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Thread: embarrassing question

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
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    240

    Default embarrassing question

    Hi Ladies,
    i have a rather embarassing question. Lately my 3 1/2 old has begun to play with his genitals while nursing to go to sleep. I find it quite disturbing. But I also do not want him to think there is something wrong with him stroking himself so I have not said anything to him. But I am very uncomfortable with it, it makes me think that all the dire warnings were right and that I must wean him asap - what do you think? I should add that even before he started this new habit, I was very ambigious about continuing to bf - sometimes it is just too much, expecially as he wants to feed as soon as he wakes up, and skips his solid food breakfast. I do not mind the eveing routine at all but hat the morning ones.
    He does not bf during the day, becaee i stopped doing it in public or around other people when he was about 2 3/4 years ( he started day care then and it was a natural stopping point for day time nursing). So now we only do it for bed time and when he wakes up (he and I cosleep, his dad sleeps in another room). I think if his dad new about the palying with genitals part he would urge me to stop, so I have not tol him (yet).

    Like so many nursing an over 3 year old no one outside our home knows and so I really do not know whom to ask for advice, not even his dad who is tolerant of the bf but I guess would be shocked to hear about the parallel "actvities". I read in some book that it is normal for 3 year olds to play with their genitals - but while nursing?! Has anyone experienced this?
    grateful for any hint.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    2,538

    Default Re: embarrassing question

    with my son I was adamant from about 2.5 years old that 'playing with genitals' was something he could do all he wanted but that it was a private activity. meaning he could play in the bathtub or in his room but not while I was laying with him or nursing him. I had no real resistance on this from him but I did have to repeatedly enforce for a few weeks before it took.
    Autumn
    Moma to *Silas* 10-30-07

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    6,467

    Default Re: embarrassing question

    I can definitely see how this is disturbing. However as a fellow mother of boys I have come to the (maybe obvious to others) realization that boys of all ages will play with themselves whenever they possible can. I know we unconsciously associate it with sex and that's why it is a hard thing to address, but it's my opinion that he's likely doing it because he is relaxing and sleepy and it feels relaxing and good, rather than a mini sexual agenda

    I agree with Autumn, we make the point that he can play with his genitals as much as he wants but he needs to do it in private. This takes away the stigma of don't do it while nursing and just makes it don't do it with others.
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    1,710

    Default Re: embarrassing question

    I don't think there's ANYTHING wrong with it - it has nothing to do with your nursing him, except in that it's probably two activities he engages in because they are comforting. That said, it is reasonable for you to set limits and say he can't do that while nursing.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    1,950

    Default Re: embarrassing question

    Its probably the same as my DD playing with my shirt when she nurses. FOr whatever reason the other hand has to rub, flick, or roll my shirt, and it is such a comfort to her. I bet it is the same for him, just using his penis instead. I wouldnt think anything sexual of it, BUT I would want to stop that behavior. Maybe as PPs said, teach him that he can do so in his room only, or in the bathroom, etc...
    Mommy of 4,
    3 who I watch over, 1 who watches over all of us

    J- 8/20/05 pumped breastmilk for 11 months due to his cleft lip and palate!

    M- 10/17/07 my precious baby lives forever in her mommys heart

    M- 3/31/09 my special gift, she helps heal her mommy and daddys heart. Nursed for 4 years and 10 days, self weaned the day her baby brother was born!

    E-, new little miracle born 4/11/13, my BIG baby! Born 8.6 at 38 weeks. At 9 weeks nearly 17lbs, at 12 weeks nearly 20lbs, at 6 months nearly 23lbs, at 8 months nearly 25lbs and all from BREASTMILK


  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    21,144

    Default Re: embarrassing question

    with the PPs. 3 and a 1/2 is a good age to start teaching manners when it comes to genital play: it's okay when you're in private or in the bath, it's not okay when you're sitting on someone's lap, nursing, in church, etc. You can redirect your LO's hands with a toy or something.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    240

    Default Re: embarrassing question

    thank you so much for the input. I have tried it today and he thinks it is funny i suggest he should do it in private, he had a real giggle fit. his response was: but we do it together in day care! I had no idea.
    but i will keep at it because i feel so uncmfortable. I know he wants to knead something in his free hand, he has always done it, but it was always my elbow skin folds ( an alternative i taught him instead of my free nipple - something i simply could not handle). Thanks again.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    860

    Default Re: embarrassing question

    "but we do it together in day care!" had me rolling on the floor.
    Your LO is clever and he has a healthy good humor.
    he sounds mature enough to delay genital play until he is in private.
    DD#1 July 1986 VB
    DD#2 April 1988 c/sec
    DS#3 April 1990 VBAC
    DS#4 June 1993 VB
    and suprise!
    DD#5 April 2001 c/sec
    BTDT scars and stretchmarks,: wrinkles and grey hair

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    1,710

    Default Re: embarrassing question

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*esthervegan View Post
    "but we do it together in day care!" had me rolling on the floor.


    This is one of those cases where I'd ask the daycare staff (if I was brave enough to do so), mostly out of curiosity. Three year olds aren't always so "accurate" in their reporting of this kind of thing!!!! But he clearly understands...

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    1,950

    Default Re: embarrassing question

    that comment coupled with the new behavior has me curious...I am sure it is nothing but I would be making an appearance at day care and asking them whats going on. I might leave out the nursing part, but tell them his is playing with himself a lot, and what he said when you reccomended doing it in private.
    Mommy of 4,
    3 who I watch over, 1 who watches over all of us

    J- 8/20/05 pumped breastmilk for 11 months due to his cleft lip and palate!

    M- 10/17/07 my precious baby lives forever in her mommys heart

    M- 3/31/09 my special gift, she helps heal her mommy and daddys heart. Nursed for 4 years and 10 days, self weaned the day her baby brother was born!

    E-, new little miracle born 4/11/13, my BIG baby! Born 8.6 at 38 weeks. At 9 weeks nearly 17lbs, at 12 weeks nearly 20lbs, at 6 months nearly 23lbs, at 8 months nearly 25lbs and all from BREASTMILK


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