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Thread: Husband wants me to wean 21 mth old

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    50

    Default Husband wants me to wean 21 mth old

    Hi there,
    My husband and I had a horrid fight. He wants me to wean within the next couple of mths. He says ds will be bf until school and will be asking others for it. I don't know. My ds does bf an awful lot. I do try to destract him when he asks for it. I offer food and other drink but alot of times he wants to comfort nurse. He cosleeps with up as well and he nt nurses to sleep for bed and naps. I try during the day to keep him preoccuppied with other stuff, like reading books and taking walks etc. When we go out he never asks to nurse and if he is in his stroller he will fall asleep on his own. My mother and other family ask me if I'm going to nurse till he's in college and remarks like that hurt. I thought my husband and I were on the same page but this argument opened my eyes to his digust with it. He won't listen to my "research" he calls it. He walks away from me when I absolutely have to nurse in public. I want ds to cut back some but I'm not ready to give it up either. I want to completely wean by 3 yrs of age. My husband finally agreed to that. I'm frustrated and really wish that there were more women around here who would attend lll and would nurse longer. People respond so negatively about lll. It's been hard. I feel depressed and lonely. Thanks for listening.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    86

    Default Re: Husband wants me to wean 21 mth old

    I have no advice here, I just wanted you to know that your story touched my heart, and I hope it will all be sorted out with happy results. I'm sure other Mum's will come along to give you some great advice. You're a wonderful Mum for hanging in there for your LO
    Last edited by okpat; November 20th, 2006 at 01:15 AM.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    1,551

    Default Re: Husband wants me to wean 21 mth old

    Hi Coreysmom,
    It must be frustrating to feel so unsupported by those around you. Do you have LLL meetings there at all, or do you just wish more mothers would attend? It can be really hard to feel like you are the only one around doing extended nursing.
    Your husband's and your families' concerns about children nursing forever are very common. This article below lists some of the most common myths about breastfeeding toddlers. It talks about the benefits as well as tips on handling criticism. Maybe you've already read it but here it is, just in case.
    Breastfeeding Toddlers
    And here's a link to all sorts of resources about extended breastfeeding.
    Extended Breastfeeding (Beyond One Year)
    It sounds like you are doing a great job meeting your son's needs!

    Mary

  4. #4

    Default Re: Husband wants me to wean 21 mth old

    Kudos to you for doing what you feel is right. It is very hard to face criticism from anyone about our parenting choices, but even harder when it is someone we love.

    Perhaps your DH needs some validation of his feelings? I know MIL's often need that - they feel threatened by our parenting choices. You might consider reading up on how to handle criticism. Here are some links to get you started. http://www.lalecheleague.org/FAQ/criticism.html and http://www.kellymom.com/bf/criticism.html.

    Additionally, here are some links about breastfeeding beyond baby's first birthday.

    From the World Health Organization, go to page four of the .pdf file: http://www.who.int/nutrition/publica...tors_guide.pdf

    American Academy of Pediatrics: http://www.aap.org/advocacy/releases...astfeeding.htm

    American Assoc of Family Physicians Policy Statement: http://www.aafp.org/online/en/home/p...ingpolicy.html

    From the US gov't: http://www.4women.gov/breastfeeding/...QandA#how_long

    From a mainstream parenting site: http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/tod...feed/8496.html

    A judge's ruling on extended nursing: http://www.findarticles.com/p/articl...il/ai_76587460

    From about.com: http://experts.about.com/q/Breastfee...astfeeding.htm

    More from the AAP: http://pediatrics.aappublications.or.../114/5/S2/1506

    Breastfeeding and the law: http://www.findarticles.com/p/articl...66/ai_13396208

    Texas A&M University: http://www.tamu.edu/univrel/aggiedai.../012299-8.html

    Finally, in some cultures, breastfeeding in general, or breastfeeding an older baby, has some stigma attached to it. Perhaps a review of both your family and DH's family's culture and upbringing might provide some insight. This link seems to provide a good over-view of how breastfeeding is seen in other cultures. It's not a LLL link, but might be helpful in your situation. http://www.leron-line.com/Culture_&_Breastfeeding.htm

    You might also want to read the book "How Weaning Happens" by Diane Bengson and "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler" by Norma Jane Bumgardner. Many LLL Groups have these books in their libraries, and some public libraries also have them to borrow, or they can get them for you.
    Shannon
    LLL Leader

    Protect your privacy online; don't use your full name. Click My Alias at the top left corner.

    I'm horrible at html and encoding links, so I apologize in advance for all the long links!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    1,048

    Default Re: Husband wants me to wean 21 mth old

    Oh if only they had a LLL for dads. I get all this support and all my husband hears is how someone else's baby is sleeping through the night alone.

    My dd is two and a half and still mama's girl, so you can imagine how my dh is feeling. He would like to see her grow up faster, and I'd love to back him up with most of the things he wants. I would even have weaned for his sake if it were easy, but because I was ambivelant about it, she could tell and weaning was going nowhere. But I have found limits that have been good for the whole family, and anyway, weaning has to start somewhere. The no nursing at meal times rule is very important. We can have family time without the scene where dd and me are snuggled up and dh is off by himself. I think if dh feels more included, weaning becomes less important. I have also stopped nursing in public so none of us get embarrassed... it was mostly because dd likes to utilize both sides when nursing so public nursing got a bit akward. But it's been another limit that has helped take a lot of pressure off. If mom isn't the one who wants baby weaned, it's just not going to happen. I'm glad you got him to agree to age 3. That was a good plan - I wish I had expected to nurse to age three back when my dd was an infant. One answer that I give my husband about getting dd to get used to less nursing is Daddy Time. If he wants her to stop nursing to sleep, he needs to read to her or rock her to sleep. (He usually watches TV while I put her to bed!) If he wants her to nurse less in the evenings, perhaps I should join a book club or something while he stays home with dd. While he HAS taken me up on a few things, which has been nice, he has also realized that parenting full time is a lot of work and weaning is a lot of work. And he hasn't done everything in his power to wean our little one so why should I, since I'm not the one who wants her weaned so badly?... though she's certainly welcome to wean if she'd like!!!

    It seems like he complains about her infantile behaviors everytime there is a slight backside (starts sitting on my lap at mealtimes again, etc.), but that's just how kids grow. One month they seem so big, then suddenly they are asking to nurse every hour again. And often when even I start thinking "what am I doing wrong???" she ends up having an ear infection or something and I regret not having had more patience.

    I'm so glad I'm not a single mother, but there certainly are huge challenges to parenting as a team.

    Julie

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    239

    Default Re: Husband wants me to wean 21 mth old

    Just wanted to say that I think you are an awesome mom for nursing your little boy. I would not even bother with trying to wean at this young age or with distraction. I would just nurse as much and long as you and your son need. I know that must be super hard without support but that is what I would do. Around this age though I did stop NIP most of the time and in front of unsupportive family members. I just found a reason to seperate myself and my child to another room.

    My husband has mistakenly said the wrong thing from time to time and I will remind him of the benefits of nursing which he thankfully agrees with and I also gently tell him it is between me and the child and none of his business. We have a good marriage though so that works for us.

    I would try to avoid any conflict in front of your son and during nursing. It is not good for anyone.

    Just try to find your happy place and know that you are doing what is right and best for your son.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    50

    Default Re: Husband wants me to wean 21 mth old

    thankyou all for all of the great advice! I really do appreciate it. I looked up all of the links too and they really helped. Thankyou.

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