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Thread: how to handle critisizm after yr

  1. #1
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    Jun 2012
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    Default how to handle critisizm after yr

    My MIL loves our baby very much & only wants the best for her, I'm sure. I just need some moral support, & any advice on handling this or even some scientific literature supporting breastfeeding beyond the first year. It's approaching, and she consistently says that when she turns a year old, she'll drink only cow's milk and eat 3 solid meals a day and snacks. I'm frustrated. I even prefer almond milk, coconut, soy, but usually we drink 2% because that's what DH prefers. MIL asked will we be giving 2% soon. I said no, probably whole first, because of developing brain of babies. We visit there at least once a week, and I need to know how to handle this. I'm always told to use a guest room to bf, and even though I NIP, it seems our family/company prefer not to be exposed to the possible nipple or whatever, baby is quite distractable during feedings, anyhow. I don't know how to handle this situation. I want to continue past a year, not sure how long, wanted to maybe even do BLW. Baby does love food enthusiasticly, so everyone assumes it will be very simple, except I admit I'm a little worried about the whole situation as she is growing up too fast! I appreciate any opinions or points of view you all have, as I love this forum with all the great info on here!

  2. #2
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    Jun 2012
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    Default Re: how to handle critisizm after yr

    Not sure I posted this in the right thread, or not. Just some background, when we do visit her grandparents, baby want to eat when we get there, then before dinner, she east some pureed dinner with us, then she wants to breastfeed again after dinner, and then before we leave so she can make it in the car ride home (she hates her carseat now). So just not breastfeeding while we're there doesn't seem like that would work. I'm not ready to be done, either, but she's really pushing and I don't want to make it a fight. Other family members are also somewhat discouraging. No other family members on either side breastfeed long (if at all), so we've made it much longer then them. Sorry so long, but I appreciate any other input.

  3. #3
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    Jun 2012
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    Default Re: how to handle critisizm after yr

    So tell her obviously if she had been breastfed she'd be smart enough to know that babies need the nutrition from breast milk, and reap benefits well past the first year.
    Then add that if bothers her so, she can wait until your baby is done weaning to see her.

    ( That's what I would say anyway. Tee hee )
    Desmond Ringo Payton [5.31.12|8 lb 14 oz|22 in.|blonde|blue|beautiful|BACK TO BREAST 6.25.12]

  4. #4
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    Default Re: how to handle critisizm after yr

    Here is a ton of literature about the many benefits of nursing past infancy for both baby and mother. Share it with your MIL if you think it will help. Though I think for most people, their discomfort about nursing past one has nothing to do with the baby and more to do with their own weird hangups. I think most of the time more knowledge doesn't actually help. It may come to the point where you have to tell her that your baby's nutrition is your decision, that you and your husband agree, you are supported by your pediatrician, and it's not up for discussion any more. Or perhaps you should let your husband tell her that. You need to get him on board supporting you when these conversations come up, maybe even tune out and not participate and let him deal with his mother while you get on with doing what's best for your baby.

    Ultimately, you are doing what's best for your child. If she continues giving you a hard time about it maybe spending less time with her is what's needed?
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

  5. #5
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    Default Re: how to handle critisizm after yr

    I say nurse in the guest room if you can deal with it, since it's one area you can easily avoid a discussion or argument, but you make the decisions about how long to nurse and what to feed your baby. I actually enjoy taking my baby into a room to nurse with no explanation -- just say, "Be back soon, bye." Then there's no chance to ask what I'm doing in there. I never understand why people would prefer to see a baby fed with milk made for a cow over milk made for a human. I give my baby some cheese and yogurt, but it's not to replace my milk. Dairy is not necessary if a baby is nursed and eats a balanced meal with plenty of protein, fat and gets out for enough sun. You clearly know best so do what you think is right. You'll find ways to deal with the criticism -- it seems like we all do these days! But there are lots of good links on KellyMom about extended nursing (and everything!) that might help you.

    http://kellymom.com/bf/concerns/mother/criticism/

    http://kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/ebf-benefits/

    But I've found that no matter what evidence you have, people think what they want to think. I could give my family article after article about why sugar isn't good for babies, but they still try to make me give her cookies EVERY TIME I see them, and have even started sneaking food to her when I'm not around! You have to do what's best for your baby.
    Mom to my sweet little "Pooper," born 10/12/11, and "Baby Brother," born 6/23/2014, and married to heavy metal husband. Working more than full-time, making healthy vegetarian meals for family, and trying to keep up with exercise routine.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: how to handle critisizm after yr

    Oops, still.here beat me to it with the same links. Well, they're extra important, I say!
    Mom to my sweet little "Pooper," born 10/12/11, and "Baby Brother," born 6/23/2014, and married to heavy metal husband. Working more than full-time, making healthy vegetarian meals for family, and trying to keep up with exercise routine.

  7. #7
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    Jun 2012
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    Default Re: how to handle critisizm after yr

    True story.
    People bother me at work because mines7 months old and their wives stopped at 6 weeks.
    Desmond Ringo Payton [5.31.12|8 lb 14 oz|22 in.|blonde|blue|beautiful|BACK TO BREAST 6.25.12]

  8. #8
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    Jun 2008
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    Default Re: how to handle critisizm after yr

    I think still.here is exactly right; there's a ton of information available if it's worth the time it takes to find it and share it. For me, the idea of someone telling me what my baby will or won't eat or drink at a certain point would probably make it hard to do much besides laying down the law in terms of whose decisions those are--I would probably not be all that concerned with offering information at that point (but that's me). I would focus more on establishing that boundary at this point, since it sounds as if your MIL has pretty clear ideas about what "is" going to happen, and her assumption that that falls to her to decide would be more troubling to me than her misinformation about nursing.
    Last edited by @llli*mumtothomas; January 2nd, 2013 at 01:31 PM.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: how to handle critisizm after yr

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*gwendlynsmom View Post
    I'm not ready to be done, either, but she's really pushing and I don't want to make it a fight.
    Why on EARTH would it be up to your MIL when you wean your baby? It's not her decision, at all. It sounds like there are some boundary issues if she thinks she has any say in the matter. She should be ASKING you what you want to feed DD, not TELLING you what you are going to feed DD. It almost sounds like from your quote above, you would let her talk you into weaning when neither you nor your baby are ready, just to avoid an argument with your MIL...maybe I'm misunderstanding what you said, I hope so. It is NOT HER DECISION. If you don't want to wean, then you don't wean. If she says anything about it, you change the subject or tell her it's simply not up for discussion and that this is what you are going to do. It is possible to say that in a friendly tone of voice, that still doesn't allow for any possibility of further discussion. You say with a smile, "MIL, DD isn't ready to wean, and neither am I. We'll wean when she's ready (or when ____ (fill in the blank with whatever you've decided)). I don't really want to talk about this any more, I've made up my mind". That isn't aggressive but it does get your point across. Just don't let her talk you into weaning if it's not what you want to do! Good luck!
    First-time mama to Joshua, 10/29/11. 29 months and going strong! for 14 months; now finished with pump weaning!

  10. #10
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    Mar 2012
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    Default Re: how to handle critisizm after yr

    I'm sorry you have this stress. I think you should have your husband champion for you. you have enough to do with the nursing. luckily for me my sister nursed her girls until they were 3+ so my family is not an issue. my husband's on the other hand have a lot of opinions and not just about bf. I always take my LO to another room as we get a better feed in that way. he is nearing his first birthday and I'm worried about the comments starting. we already get a lot of parenting advice from a SIL who is older and never had children. we've devised a subtle signal so that he can step in. my lo is not interested in food but already there is questions about ice cream and milk. I tell them no since we have a lot of food allergies in my family and I want to give him th best chance. our closest in laws are an hour away & I even go upstairs when they are at our house. I'm super comfortable in public around friends and my family but not the in laws only 1 family bf and my DH has a HUGE family. good luck try to find a balance and try not to let it get to you. I know that's easier said then done.

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