I just wanted to say a HUGE thank you to everyone on this forum, and to the La Leche League and their wonderful leaders. I've found so much support and helpful advice since I've found this community.
I've decided to stop trying to breastfeed LO exclusively. My mother put it into perspective: she said that most women who are able to breastfeed successfully have happy, stress-free home lives, and are able to devote all their energy and attention into making breastfeeding work (a swooping generalisation, I know; but from my mother, trust me, it's a step in the right direction); whereas I've had nothing but stress since long before LO was born, from money woes to prenatal depression to moving three times. She pointed out what I already knew: that I'm not getting any time to just bond with LO, because instead I'm always worrying about her next feed or my supply and even when I do feed her, I'm so tense and stressed that I just get angry. So I've spent the last week thinking about it, and I'm just going to let what happens, happens. For the past four months I've been so obsessed with getting her to nurse well that it's affected my relationship with her and put a huge strain on my marriage, and that has to stop. If LO wants the boob, great; if she refuses it, oh well. If she nurses and it's pain-free, great; if it's not, I'll give her a bottle. I'll keep nursing her for as long as she wants to, and I'll always offer the breast first, but if she only nurses once a day she only nurses once a day. We'll stop when she wants to, be that in a month or a few years.
I can't thank you ladies enough for your help and support. I couldn't have lasted as long as I did without it. To think that I was here two months ago and I'm still breastfeeding at all is one thing; to know how far I've come emotionally to be able to finally accept this is another. So, massive and love to all of you, and let's just hope that now I've checked off so many breastfeeding struggles from the list, at least LO's brothers and sisters will be easier to feed!
Special thanks to Meg, for all the phone calls and emails, and Sherice, for being so lovely.
Seriously. This whole community is so awesome. Thank you.