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Thread: Did I make a mistake? Nursing to sleep/co-sleeping

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
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    Default Did I make a mistake? Nursing to sleep/co-sleeping

    Hi there, DD is 3 months and has been cosleeping and nursed to sleep since she was born. When I tell people this I get the ole " your gonna regret it", " you will never get them out of your bed".
    I don't necessarily mind she's in our bed but I do eventually want our bed back. Her crib is in our room but she wont sleep for long in it. And nursing her to sleep doesn't seem to be a problem.... Yet. Any opinions on this?

  2. #2
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    Oct 2012
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    Default Re: Did I make a mistake? Nursing to sleep/co-sleeping

    I have struggle with this too. I don't tell people we cosleep because I don't want to deal with the reactions : ) I'm such a wimp!!

    I have decided that I'll know when it's time for LO (5 mos) to move to her own sleeping space if I listen to my "mommy heart". I really think that when the time comes, DH and I will come up with a plan for a gentle transition and it will all work out. I treasure our nights together and can't imagine moving her now. Anytime the transition occurs, it's going to take some planning and effort so why rush it? Good luck deciding what is best for your family. I know it isn't an easy decision!!
    mom to four energetic kids ages 6,7,8 and our newest arrival born 8/14/2012

  3. #3
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    Dec 2010
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    Virginia
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    Default Re: Did I make a mistake? Nursing to sleep/co-sleeping

    We have been co-sleeping with DS1 since birth... I also get those comments on a regular basis. The main offenders were my MIL and a woman I work with. I tuned it out for a long time, and now my response is simple : they are little for such a short period of time - there will soon come a time when they don't WANT to sleep in your bed with you. You will miss it!!! Kids are made to grow up so quickly in our society, what does it hurt to let them sleep with us? Or nurse to sleep? I don't think it's causing our kids to grow up and not be responsible adults because of it. If anything, it is providing them the security they need to grow in other ways. I love co-sleeping and I feel this is a parental decision. If it feels right to co-sleep and nurse your baby to sleep, then do what feels right, momma. Your intuition for your own child is what will work best for you and your family.

    ETA: My bonus son slept with us a lot since he was 2.5... he started sleeping in his own bed at around 3.5 but would still climb in bed with us on rough nights. He will be 10 in a few days and sleeps in his own bed, but he knows that if he has a bad dream, he can always find comfort in our bed. I do miss him sleeping with us!!! lol even though we now have another 2.5 yr old in there and a newborn in a co-sleeper bassinet
    Last edited by @llli*5ofus; January 11th, 2013 at 01:14 PM.
    FT working momma to a 9/11/10 busy boy. Not quite weaned, but slowly getting there.
    New little one born 11/13/12 nursing great and making us all smile! Back to at work , , and LO finally enjoying

    Also wife to hubs since 8/23/08, bonus momma to H (girl) -99 and G (boy)-03
    Our family blog
    And my own blog - my avenue of release these days!

  4. #4
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    Jan 2012
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    Default Re: Did I make a mistake? Nursing to sleep/co-sleeping

    I also thought I was doing something wrong, and I do feel bad that my DH sleeps on a mattress on the floor (his choice, instead of using the bed downstairs). But it makes my life so much easier, plus with a full-time job it's more time I'm close to her, since I'm away all day. My childless cousin had the most complaints -- people just have these things ingrained in their minds and think it's a "rule of life." My parents lived by all those strict rules told to them my their parents (didn't nurse, not "spoiling" us with attention), no doubt, and I did not feel close or connected to them much growing up, nor did I feel self-confident or have good self-esteem growing up. No guarantees things will be different with my LO, as environment is only part of it, but with nursing and co-sleeping I already feel close to her.

    My LO sleeps in her crib for the first part of the night, so you could try moving her crib to another room and just seeing how long it takes until you have to bring her in. I have to say, the other night when she kicked me in the eye, followed by elbowing me in the same eye the following night, I was starting to be a little tired of co-sleeping. She's also head-butted me many times by crawling over half-asleep and slamming her head onto mine. But I'm not looking to change it soon. I just keep hoping one night she'll just stay asleep in her crib longer than an hour or two.
    Mom to my sweet little "Pooper," born 10/12/11, and married to heavy metal husband. Working more than full-time, making healthy vegetarian meals for family, and trying to keep up with exercise routine.

    with #2, due mid-June. Will I ever sleep again?

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Did I make a mistake? Nursing to sleep/co-sleeping

    You aren't doing anything wrong, and when the time comes that your sleeping arrangement isn't working for you, you'll change it. Why worry now, when your baby is so tiny? Don't bother trouble from nosy and opinionated people. If you act confident in your decisions- I love 5ofus' "You will miss it!" response- then people will be less apt to shower criticism on you.

    FTR, I slept with my first LO until 6 months and my second until 1 year, and they both are now great sleepers who NEVER come into our bed unless they are really, really sick or have a terrible nightmare or something.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Did I make a mistake? Nursing to sleep/co-sleeping

    I find that it is often easiest not to get into specifics of my sleeping arrangement with folks I know are just looking to criticize and offer their own personal "right" way. When people ask about our sleep, I just say we're getting plenty of it, and usually the subject drops.

    That said, most people I have shared sleeping arrangement specifics with seem to let it be when I confidently explain that cosleeping has allowed my husband and I to actually get an adequate amount of sleep, and that we like having her with us! My daughter is in a growth spurt right now, and wanted to feed pretty much every hour for much of the night last night--I would have been a zombie today if she wasn't right there with me.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Did I make a mistake? Nursing to sleep/co-sleeping

    It's not for everyone given the realities of our modern life, and it's not always easy. But don't let anyone every tell you you're WRONG for doing it. Sleeping with mom is how human babies are DESIGNED to sleep, based on thousands of years of evolution. If it's working for you, ignore the naysayers.

  8. #8
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    Nov 2012
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    Default Re: Did I make a mistake? Nursing to sleep/co-sleeping

    I will admit that when my brother and SIL had their first and were bed-sharing, I thought it was a little crazy. But I kept my opinion to myself. Then when I had my DD and managed to nurse her laying down, and saw how much better we all slept than when she was in her bassinet, I thought it was a lot less crazy, lol. I don't usually volunteer the info that we sleep together unless I know the person is supportive. And we all know that everyone's favourite question to a new mom is 'is she sleeping through the night yet?' My answer is usually pretty close to @sonogirl's.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Did I make a mistake? Nursing to sleep/co-sleeping

    I have 3 girls. 4, 2 and almost 11 months. I have coslept with and nursed to sleep all 3. DD1 and DD2 are in their own beds, in their own rooms now. I have no doubt that once DD3 is old enough and ready, she'll move to her own bed in her own time as well.

    There was no struggle. I don't regret a minute of it. I the time I was able to give my girls, lulling them off to sleep sweetly and warmly, safe and content.

    People that make those comments have no idea what they're talking about. I'd wager that none of them coslept or breast fed their babies. I ignore unsolicited advice from people who have no experience.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

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