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Thread: baby cries all the time at the sitter and wont take bottle

  1. #1

    Default baby cries all the time at the sitter and wont take bottle

    I returned to work about 7 weeks ago...my baby is three months and two weeks old.

    when i leave her with the sitter, she has the hardest time putting herself to sleep and cries all the time (like she misses mom ) and the sitter struggles all the time giving her the bottle...she hates it :-(

    i pump at work 3-4 times a day...she was born 4lbs and 10lbs and it's now 12lbs so she is gaining weight steadily... no concerns there!

    i have been told that i should introduce her to formula and that the reason she cries all the time is becasue she is so used to breastfeeding and co-sleeping all the time...so basically it's my fault :-( in part i feel like it's because i did breastfeed her on demand (whenever she cried), no bottle and she uses my breast as a pacificier.

    i love, love our moments alone and co-sleeping but sometimes when i leave her with my mom at night or during the day when i have to run some errands -she wont sleep at all or eat and cries so much- so it breaks my heart to see her crying and feel bad that my mom and the sitter have to deal with her cries all the time. Becuase of it...i feel like i should introduce her to the bottle at night as well but it's a lot of work to pump and give it to her in a bottle :-( and she looks at me like i am turturing her

    i am dealing with so much preassure from everybody that tells me that she is just used to my breast and that i should start introducing her to bottles and formula. And i should let her cry it out that she should be fine. And i should leave her with different people so she can used to strangers.

    she cries when she is tired (nothing but my breast can calm her down) she only sleeps with me and my breast next to her she evens hugs my breast ...which i am trying to stop but sometimes i am so tired i sleep with her next to me so it's easier to feed her and i guess she is gotten so used to that

    she hates the car seat cries all the time...so basically i dont like taking her anywhere...nobody can handle her but me. i cant even go to the mall with her.....she wants to nurse and she is a slow eater too. Its gotten to the point that i dont want to do or go anywhere because i dont want her to cry...she even loses her voice that's how hard she cries :-(

    i would like some advices on how i get her to make herself go to sleep on her own without a fuss and to take the bottle. Sometimes i feel she misses me so much that's why she cries :-(

    btw...she cries as though someone is trying to kill her and she is my first child and have waited for her soooooooooooooooooo long ...she is my everything.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2006

    Default Re: baby cries all the time at the sitter and wont take bott

    I am sorry you're having so much grief with your transition back to the workforce!

    Who is telling you that you need to introduce formula? The sitter? Your mom? Either way, they need to stop. Your baby is growing well on breastmilk alone, and that means that there is no earthly reason why you need to use formula.

    And you certainly don't need to use bottles at night or to let your child cry it out. That's ridiculous. You are the mommy, and you are in charge of how your child is fed and how your child is parented. It is the repsonsibility of your caregivers to follow your rules, not the other way round. If the sitter or your mom are telling you to change the way you parent YOUR baby in order to make their lives easier, then you can remind them that if they don't like how you care for YOUR baby, you can always find someone else to do the job.

    It is absolutely 100% normal for a baby to require an adult to help her get to sleep. Especially when the baby is question is very young, like yours. Self-soothing is an advanced skill, and no-one should expect a 3 month old baby to have it. My 6 year-old can go to sleep on her own, but prefers not to. She still wants mommy or daddy to read her a book and give her a little back rub. And that's normal.

    I think the way to address this is to calmly inform your caregivers that you will not be changing the way you feed or care for your baby after their shift is over. YOUR baby, YOUR rules!!!! And then give the sitter and your mom suggestions that may help them care for the baby, like wearing her in a sling (even for naps!) and trying different bottles, different nipples, and different milk temperatures to help baby get more interested in bottle-feeding.

    I hate to even suggest this, but... Well, is there any chance of taking a more extended maternity leave? As you said, you waited so long for the baby and she is your everything. Maybe it's worth taking some more time off from work to enjoy these fleeting moments of infancy? Of course, I totally understand that being a SAHM is NOT possible for all moms or all families!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2012

    Default Re: baby cries all the time at the sitter and wont take bott

    Your baby is a completely normal three-month-old baby. Who is basically completely helpless and knows that if mom is near she is being taken care of in the way she needs to be. It's not your "fault" that baby cries and it's not because you somehow trained her to be this way by breastfeeding and co-sleeping. The idea of purposely leaving her with strangers and letting her cry is completely ridiculous. You are absolutely doing the right thing by breastfeeding her on demand, being available to her, and being responsive to her needs. That is your job as a mother.

    I agree with mommal that the other people taking care of her need to be more responsive to her needs. I mean, if they have the attitude that she should just cry it out, perhaps they really are not being responsive. Are they holding her, talking to her, responding to her when she cries? If not, they need to start doing so.

    I wouldn't pump at night and give her milk from the bottle. It's not going to change her behavior with the sitter. And don't give her formula. That's not going to change anything either, it will just be giving her substandard nutrition and depriving you and her of all the benefits of breastfeeding. Nursing her down to sleep is a perfectly natural and normal way to get an infant to sleep. Stick with your instincts, mama. You're doing a great job.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    miles from nowhere

    Default Re: baby cries all the time at the sitter and wont take bott

    I have nothing to add that the other posters haven't already said. Just a . You are not doing anything wrong here, mama. And your baby is acting like a normal baby.

    Try sharing this with your caregivers, maybe it will help them with some tips on how to bottle feed a breastfed baby.
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Austin, TX

    Default Re: baby cries all the time at the sitter and wont take bott

    I hung back from replying to let the veteran PPs respond first. I agree with everything they said. It makes ZERO sense to offer formula ... it won't fix the bottle reluctance, and if anything, will only complicate the issue. Why on earth do they think she is more likely to accept a bottle if it's filled with an unfamiliar food, than if it's filled with your breastmilk which she loves? I fail to see the logic in that. Also, you can let them know that bottle refusal is a really common issue that many breastfed babies experience (just scan the forum to see all the posts on bottle issues!), and one that requires patience, creativity, and flexibility to solve. If they REALLY want what's best for your baby (as I'm sure deep down they do), then they will be willing to keep trying with bottles of BREASTMILK. And if they are that stressed about getting milk into baby in your absence, then they will be willing to try alternate feeding vehicles like syringe or cup feeding in the meantime. Follow your instincts

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2012

    Default Re: baby cries all the time at the sitter and wont take bott

    Just saw your post and wanted to say HANG IN THERE!! I went through something very similar! I also feed in bed and co-sleep and LO loves me as her pacifier! She also used to cry endlessly in her car seat. When LO refused the bottle when I returned to work (at 3-mos), my MIL bought every nipple at the store and we tried each one till we found one she ate from (it was a NUK brown rubber one that was labeled most compatible for breastfeeding). Maybe you can try different nipples/bottles? My hubby also feeds her in bed (to mimic how I feed her) - weird, I know, but it worked. Now she eats on his lap. The carseat crying got better with time, when she hit 4-mos, she cried way less (I think she got used to it and we started putting toys on the seat to distract her). It will get better with time so don't give in. I know how you feel

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Ontario, Canada

    Default Re: baby cries all the time at the sitter and wont take bott

    None of my 3 girls went to strangers well. I would never, in a million years expect such a young baby to go to a stranger easily.

    It needs to take patience on THEIR part, not changes on yours. You breast feeding your baby is obviously going very well. Your baby is happy and healthy! It would not be a good idea to introduce formula. You need to continue pumping in order to keep your supply up. Why waste it? It's the best thing for her.

    Can you stay with the baby sitter for a couple of days to maybe help with the transition? Show them some settling techniques you use. Maybe have them hold her once she's nursed and content.

    This really is a tender age. I didn't go much of anywhere without my babies at this time. It was just easier to nurse before we left, plan my outing well and get back as soon as we could. Most malls have "family washrooms" now with a place to nurse comfortably.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!

  8. #8

    Default Re: baby cries all the time at the sitter and wont take bott

    thank you so much ladies...i had a breakdown thinking i was doing something wrong...but its MY child and i want to cuddle and breastfeed her as many times as i want. When she was born she had some issues with milk sensitivity so outgrew it...for about 10 days i had to give her only soy formula which constipated her (i hated it)...in the meantime i kept pumping and freezing the milk...at about 10 days i gave up on the formula and started to breastfeed her again and all her issues dissapeared. i do need to follow my instints because i KNOW I AM RIGHT I KNOW MY BABY :-) and she does misses me a lot I KNOW THAT it's so hard to leave her every morning. She loves to cuddle with me as much as i love to cuddle with her. i did try feeding her in bed with a bottle (my milk) and she took it but she wanted the comfort of my breast as a pacificier. She eats more at night or as soon as i get home :-)

    thank you so much for your words i needed that sooo much :-)

    i started putting toys on her car seat or when she starts crying i usually pull over and breastfeed her and tell her where we're going and that seems to help sometimes :-)

    thanks for the bottle suggestion...i will check them out...i have quite a few but not that one so will give it a try.

    I am hanging in there :-) and i want to breasfeed her I LOVE IT (that's our special moment together :-)

    THANK YOU!!!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Sep 2008

    Default Re: baby cries all the time at the sitter and wont take bott

    I truly feel your pain. My baby girl is extremely clingy with me, she can't stand to have anyone else even hold her, even though she's very friendly and talkative with complete strangers from my arms. It's all completely normal and means that you're giving her exactly what she needs. I have no advice on how to handle the babysitter as I (VERY LUCKILY) have been able to stay home with my kids, but I do agree with what others have said as far as advice. Also, we have found the tommee tippee bottles to be great for my daughter, who also loves to use me as a pacifier.

    This extremely needy stage lasts for such a short time, and then they're off crawling and exploring and then walking... try to just relax and trust your instincts, they sound right so far!!

    Good luck!
    Mama to
    O - July 2008
    J - June 2012

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2009

    Default Re: baby cries all the time at the sitter and wont take bott

    hang in there. Sometimes it is so hard to go aganst what is expected by others close to you but I assure you, nursing and fostering a close attachment with your darling princess is 100% worth it, for both of you.

    Do you have any LLL groups around you? It can really help to connect with some others locally who 'get it.'

    I also suggest the book the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (8th edition) which has an entire chapter devoted to the subject of separations and how to handle them. Pumping, milk storage etc. is covered in another chapter. That is how important the authors felt this specific subject is.

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