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Thread: advice needed

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
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    16

    Default advice needed

    I'm a first time mother. And just wonder if I can give you my experience so far and answer some questions I have.
    Ok so I'm 28 1st time mother, full time breast feeding my little DD who is nearly 7 weeks. I'm demand feeding and just going with the flow, not following any books or routines but everything is going fine I guess. She has plenty of dirty and wet nappies and has gained weight consistently; around 1/2llb a week. she is a good feeder and has been from day one, no problem with latch, I do have an over supply so try and pump during the night after a feed to combat leaking and I have gather a good back up in the freezer.
    I still am not 100% if I'm doing the right thing. Like how many naps should she have during the day, because I'm demand feeding I'm not following a time so I get confused when I read people talking about timings and baby has a bedtime of this time and so on. Should I have some sort of pattern?
    Typically a day goes like this,
    she seems to have a nap in the morning after her last feed around 6-7 and may sleep til 10-11 but if I co sleep with her I find she doesn't wake as often for feeds, is this normal, should I have this lie on with her or should I start getting up at her earlier feed.
    after feed we go for walk, she naps in buggy,has a sleep for 2-3 hrs between 3-6 and then has a fussy time between 8-11,usually goes to sleep then and has 2-3 feeds at night,

  2. #2
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    Nov 2006
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    Default Re: advice needed

    Everything sounds totally normal, mama. With a newborn especially, it's easier to think in terms of routines rather than schedules. And even that is going to change near-constantly with such a young one. Their bodies and brains are growing so fast, their eating and sleeping patterns are constantly shifting. You are doing the exact right thing by feeding her when she's hungry and letting her sleep when she's sleepy.

    If you need the rest and it's not interfering with anything else you want or need to be doing, definitely take advantage of it and rest with her. If you want to try and get up, try it and see how it goes. There's no right or wrong answer there, it's just whatever works for you.

    The only thing I'd caution you against is pumping if you have oversupply. If you let your breasts stay full or only pump just enough to relieve discomfort, your oversupply should correct itself. It would also get you more sleep and you wouldn't have the hassle of getting up and pumping. However, if you need that milk you're stashing and it's not bothering you all that much to get up and pump, then keep doing it. Again, whatever is working for you and your baby in your situation.

    It sounds to me like you are doing great. Keep following your instincts, I think they are steering you in the right direction.
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
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    16

    Default Re: advice needed

    thanks so much for your reply. Each week she is changing, and I start to doubt my self. Im also finding it hard sometimes to determine whether she is crying cause she is hungry or tired or just being fussy. Is it right to offer her the breast first or if all other options hve failed. In the evenings she fights the tiredness and it takes a good hlaf hr to get settle her down. there really isnt a time when she is falling a sleep on feeds anymore so I find it hard, I take it she is tired when she is cranky and nothing will soothe her, Is there another sign to say when she is getting tired. I usually try and feed and then play or be active up to an hr after and then see uf she sleeps. should she fall asleep or do I need to help her have a nap if she is fighting it

  4. #4
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    Jan 2013
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    Kings Lynn, UK
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    9

    Default Re: advice needed

    Heya

    It sounds like u & DD have a lovely rhytmn.

    evening fussiness is normal - up until nearly 12 weeks DD would cluster feed/nurse every hour from 3 till 8-9pm. I always nursed him first.

    Thought I might suggest trying to establish a bedtime routine, with a bath. I started one for my DD when he was around 8-9 weeks old & it goes a little like this;
    3-5 nap
    wake then feed
    play for around 1 1/2 hrs
    small feed
    warm bath, massage and sometimes a little story as well (depends how tried he is :-))
    big feed...and he naturally drops off...

    the first few weeks he didn't always drop off & needed a little encouragment from me or daddy but now I definatly think that he knows bath, dim lights ad soothing sing-song/ story means sleepy time. Most nights he sleeps between 6-7 hrs afterwards

    As for the napping unless I co-sleep or let him nap on my chest (thats where he currently is lol!) I find that he won't nap...& than be very unhappy cause he tried. But every baby is different

    hope this helps x
    Last edited by @llli*debbiedewdrop; January 17th, 2013 at 11:03 AM.
    xxx New Mummy to Oaklyn Taliesin-James Ward born 28.8.012 xxx
    xxx there's nothing like a mummy cuddle xxx

  5. #5
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    Default Re: advice needed

    I always went ahead and offered the breast when my babies were fussing. It worked. And if it didn't work, I knew it meant there was something else wrong.

    Evening crankiness is perfectly normal and should start to get better sometime between 8-12 weeks. Many babies cluster feed in the evenings, which helps with the crankiness and (ideally) can help get you at least one nice long stretch of sleep when they finally go down (because their tummies are full).
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
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    Default Re: advice needed

    I offer to nurse first. If that isn't working, we hold him or put him in the baby carrier. My husband is the absolute champ at holding and singing to calm him. Also, if you have "tried everything" and the baby is still fussy you can take some deep breaths to calm yourself and then just keep holding your cranky baby. Sometimes babies just cry, and if they're with a loving adult who is tending to them and reassuring them, there's nothing really wrong with that.

  7. #7
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    Jun 2009
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    Default Re: advice needed

    All sounds normal to me- in fact I find it amazing that you can articulate your daily rhythm so well at this age!

    Personally I think talking about firm bed time and nap schedules for a young baby is just unnecessary. I mean, you can say '8 o:clock is bedtime' and have a routine, that is fine. With our 5 month old, the routine is she gets into her 'pj's' (clean footies and fresh diaper) around the time my older kids go to bed at 8. But after that, whatever happens, happens. I don't start turning on all the lights and blasting tunes and dancing around, but I don't go lie baby down in a dark quiet room either. I keep her with me, read a book or watch some tv, and she usually nurses to sleep, (that is now-she did have a colicky period earlier when she fussed and cried during this time.) Then I or my husband basically hold her while she sleeps until we go to bed, when she usually wakes up which is good because I like to change her diaper once more before we lie down. (This is what works for me, right now-I am not suggesting this is what other moms should do.)

    I figure, what’s the point of stressing about a bed time if baby is not tired right then, or is going to be up at 9 or 10 or 12 o:clock, wanting to nurse? With our older kids, bedtime routines just happened organically as they grew, and by the time they (and my husband and I) wanted/needed them to have a regular bedtime, they did. With very little effort on our part.

    Unless you are actively making your baby be awake when they need sleep, which would require cruelty and you would never do, a healthy baby will sleep when baby needs to sleep for as long as baby needs to sleep. This will change overtime-sometimes daily-and vary from kid to kid.

    Sometimes a baby will fuss to sleep, some suck on their hands, some like to be rocked, or walked down in a sling-etc. etc.! I agree with above-holding a fussy crying baby helps baby, some babies just need to cry for a bit and feel loved while they do so. And most breastfed babies will love to nurse to sleep. It's a great way to gentle a baby into sleep.

    It does not surprise me that the baby wakes less when you co-sleep. It is typical (although of course there are exceptions) for co-sleeping to lead to more overall sleep for both mom and baby. I assume you are familiar with co-sleeping safety guidelines?

    Sounds as you and baby are doing great. Congratulations btw!

  8. #8
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    Jan 2013
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    Default Re: advice needed

    I always offer the breast when mine gets fussy. She always takes it! It can't hurt to offer the breast, so I always start there.

    I have a 9 week old, and I don't follow a schedule with her. It would be useless for my baby, and just make both of us miserable trying to stick to one. My daughter is a fragile sleeper, and hasn't consolidated daytime nap sleep at all, just lots of catnaps! The only thing I do with mine is follow a very limited bedtime routine--right now, that is just to bring her to bed at night with the lights getting progressively dimmer, and encourage her to nurse to sleep. Right now, that works, but I expect it to change as she gets older.

    Every baby is different, and I am a big believer in just letting them signal to us what they need at this age. I, too, am a FTM, but I really do believe our mommy instincts are usually right on. If you are happy and baby is happy, then what you are doing is right!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2012
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    168

    Default Re: advice needed

    As other pp's have said, I always offered (and still do, mostly) the breast first if LO is fussy. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I also don't think there is anything wrong with your baby not have a "schedule." I agree with others that routine is a good thing, but it sounds like you are developing a routine with your LO as you go and that's great. Around 12 weeks (I think, I can't quite remember, but am certain it wasn't before) we spent a few quiet days at home and I just observed him. I quickly noticed that he was yawning, fussing, and other tired signs, at around the same "times" every day (I say "times" because it wasn't clock time, but more 2 hours after he last woke or something, as waking times for the day and from naps varied). That really helped me to get us into a sleeping routine (which we needed because, as I said, he never slept when we were out, so if I wasn't home he didn't sleep). Anyway, I'm a big fan of thinking about routine based on event time not clock time. We wake up and nurse, then get dressed and have breakfast, then play, then.....it isn't based on the clock but we follow a predictable pattern for our days.

    Also, I found that our baby napped MUCH better is I was napping with him until he was about 10-11 months old. Now it doesn't really make a difference, but it sure did in the beginning!

    If you like reading, I found Dr. Sears' Baby Sleep Book to be helpful for developing some ideas and understanding about infant sleep.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
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    16

    Default Re: advice needed

    thank you so much for all your replys, I think Im just going to keep going with my gut and take it day to day. Im happy doing that but often find other people's advice very off putting.As Im the only person I know who has breastfed and first in my family, I feel like I have to keep explaining how breastfeeding works to other people. Im also going back to work in two months, baby will be 4 months [self employed wish I could stay off longer] but I hope to keep breastfeeding asap so thats another reason Im trying to build up a stash in the freezer.
    I agree with another poster the dreaded question 'Is she sleeping through the night? or Is she a good sleeper?, I hate it and two weeks ago when we were in doc for 6week check up, DD woke up and was giving a little cry and a woman asked had she colic??? I felt like telling her where to go, I think people cant tolerate babies crying at all and are always finding a way to get them to be quiet as quick as possible. Sorry probably going off track; and Im sure this is only the start of unwanted comments

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