

    oh sorry sugarfoot, I forgot you had older kids. Yes playgroups become very hard in that case!

    how old are your older kids? one is four-how about the other? Are they are old enough to help you entertain their sister appropriately? My boys are 6 and 9 and I regularly employ them to entertain baby so I can make dinner or something. I still have to take her into the bathroom with me.

    Maybe more limits on the electronics for everyone would help. We have a tv cabinet that keeps that stuff out of sight and out of mind. Best furniture investment I ever made. I have friends who cover it with a pretty sheet or tablecloth when not in use.

    My oldest son would haul off and smack me at this age, and it was not something he learned from anyone. I remember feeling so shocked and hurt...what was weird is it did not happen during times he was upset- I think he was really just experimenting. I would take his hand and caress my face and his face and say 'gentle touch' but it took a awhile to get through that stage. My second son bit me instead. Fun times!

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