weaning 28 month old with a 1 month old

[@llli*5ofus]

Hey ladies... I never thought I would be here, but I guess it's time. I am very pleased with how long we have nursed and I am very torn at times on weaning. DS1 has no real interest in weaning. We are down to only mornings and nursing to sleep at nap time (I am not back to work so that is only weekends). DS asks to nurse at times still and we use limits of only in the morning, and then distract. THe problem comes in that we co-sleep, so DS2 who is 7 weeks will be nursing and DS1 will wake up and get upset because he is nursing and he wants to. This is usually around 3:30 in the morning or so.

I am not sure if I am doing this right. It breaks my heart to tell him no, but I know if I go back on some of the limits that have been set it will just makes things harder.

I am weaning because I just don't want to nurse 2. And I am getting a lot of pressure from DH to wean and although I have told him that bfing is up to DS and I - he makes comments to DS that I feel will be more hurtful than ending bfing. Honestly, with having a newbie, it's hard for me to find the time to nurse the 7 week old and nurse the 2 yr old and still get things done in the house that can't wait- like dinner.

I might just need support, I'm not sure. I am just having a hard time emotionally making this transition and finding the right things to say to my 2 yr old when he looks heart-broken.

[@llli*djs.mom]

Have you tried nursing them both at the same time? At 3:30am? Having them both in football hold?

[@llli*5ofus]

No, I sure haven't. I know I could.. but we put the limit on no nursing at night when I was pregnant. DH started bedtime and we night weaned. I allowed him to nurse in bed one morning on wake up and the next 5 mornings he woke up super early asking to nurse. Previous to that he would sleep the night through. Once he figured out he wouldn't get to nurse that early he went back to sleeping till 6-6:30 as normal. I am afraid opening that door again will just put us a few steps back on fully weaning.

[@llli*djs.mom]

I understand. I am just thinking about how he probably feels like someone just stole his mother and that being forced to watch your nurse your noob in a space where he was being previously being denied presumably so you could SLEEP....would be especially hard. Is it possible for you and the baby to go be in a separate sleep space? So that he isn't disturbed? And that if he does wake your DH can simply put him back to sleep without him SEEING you giving the new baby what he can't have?

[@llli*5ofus]

That is pretty much the issue when he wakes at night... and I am not concerned so much with sleep, I get enough to function and that's all I need right now. My LOs well being are more important to me than a little extra sleep I may need to do just that. If DS1 wakes and doesn't see DS2 nursing, it may not be such a big issue. The last few mornings have been better, but this morning DS1 woke after I was up for work, saw DS2 laying in bed in my spot and got upset. He definitely is feeling like I have taken from him to give to his brother. Not my intention at all and what I had feared he would feel.

An upside is that I have gone to bed with DH, DS1 and 2 a couple of times and DS2 will lay in his co-sleeper and go on to sleep while I can read a book and snuggle with DS1 He enjoys that so much and I think it helps.

[@llli*manitobamommy]

I hear you. I just went through a similar thing last summer with DD1, though she was a bit older. I didn't actually force the issue, and had resigned myself to tandem nursing (which I hadn't wanted to do) because I didn't want her to associate the weaning with the new baby. We talked a LOT though about what was going to happen when the new baby came, how the new baby needed to nurse to eat, so she would get priority. When the baby arrived, DD1 weaned herself suddenly shortly after the baby was born. She seemed fine with it, but since the summer she's been progressively having more trouble with tantrums, and while she is very sweet with DD2, she's been showing signs of hurt/jealousy (wanting to be picked up, getting upset when I have to go deal with the baby, etc.). I've wished a few times lately that she was still nursing because it would really be handy to be able to comfort her that way right now - she often rejects other forms of physical comforting. And honestly, because it would make me feel better too. I'm not totally sure that the sudden weaning itself is the source of her distress (she claims not to remember nursing, and that that was something she did "when she was a baby"), but it might be at least partly a factor. Making it work with siblings is just hard, I think. I think the key is to stress that the baby really needs it for food, etc., and make sure he knows he is still loved and gets physical comfort and attention in other ways to make up for it (that's the part I'm struggling with - not the love, obviously, but the attention).

[@llli*5ofus]

I have tried talking to DS about nursing, and he does pretty good at hearing me out. I think it's partly my fealing guilty for not wanting or being able to give him all that I did before with a new baby. And I am very much with you on wishing I could just nurse him at times because it's a tool that has ALWAYS got him through. I appreciate the support... this is tough and I wish I could give to both kids all that I wanted to!

He did well this morning, we did nurse in bed on wake up, but I think that this will work for us now that I am back to work. I also nursed the baby out of the room at his 4am wake up instead of in bed in case DS1 woke up. I had to leave the room anyway to get him changed since he wet through onto his sleeper Love when that happens. lol

My mantra needs to be - we will get through this... lots of love, affection and consistency will get us there. This is all new territory for me as no one in my life has ever nursed other than my bf who lives across country. And she did warn me to wean before baby comes (months before) if I didn't want to have this issue...but then, it still could be an issue, you just never know how kids will react!!