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Thread: D-MER

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
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    291

    Default D-MER

    Does anyone else here have this?

    I read this website and completely identify with this feeling. Does anyone know of good solutions? When I'm nursing at home, I find that really focusing on my baby or finding a distraction like TV (or chocolate!) can really help but it really bothers me a lot when I'm pumping at work. I just feel so awful. Has anyone here found any relief in vitamin B or omega-3 supplements? I think I might try these.

    I read that it often gets better with time. My baby is 6 months old and it's just as bad as ever. I wonder how common it is.

  2. #2

    Default Re: D-MER

    6 months of D-MER? How awful! I'm so sorry you're going through that.

    Is there anything that could help distract you from it when you're pumping at work? Does it help to read a good book or something?

    I know there have been several moms around here who have dealt with D-MER. I'll see if I can dig up some threads...
    Karen
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  3. #3

    Default Re: D-MER

    Okay, here are a few threads on D-MER. And there was a November 2010 article in Breastfeeding Today about it.
    Karen
    Forums Admin

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  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
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    Default Re: D-MER

    Oh thanks for your reply and for the links to other threads!! I have not mastered the search function on this forum...

    I think part of the problem with why it's worse with pumping is that when I'm setting the pump up I can't do anything BUT that. And I start to feel the icky feeling while I'm doing all of that and it's hard to distract myself when I'm still adjusting the pump. My first let-down happens within seconds so I'm not able to distract myself while that's happening. There are days when I feel a little extra full before I pump and sometimes even thinking about pumping or getting my supplies ready will cause me to have a little bit of let-down and I will get the feeling. There are times when I think I've somewhat subconsciously delayed pumping a little past when I should have done it because I just don't want to face that feeling.

    When I'm getting my baby latched on and I start to feel that feeling, I can counteract it somewhat by making funny faces at my baby or by asking my husband to turn on the TV or tell me a joke or something. But the pump takes a little more concentration than that. Maybe I could try getting in the habit of putting on some music or playing a youtube video on my laptop or something before I get out the pump. It's not the worst thing in the world, it's just unpleasant.

    It's amazing how at the end of a stressful day I can lay down next to my baby and feel my whole body completely relax as I start to feed her. I love that. And then other times I feel this profound sense of dread and loathing while I'm nursing or pumping.

    I wish there were more research on this out there. I wonder why it happens. I read that it's only pretty recently been recognized, which seems silly given that it's probably been happening to some proportion of mothers since the beginning of time.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
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    Northern Virginia
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    Default Re: D-MER

    This is a very interesting thread. I've never heard of this. My sleep-deprived mind wonders how you'd know, but I guess if you're experiencing it, you know.

    Since you mentioned having nothing to do while setting up your pump, my secret weapon for getting through 14 months of pumping at work -- comedy podcasts, and lots of them!
    Mom to my sweet little "Pooper," born 10/12/11, and "Baby Brother," born 6/23/2014, and married to heavy metal husband. Working more than full-time, making healthy vegetarian meals for family, and trying to keep up with exercise routine.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
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    2,207

    Default Re: D-MER

    I read through these forums while pumping .

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
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    399

    Default Re: D-MER

    I didn't have D-MER, but I found pumping to be somewhat stressful and really tried to make it "me time." Do you pump hands free? I would always pick a TV show to watch on my Ipod that I loved and my husband didn't like, so it was an indulgence to pump because I didn't have to compromise. Maybe try setting up something like that, then get the pump set up? I actually found it less enjoyable and more stressful to look at pictures of my DS while i was pumping; it just reminded me that I was away from him and pumping.

    It's a physiologic response so in someways there may be nothing you can do about it, though it's interesting that you don't get it as often when you feed your LO.
    Ellen

    Mama-surgeon;
    DS Ethan 12/16/2008
    Breast fed/pumped 11 months as a surgical resident, 80 hours a week at work
    DS Abram Daniel 12/20/2012
    Feel like we've gotten a strong start

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
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    291

    Default Re: D-MER

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*blue2000 View Post
    I didn't have D-MER, but I found pumping to be somewhat stressful and really tried to make it "me time." Do you pump hands free? I would always pick a TV show to watch on my Ipod that I loved and my husband didn't like, so it was an indulgence to pump because I didn't have to compromise. Maybe try setting up something like that, then get the pump set up? I actually found it less enjoyable and more stressful to look at pictures of my DS while i was pumping; it just reminded me that I was away from him and pumping.

    It's a physiologic response so in someways there may be nothing you can do about it, though it's interesting that you don't get it as often when you feed your LO.
    I think it has to do with the circumstances... I will get it when I'm feeding my LO, but not as often. But, for example, if we've just come home and she is hungry so I go straight to the couch to feed her and I'm all alone in the house with nothing going on around us, I will usually get the feeling. But typically, when I'm feeding her, I'm engaged in a conversation or I'm lying in bed cuddling with her and my husband, or something else is going on in the room, and I don't notice it. It's the same with pumping, I think. If I'm pumping at home in front of the TV with a bowl of ice cream in front of me, I don't get it as much. If I'm pumping at work, missing my LO and working, I get it.

    My husband knows that I get to control the remote when I'm pumping, too! Those little indulgences really do help.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    9,280

    Default Re: D-MER

    I have/had D-MER. It is challenging and very emotional. Especially when so many people say things like "Don't you just LOVE nursing?" And I was wanting to throw up. For me, a lot of times stress made it worse. Distraction was my key to getting through it. TV, a magazine, or these forums. Also, it got better. It was the first 6 weeks, and then it came back during growth spurts or hormonal changes for me. 3 months, 6 months, even 12 months. But it always went away again. I'm sorry you are suffering. Hang in there.
    Lyn
    Nursing the girl with kaleidoscope eyes


    Mama to Daniel (12/3/06) and Lucy Jane (8/28/08)

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    1,710

    Default Re: D-MER

    I'm not sure what I have is DMER, but probably related. There is a description of it somewhere on the "Relationships and Sexuality" forum from a while back. I think this kind of issue is much more common than people think, because it's not something moms like to talk about. For me, it's a part-time issue, not all the time, so I just "power through" the bad times. It got especially bad for a while when I was nursing while pregnant.

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