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Thread: Really Struggling

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
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    12

    Default Really Struggling

    My baby is 1 month old today and has been ebf since he was born. We have had a bit of a rocky road getting through this first month and I am now disheartened that it is still proving to be difficult for us. I really hoped that by a month in we should know what we are doing by now!! How long has it taken others to get to grips with it? I really don't want to give up but I can't go on like this!! It seems once we get one thing fixed another issue pops up to ruin it all.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    Ontario
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    622

    Default Re: Really Struggling

    Hang in there! My LO is almost 4 1/2 months old, and I'm only just starting to feel like we're getting things under control. We've had latch issues, tongue/lip tie issues, thrush, vasospasms, distraction issues...it has felt like a rocky road for sure, and I'm finally pretty much pain free. I just really wanted to be able to nurse my daughter for as long as she needs it, and to be able to have breastfeeding as a parenting tool as she gets older. So I kept going. And I couldn't imagine giving up the closeness and the bonding when she nurses. Things that really helped me get through were going to LLL meetings, talking to my local leaders, seeing a LC, talking to other moms, and reading the forums here. These ladies are great and truly supportive. Can you describe some of the issues you're having? The moms here would be happy to offer advice and support. All I can say is, it's totally worth it to plug through, and to finally be able to say that it's going well!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
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    110

    Default Re: Really Struggling

    Hi and welcome! And congrats on your new baby.

    I think it is probably different for every mama. With my two girls it has taken 3 months each time to get nursing established. But even once it's "established" well, things can still pop up, like you say, that create rough patches. With my first daughter, she couldn't latch so I had to pump for 7 weeks, had mastitis a few times, had to supplement, had to use a nipple shield, etc., but by 3 months of age that was all sorted and it was smooth sailing! from then on. This time, again pumping for 6 weeks, weight gain issues, and then she decided to only nurse one side because my other side basically has no nipple and she didn't like it, so we had to transition to using just one breast. Then we had almost 3 good months, and now we're having issues with pain because she chews on me and bites me and the flow overwhelms her so she pops off and on while still latched. I didn't mean for this to be so long, but just to assure you that it's normal to have "issues" for longer than everyone leads you to expect. And things can still get smooth. And there can still be rough patches. But it's worth it. Good for you for persevering! And I would say to head to an LLL meeting if you can, like the PP said. Those are super encouraging for me, one of the highlights of my month.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
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    miles from nowhere
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    11,108

    Default Re: Really Struggling

    Hi there. Congratulations on your new baby!

    Most moms find the first 6-8weeks to be the hardest. You're not only learning how to nurse, if it's your first baby you're also dealing with everything that comes with getting used to being a mother. It's tough, whether you're nursing or not. But in the long run, once you've got it figured out, nursing really does make things so much easier. It's definitely worth sticking it out those first couple of months!

    All that said, can you tell us a little bit about the problems you're having? We may be able to help make things a little easier on you.
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
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    296

    Default Re: Really Struggling

    My baby is 7.5 months old and I remember the 1 month point well. I thought I might give up, too. We also had a very rocky beginning after she was hospitalized the first week of life and I had production issues, lots of pumping and supplementing, then transitioning back from the bottle to breast, it was a real battle. I KNEW I couldn't go on like that. We didn't leave the house for the first month other than to go to the doctor because nursing was such a difficulty. But it got better. A LOT BETTER. I remember feeling like around 6 weeks things were improving. By 3 months, we were pros. You just have to stick with it. I bet you feel like you're turning a corner pretty soon. Your baby is one month old but you have many, many months of a very relaxed and wonderful breastfeeding relationship ahead of you. Truly, quite often as I nurse my baby to sleep or comfort her with nursing when she's not feeling well, or when I'm able to feed her while were out without thinking about bottles--I feel so grateful that we hung in there. It is SO WORTH IT.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!
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    17,465

    Default Re: Really Struggling

    No one is out of the woods before the 6 weeks point. No one. And if you have it down by then you'd be very very lucky. MOST people are in it for the 1st 6-12 weeks. And while it seems very hard and overwhelming while in it, long term it's a VERY VERY short time to invest in the long term health of your child and your overall bonding. Not to mention a tool in your parenting box that will be 2nd to none for as long as it's there. Hang in there. And let go of your unrealistic expectations. At this point, feed the baby. That is all you realistically should be goaling to get done. It takes most dyads way longer than a month to get this figured out. Especially if neither person involved has ever done it before. Stay focused. You can do this.

    Way too lazy for formula

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    21,131

    Default Re: Really Struggling

    with the PPs. It's way too early to think that you and your baby "should" have breastfeeding mastered. I wish I could give you a definite point in time when everything turns around, but that point comes at a different time for all mamas and all babies. With my first baby, nursing was an awful slog for the first 4.5 months. With my second, it only took us a couple of weeks before things were going really well. I'm not sorry I hung in there with either baby: no matter what the initial investment in breastfeeding is, the payoff is HUGE!

    We love helping moms with specific issues- so if there's any one issue or bunch of issues that you're struggling with, let us know and we'll do our best to help!
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Posts
    12

    Default Re: Really Struggling

    Thank you everyone for the replies! It really helps to hear that we are not the only ones finding it a struggle. Reading through the replies I can see that actually compared to some of you our issues are relatively minor. We struggled with latch to start with and I ended up with sore nipples. My left is more inverted than my right and is still quite badly damaged now which is made worse by the thrush we are now experiencing. I am overproducing in one breast more than the other and have a forceful letdown which baby struggles to keep up with. We are trying to get these few things sorted and your support and encouragement are helping me to carry on and not give up so thank you! Glad I found this site I will also be attending my local LLL meeting again this month!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    296

    Default Re: Really Struggling

    No matter what "issues" you have, be they major or minor, I think feeling like you're struggling at this stage is very, very common. And it gets harder to struggle like that as time goes on because you're getting more and more tired and it can be hard to see progress so you get discouraged. But it won't be like this forever, it will get easier I promis. You're doing great, just keep going, keep working hard and doing the best you can. You will get there!!

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