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Thread: Breast feeding and sex (or lack of)

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    175

    Default Breast feeding and sex (or lack of)

    So I feel slightly embarrassed posting this, but my libido is zero, less than zero in fact.
    I've read that breast feeding can suppress your desire for sex, are other BFing mothers feeling this?
    It's been 9 months and we've had sex twice.
    I feel guilty as he is as keen as mustard and I really just don't care for it, in fact when he touches my breasts, I'm almost repelled - there I said it and I feel just awful.
    I don't feel less attractive or over weight or anything, and he tells me loves my body - even the extra bits but for some reason sexually I got nothing!

    Am I doomed? He's a guy he needs to have sex soon I'm assuming ha ha - do I just have to close my eyes and go for it and hope it gets easier??

    Or am I just not a very nice wife?

    Anyone else??

    I'm still feeding our 9 month old through the night (10 x last night) and we co - sleep so that doesn't help - any tips?!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    Ontario
    Posts
    621

    Default Re: Breast feeding and sex (or lack of)

    I don't think it's weird for you to not like breast play right now - it can be hard not to associate it with your LO, which can really kill the mood!

    How are things around the house? Are you doing more of the upkeep, childcare, etc? I know I've usually got more energy to be giving when DH pitches in more...

    That said, if you're still not in the mood to go all the way, what about giving a BJ every now and then? Who knows, it might get you in the mood a little more...

    We cosleep too, and pretty much take advantage of wherever we can...the floor, the couch, and sometimes even the bed, if DD is sleeping in her swing, lol.

    If you still got nothing, it might be worth talking to your HCP. Maybe your hormone levels need to be checked or something.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Northern Virginia
    Posts
    596

    Default Re: Breast feeding and sex (or lack of)

    I think that's very normal. I was not only in the mood but we could never find time for quite a while. I actually have deemed breasts off limits for now. My DH seems to be fine with that -- I think he understands they are utilitarian right now! My DH seemed to be as uninterested as I was for the first few months, mostly because it seemed like more of a chore to schedule it in with all the other chores we were trying to accomplish! Napping has been much more of a priority for both us. When my period came back, I started to desperately want sex during the time I was ovulating -- and of course my DH (the workaholic) was usually the one who was too tired on those days! Babies are exhausting, so I say do what you can but don't beat yourself up over it. I guess it might be different for us than a lot of couples, because we were together 11 years before our DD was born. But as long as you're both talking about it and you make an attempt sometimes, I think that's okay. Just make sure the lines of communication are open so your DH understands how you're feeling. Your body goes through so much, it's hard to feel like it's your own for that first year, I'd say.
    Mom to my sweet little "Pooper," born 10/12/11, and "Baby Brother," born 6/23/2014, and married to heavy metal husband. Working more than full-time, making healthy vegetarian meals for family, and trying to keep up with exercise routine.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    399

    Default Re: Breast feeding and sex (or lack of)

    I am not "back in the saddle" as it were after DS #2, but after DS #1 I found that even if mentally I wasn't 100% excited about sex, the more I did it the more I enjoyed it. It was almost like I had to go through the motions in order to feel physically and emotionally ready to do it again.

    Also? I recommend lots of lube, going slow and not always making intercourse the goal. Sometimes just cuddling and kissing can be rewarding and get things moving again, without the stress of the changes that breast feeding makes.
    Ellen

    Mama-surgeon;
    DS Ethan 12/16/2008
    Breast fed/pumped 11 months as a surgical resident, 80 hours a week at work
    DS Abram Daniel 12/20/2012
    Feel like we've gotten a strong start

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    175

    Default Re: Breast feeding and sex (or lack of)

    Thanks Guys - slightly jealous of first poster!
    Nice to hear it can be normal - will give it a go and see how I feel I guess! Ha x

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Central New York
    Posts
    134

    Default Re: Breast feeding and sex (or lack of)

    Hey mama! I think it's pretty normal to feel a little less "in the mood" haha I know that I'm not as into it right now as my DH, but I try to make the effort even if I'm not totally into it. I usually end up enjoying it once things get going, but just making the mental decision to "do it" can be hard sometimes. Boobs are DEF off limits right now for us too!!! DH is pretty good about it I'm sure it will get better, especially once your LO gets bigger and maybe ends up in his/her own bed. Maybe you could go slow and do other things that aren't sex sex, but like PP said, cuddling and kissing, etc. I'm sure your hubby will appreciate your efforts!!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Austin, TX
    Posts
    464

    Default Re: Breast feeding and sex (or lack of)

    Totally normal. I had zero sex drive for the first six months. The desire is only now just starting to come back (LO is 8 mos) but it's still not at "pre baby" levels. I am sure that some of it is due to the sleep deprivation, but I can feel that it is chemical/hormonal as well. I just make sure to check in with hubby about it from time to time so that we are communicating and on the same page with it.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Central VA
    Posts
    176

    Default Re: Breast feeding and sex (or lack of)

    It's definitely normal. Sleep deprivation, lower estrogen levels, being touched out, not wanting to spread your resources too thin.

    Skin to skin isn't just for parents and babies, though. It helps with adult couples, too. Would your partner be up for naked cuddle time with no expectations? That may help you to regain some of your intimacy.

    When you do start having sex, make sure you use plenty of lube--your own natural lubrication may not be so plentiful . And having a makeout session may help you get in the mood--if you don't want to be fondled right away, say so. With my first, I really felt touched out. My husband learned to just not push me. A nice kissing session often led to a lot more if he didn't immediately try to speed things along by sticking his hand up my shirt or in my pants. What worked for us for quickie sessions pre-kids didn't work when I was postpartum with my first kid.

    This time around I'm the one with the insane libido. I still want some good kissing as foreplay, though. I don't care if we have a 5yo and a baby, I'm not always ready to go, even if my mood is.
    Mum to DS (04/07)
    EPing for former 28 weeker (03/12)

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