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Thread: Lost it at ped's office, totally upset & need support

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    108

    Default Lost it at ped's office, totally upset & need support

    First of all, I wanted to say that I don't know how I would have managed to get as far as I did with nursing, was it not for the support of my local LLL leader and all of you, wonderful ladies.

    Sorry if below is long, but I want to give the full story.

    My daughter is 15 months old and doing great, but she is small weight-wise (oscillates between 1%-4%, but staying on her grown curve). She is growing really well length-wise (45%) and is otherwise developing great. My mom tells me I was also very slim as a baby (and I was formula-fed).

    I work full-time, and I stopped pumping about 3 months ago. She gets 2-4 oz of frozen breastmilk from my stash during the day (though somedays she doesn't even ask for it), and eat solids. She is somewhat of a picky eater (it takes her a while to warm up to new foods), so her repertoire is somewhat limited. Also, she is a grazer, she never eats large portions (again, according to my mom I was, and still is, the same way).

    We cosleep and she nurses 3+ at night. On weekends she also nurses 4+ times during the day.

    So today, at her 15 months check-up the pediatrician asked me if my daughter is sleeping through the night yet. I should have lied, but I felt weird doing it, so I said, no. She then proceeded to tell me following:
    • my daughter should be sleeping through the night (it's bad for her that she is not)
    • she doesn't eat enough during the day because I nurse her at night
    • my daughter would start eating larger portions of food during the day if I don't nurse her at night
    • my daughter would eat fatty foods (e.g. avocado, butter, peanut butter) that she currently rejects during the day if I stop nursing her at night


    I completely lost it. Maybe it's also because I've been contemplating night-weaning her myself (and feel guilty about it). But the logic of what she was saying just didn't make sense to me.

    At the last appointment a different doctor at the practice told me that I *have* to push and get my daughter to accept drinking whole milk (she never liked it, but likes drinkable yogurt). Now this one tells me to night-wean because that would increase my daugher's weight. When I told her that I don't need a lecture on sleep and parental advice she insisted that this is *medical advice*.

    I got super-upset and started arguing with her (bad idea, right?) I guess I'm just looking for some support. I feel pretty sh*tty about myself and the whole situation.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    240

    Default Re: Lost it at ped's office, totally upset & need support

    You don't need to feel sh*tty about yourself. You are doing a great job and giving your daughter all she needs.She stays on her own growth curve and as you were the same phyisaclly as a child you know it is not anything to do with bf.

    Maybe it is better that you "lost it" and were able to vent it rather than go home and not being able to express your anger. have to go an kame dinner now but please please DONT FEEL BAD YOU ARE DOING GREAT

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    21,149

    Default Re: Lost it at ped's office, totally upset & need support

    You know what? In a couple of years, you are going to take your skinny kid in to the pediatrician's office, and they are going to CONGRATULATE you on everything you did to "save" your child from the epidemic of childhood obesity.

    I am really sorry your doctor gave you bad parenting advice- and it WAS parenting advice! Just because you're in the medical field does not mean that all your advice is automatically medical advice. It's entirely normal for your LO to not sleep through the night, and night-waking will not damage her. (nor will night-weaning, if that's what you choose.) And nighttime nursing is not going to prevent your child from eating a good daytime diet. That's just wishful thinking.

    Just ignore the doc and keep on keeping on. And maybe look for a new pediatrician- you don't want to be locked in a adversarial relationship with someone who is supposed to be taking care of your kid!
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Austin, TX
    Posts
    44

    Default Re: Lost it at ped's office, totally upset & need support

    I understand exactly how you feel! Our ped told me that if I wasn't trying hard enough to get Monster out of our bed and if I should just let him scream. Because we all know how great it is for your child's development to allow him to scream so much that he breaks out in a rash and throws up everywhere.

    I finally told her that I come to her for medical advice and not parenting advice. When my high needs child decides for himself that he's ready to stop nursing and to sleep by himself, then that's when we'll start. Not a moment before. Would I love to be able to be in bed by myself? Absolutely! But right now it's totally not worth the screaming and not sleeping. And lo and behold, he just started sleeping through the night, without nursing. Still has to be in bed with us, but at least he's not nursing all night long.

    Then she tried to tell me that I'm spoiling him and letting him get his way, thus creating a horrible brat. When it's time to put a jacket on because it's cold outside, then there's no compromise. It's Mommy's way. And he has no problem with that. But when he's obviously afraid of the dark and gets hysterical and then refuses to sleep, it's his way. And why can't it be his way when it comesto HIS sleep?!

    And don't even get me started on the milk thing... I hate milk. My husband hates milk. Then why in the world should I force my son to drink stupid cow's milk?! He drinks and eats yogurt, plus loves his leafy greens. He gets tons of Vitamin D and calcium else where. And did I mention we live in Texas, so we're always pretty much outside? And no, I'm not giving him extra vitamins... Because when he wants to, he'll eat his weight in veggies! ARG!

    So, in my opinion (for what it's worth), you're doing great. We were just at the ped yesterday to discuss Monster's eczema, so this is fresh on my mind as well. When my son falls completely off the growth curve and looks like he's starving and then stops meeting his milestones, then yes I want her advice. Until then, she can stuff it.
    *Micah*

    Ready to be again!

    and and

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    WV
    Posts
    184

    Default Re: Lost it at ped's office, totally upset & need support

    if it feels right to you--do it! you sound like me; doc told me the same stuff and i've just started lying!
    Taylor Don 10/24/98-11/22/98
    Katie Elena 8/24/11

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    1,710

    Default Re: Lost it at ped's office, totally upset & need support

    It doesn't really matter whether it's technically "medical" advice or "parenting" advice, if it's bad advice or even just advice that conflicts with your parenting choices. Either way you don't need to take it. A good doctor would be looking to work WITH you, not dictate to you. Can you look for a new ped?

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    44

    Default Re: Lost it at ped's office, totally upset & need support

    ((HUGS))
    Sorry you had such a bad visit. That can be so frustrating. I can completely relate! I had several of those style of visits with several Drs over the years. Its unfortunate how uneducated many of them are. Your doing great by allowing her to continue to nurse and helping to fill in some of the nutritional gaps from the picky toddler diet. If you are intersted in nightweaning Dr Jay Gordon has a great article, however i would be reluctant to night wean a slow gainer, I would be concerned you may see even slower gain and potentially a loss.
    You could look for a new pedi but not many are bf knowledgeable. I only use drs for medical things. Breastfeeding, nutrition, sleep etc those aren't medical things.
    Hope you feel better.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Central VA
    Posts
    177

    Default Re: Lost it at ped's office, totally upset & need support

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommal View Post
    You know what? In a couple of years, you are going to take your skinny kid in to the pediatrician's office, and they are going to CONGRATULATE you on everything you did to "save" your child from the epidemic of childhood obesity.
    Yep. This is exactly what has happened with my rather slender son. They freaked out on me when he wasn't even *on* the charts (but he was on a steady curve) for two years. Now? It's all, "Wow, he's so strong and healthy and trim. Glad you keep him active." For years, I just happily referred to him as my statistical outlier.

    OP, as long as your daughter isn't getting dehydrated during the day, I wouldn't worry, particularly if she still nurses quite a bit at home. The charts are a curve. Someone has to be off the charts (bottom or top) and someone has to be in the first (or 99th) percentile, otherwise the rest of it doesn't work.
    Mum to DS (04/07)
    EPing for former 28 weeker (03/12)

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    652

    Default Re: Lost it at ped's office, totally upset & need support

    I agree that the doctor was giving parenting advice. All kids are so different and you can't just force something upon your child when they aren't willing. My son was 10% at 15 months, still night nursing and nursing during the day. We might weaned night much later and he still woke up in the night until he was 3.

    He also wasn't a huge fan of whole milk so I did start making him high fat smoothies that he loved and that helped him to gain a little. I just worried because he was so tall and so skinny. He is healthy and average at almost 3 and a half.
    Ds 9/09 nursed for 20 months

    Dd 12/11 nursing a toddler again

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    108

    Default Re: Lost it at ped's office, totally upset & need support

    OMG, thank you all so much. Reading all of your posts is like a breath of fresh air.
    I was so upset after the visit that I called my mom and just proceeded to bawl my eyes out while my daughter was napping.

    I'm starting to look into switching doctors ASAP; I've been sticking with this practice mostly out of inertia (since they are conveniently located) after the pediatrician I liked left a few months ago, so it's time to find somebody more evidence-based and less judgmental about my (dare I say, not at all radical) parental philosophy.

    @llli*nsm , would you mind sharing the recipie(s) for the smoothies? My daughter really likes drinkable yogurt, so that might be a good way to sneak some extra calories.

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